Lost interest in life - married against my will and I dont like my wife

Hi all,


My name is akshay I married to a girl on a compulsion of my parents about 5 months ago. We never have a happy life. The way she speak irritates. Here is the reason why I don't like her. I was in love with a girl deep love. We are made for each other. Everything was going fine. All of a sudden one day my dad without my knowledge knowing am in love he arranged for an engagement in our village. I was not in situation to go against my dad because it will put my dad bad before the village also he is the person who had lived for my sake. I dint get a chance to speak to the girl since it's a village. Later I called up the girl and have stated that am in love with another girl. So let's stop the marriage as we both will not lead a happy life after marriage. He was behavin odd without mature enough was sayin same thing that she will die. Meanwhile my mother had committed suicide and was admitted in the hospital. Somehow marriage date was nt fixed for 3 months. I tired to explain the situation to that girl she was saying the same. One side I am much worried about my gf who was meant to be my lyf. Even her family were not supported to our love. We were not in a situation to go against our parents as they lived for our sake. Hence we sacrificed our love. Currently it been 5 months I don't lyk d girl whom I married when ever I see her I get a feel that she spoiled my love and whole life. I had much dreams and she never suits to it. The way she speak also sounds indifferently since married she is being with respect. Before my marriage on very first day when we called me teased my physique and speaking lyk a crap. Now I don't have interest in my life also I can't adopt to her since it done against my wish and on a compulsion. Also my heart pricks that I lost my love and cheatd my girl. I heard that my girl still cry for me by thinking about the memories. I myself screwed my whole life and as wel my gf. I don hav interest to live a life with a girl to whom I got married on a compulsion. Till now I never had wnt out with her. Even she too being silent without bothering about my behaviour. Al of a sudden without my knowledge my bro and whole family called my gf yelled threatened her on my bday that am with her and she is the reason for spoiling my life and makin me not to live wit the girl whom I married I was speaking till before that. Later because of my family behavior I stopped my communication with her as it gonna put her and future into a problem . But she was not nt a reason to spoil my life. It was they themselves who spoiled life and love of us. Always my whole family keep checking my call logs messages and tracing my locations to see whether am in touch with her still. It really irritates me when I see this. Every1 advise me to adopt my life with her. But I don like i lost the girl who loved me so much for my parents sake. I literally dono wat do in my life kindly help me to proceed.

Can you explain what is current behaviour of your wife, how she is interacting with family, how is she treating with you, also how is your marriage status, are you sharing bed with etc. Also, tell us what exactly you dislike in her .

She speaks with my parents wel. Bcoz of my parents and her compulsion me married her. It been 5 months we never share the bed. She never communicate much she has got fear on me. On the day of my marriage she ask me if you don like why married me. I stated you only stated will die. She says that she thought I change after marriage and ll forget my gf. I lost my gf and spoiled my lyf lyk anything

Hi akshay,



Couple of things that you need to understand.

1) Your and your girlfriend's family was dead against this whole relationship from the very start. Even your mother committed suicide and she was hospitalized. Things were never smooth and there were very steep chances of you getting married to your girlfriend. Its time when you should admit to it. Akshay, there are limits to everything. You simply cannot get married to the person of your choice leaving your parents to die. Being their son, you have some duties and responsibilities to be fulfilled, which you did.

Don't consider yourself completely wrong. The point is that you tried to make things work out to the best, but they just didn't. You don't need to blame yourself for anything that happened. I understand your relations with your parents will soar now, but you need to realize one thing, you and your ex-girlfriend was not perhaps destined to be together. Nobody was in your support than you two, not even her family members.

Its time when you should admit to things, when you should understand your life is what you have and there is no point in struggling for things which are not made for you. All you can do is, pray to God and wish that your girlfriend settles down happy and well in her life with someone who can prove a better option than you.

It happens that sometimes, we really don't get what we wish for. But things happen for a reason, for something good which we might not realize now, but later. Its not your mistake that you couldn't get her. I know, it hurts but in my eyes, you deserve a salute if you fought well for your relationship.

Love is not always about having the person for lifetime. Its about loving someone with your entire heart, sacrificing all that you have just to keep him/her happy without giving him a slightest of hint about your worries. I know these are all words, easier said than done but you need to understand, you made a choice between your mother and your girlfriend and it was right.

Nobody can ever replace parents. We here, on this forum, would have given you the same advice. If I were you, I am sure, I would have done the same thing that you did. Every time such situation arises, the guy is sandwiched between his mother and his love, who to choose and who to leave. There is a limit to everything that you can challenge. You tried your best, but things didn't work out, you are not to be blamed, you are not to be held responsible. You are also a human being and there are things that are beyond your control.

Honestly speaking whatever you did was not wrong. You tried, not even once but many times, which I feel is fair enough.



