Getting Married but Regret my Past - feel bad about my ex - boyfriend

i m getting married to the one i love.. n he also loves me very much.. we both have seen both good n bad times together n struggled a lot for this marriage to happen....
now my past is creating a problem within myself..
i had a past relationship of 3 yrs in college times..
we had fights n we had a brk up.. the fights happened bcoz of his possessiveness .. which started due to some misunderstandings...
after the break up.. he kept trying to convince me to start again but i didn't.. he used to love me a lot ... i cudn't help him in his bad times.. maybe bcuz i didn't know abt values at that time...
my fiance taught me the real meaning of commitment nd values...

i dnt know why but i feel that my ex bf still loves me.... nd i did very wrong to him.. this feeling is a torture..
this is coming in my dreams that i'v done wrong to him..n now i'l never be happy...
so i've already said sorry to him twice (n at that time me n my fiance had a big fight),.. but this feeling of doing a sin is not leaving me..
i dnt wnt to cal him again cuz it creates a problem to my fiance..

my ex bf is not in any relationship n wil not be getting married til 2-3 yeras more...
its just impossible for me to hide these feelings to my fiance.. m trying my best ..but he always comes to know that there's something wrong in my mind...

i dnt knw wht to do..
as the marriage is coming closer.. nd such thoughts in my mind regarding my ex.. i feel that i'l be cheating my fiance also... if i marry him with my ex still in my mind..

plz hellpp!!

Hi parul,

Thank you for writing to us.

Well, there are few things that I would like to say.

Firstly, your previous relationship happened at the time when you were at your college, quiet immature and unknown about what being in a relationship means etc. This is the time when most of us fall for someone. We feel some kind of inclination towards the opposite sex, a special feeling or a spark in our heart for someone at this teenager age. We, maximum times misinterpret it as love and fall for him/her. But in actuality we don't love. Instead we like that person, we appreciate his presence, we appraise him/her for various reasons. This situation is what people commonly call, state of infatuation or in simple terms, crush.

We fall for someone without understanding or without knowing the dynamics of a relationship. At that age, everything seems okay and justified. There is a feeling of enthusiasm, love, trust, courage for fighting to the world for your love etc. The same perhaps happened with you in your college days. You liked someone, feelings reciprocated and eventually landed both of you in a relationship. But as and when things advanced, as and when you got to know each other well - likes and dislikes, there were ego clashes, friction which again landed you in a break up. This is all very natural in relationships between a guy and a girl of that age.

But on a very true note, there weren't any feelings attached to each other or rather there were feelings attached for each other but they never amounted so much that one can call it love. Eventually you guys broke and moved on in your lives.

Yes, your ex-boyfriend did try to convince you to come back but that doesn't mean he did it because he was in love. I am saying this because had it been the case, he wouldn't have allowed you to break off from him. He called you back because perhaps, he was alone and needed a company and who else can be a better company than you.

So, there can be other reasons as well why did he convince you to come back but those doesn't suffice enough to convince, atleast me that he loves you.

Secondly, you are engaged now and marriage is soon to happen. You have a very good fiance and a to be husband at the end of the road. This is no time to experiment either with yourself or your present relationship. Everything seems settled. You both love each other and wish to be together. Trust me, its a God grace that you have found your Mr. Right and that he also loves you and that you guys are getting married.

So, its just a waste to think about your past, your ex-boyfriend now. You have already moved out from all this and I suggest you should keep doing that.

Moreover, if he is not married or if he is not in any relationship, its entirely his problem. You were in a committed relationship with him in the past, which didn't work though for some reasons. But the point is you definitely gave it a chance in the second place to make things work out. Now, if at that time things didn't worked out well, there is nothing that you can do now.

Its not your fault that you have moved out of your past and found love again. Life has given you a second chance to live. Enjoy it instead of thinking about your past, getting affected and ruining it.

thank you pulkit... i'l try to focus on my marriage...
n try to forget evrything...
wil my fiance be able to forget this at any point in life?? that i had a bf??
i just hope so...
anyways.. thanx again..

Hii Parul,
After reading your post I have found somethings that I will make u understand are important for u to look on and the one other thing that u shud not give much importance to...
1. That you had a relationship in your college, yes that was very immature as pilkit mentioned, also I would like to tell you that the age in which u had relationship was the age when the attraction, infatuation or liking develops in us for the opposite sex which we wrongly pretend as love, and thus we rush out to get in relationships with the people we develop liking to.
2. Being an immature relationship, we get into many fights and eeventually if we can not handle them we break up with them, and for what u said, that the guy loved u and hence tried tobwin u back, this a pulkit said, would also be because of the sudden emptiness in the life which he tried to fill up and who better than u wud be beneficial for the same.
3. That u have now stepped in an age when u really come to understand the dynamics of a relationship, commitment and love, and you are lucky to have such a matured partner to back u and love u with whom u have now engaged n going to marry in near future.
Let me tell u the God does not make such guys who love us any more and once the opportunity is lost we just can regret on it later, so my dear I suggest you to make ua current relationship and ua fiance happy and try to make a strong bonding and love with him as u have to soend ua life with him
And the last as far as the matter of ex-bf is concerned, you should nlt concentrate on that matter and hurt your fiance. I suggest you not to think about it anymore instead you should look for what is present and will be ua future, just remember u haven't commited any sin by leaving him, its just that u and him both were immature atvthat time and didn't knew the dynamics of a relationships so no need to worry about the past get over it and look for how to improve the present, I wish u all the luck for ua future married life......sure if ua past tries to create more problem u can take necessary action against that.
Also I like to tell u that as far as ua current relationship is concerned try to be as transparent and loyal as possible and love him from all ua heart....good luck. :)