2) Your wife is now your life. Its time when you should admit to it too and abide by the things. She belongs to a village or a small town, and just like you she might have also been forced into marriage from her family's side. What's her fault that she got married to you, that she was forced into this marriage, that she was asked to spend her life with someone who is already in love with his ex-girlfriend?

Even after knowing the fact that she can never be Number 1 on your priority list, she is putting all her efforts to keep you happy, to bring back the original you, to perform all her duties as a wife, to take care of your emotional mother after she's been discharged from hospital and your father who didn't consider your emotions once before getting you married to this girl.

Sir, she is your wife. However bad situations may become, however challenging future you may have, she is the one who will be beside you forever, provided you give her the love and care she deserves. Understand and realize, what happened was bad but that was what life had destined for you. You don't always get what you wish for. We all make compromises and sacrifices in our lives and you did a great one. You don't get anything beyond what's written in your fate.

So, its better that you adapt to changes as soon as possible. Let off the guilt within you, understanding that you are not wrong and any guy would have done what you did. Allow your past to pass by and accept the present. Don't hold onto your grief and negativity within you. Try to love your wife, she is plainly innocent. She got married for her family's pride and honor and she is dedicating every bit of her to your service. Give her the love she deserves.

If you'll carry your past and your guilt feelings with you, you will never be able to move forward. 5 months and counting, is a time enough for you to accept the things and live accordingly. Until and unless you try to make things better for yourself and your family, your wife cannot do anything even if she puts in the best of her efforts.

Go to her, love her. She has some dreams and some inspirations too. She would like to feel the same just like other brides would feel. She wouldn't like herself to hold responsible for all that had happened. Try to forget your past, go to her, make love and I promise, she will never give you any chance to complain.



I hope I was able to make you understand the whole thing. You sacrificed your love to your parents, you dedicate your life to your wife, you cried, you wept, you got depressed but then you fulfilled all your duties as a son and as a husband.
Sir, there are hardly people like you nowdays who prioritize others than themselves. For me and for thousand others here, you have set forth a very brilliant example.


Thank You for sharing things here. Its always a pleasure to have people like you on the forum.

Thanks for ur suggestion . Will try my level best to adopt with al thanks a lot again for spending your precious time .

Hello pulkit sorry to ask question to you here but I really felt to ask so Iam asking,please don't take me wrong.He chose his mother leaving his girlfriend was it right according to you? Is not called cheating? What was the mistake of that innocent gf who wanted to marry him n lead a happy life. According to me he shouldn't hv left his girlfriend who loved him so much and he should hv married her.Later on parents would hv agreed after some time.If his parents really cared for hugs happiness and loved him unconditionally then they would hv accepted his choice whole heartedly? Okay u did ur sacrifice as a son but what about his parents?they don't hv any duty towards their children? Please don't take me wrong this is wht I felt ,forgive me if I wrong.

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Originally Posted by cutenagel

Hello pulkit sorry to ask question to you here but I really felt to ask so Iam asking,please don't take me wrong.He chose his mother leaving his girlfriend was it right according to you? Is not called cheating? What was the mistake of that innocent gf who wanted to marry him n lead a happy life. According to me he shouldn't hv left his girlfriend who loved him so much and he should hv married her.Later on parents would hv agreed after some time.If his parents really cared for hugs happiness and loved him unconditionally then they would hv accepted his choice whole heartedly? Okay u did ur sacrifice as a son but what about his parents?they don't hv any duty towards their children? Please don't take me wrong this is wht I felt ,forgive me if I wrong.

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Hi cutenagel,

There is no mistake of that "innocent" girl, here. But, in my view, No Love is bigger or important than somebody's Life. I understand Love is Blind and beyond everything. But certainly, you simply cannot ignore a close elder person and compromise on his/her life to achieve or to get your love....especially if that elder person is your own mother.

By your Screen-name, i.e. "cutenagel",I can make out, you are a female by gender which is why you're perhaps a little sympathetic towards the girl in question. When you try to answer a question, please make sure to put yourself in the poster's shoes and analyse the whole situation.

I agree whatever happenned with that girl was really unfortunate but she couldn't be brought in by sacrificing a family member's life. This is the reason why we, here, ask others to convince parents to the best possible way. At the end, they are your parents, they have done so much for you, they have the right and knowledge to choose the best one for you and they will do it for your own good. They have lived their lives and want to secure yours.

Thumb Rule for me is, parents cannot and should not be replaced. No love can ever challenge love of parents, their sacrifices and care. Accept that you cannot push yourself beyond a certain limit and nothing more than what's written in your destiny will happen to you. Lastly, things happen for a reason and they happen for something good.




These advices are based on my perception of the situation posted by the requestor. I appreciate your efforts to ask questions. My advices are not concreate lines on stones. They can be wrong, they can be challenged. There might be other ways too, better than what I write here, which one can opt to solve his problem. At the end of the day, all I want is to lessen someone's misery and bring a smile on his face.