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Hi priya,
Well, lets not jump to a conclusion so soon. You need to wait for sometime. Again, as said before, since things have changed alot, whatever destiny has in store for you, is what you'll get at the end. Our work is to keep trying our level best. Don't loose hope.
As of now, enjoy your new year. Put your worries aside for a while. Life is still beautiful. Love is not the end of everything. It's a new beginning.
pulkit, whats ur opinion abt our love, what ever struggle v face, v ll join our hands in the end, no? is that everything falls only on fate?
Hi priya,
Well, I am not God. I don't predict future, I can't. Whether or not you'll get married to your boyfriend, whether or not things will go right or when will you get married, etc are questions beyond the scope of my vision.
I cannot give you what you want. I might be able to only guide you when you get confused which way to go. This forum or rather any other souce cannot guarantee you things which you desire. When things go wrong and you don't see a way out of the mess, you sometimes feel you have someone who could guide you through, you could pick when you fall, who could stand beside you in times of difficulties...who could show you a ray of hope when you're left with almost nothing... this is where I come into picture. I dont guarantee you with anything. Nor do I promise, whatever I write here are lines on stone which cannot be challenged. Definitely, each advice given here either by me or others, can be challenged and called upon. We can be wrong and there can be multiple ways in which you can handle your problem.
Regarding you guys I can say, you both love each other which is quiet evident. You have visited the forum and constantly following us up clearly shows how eagerly you want him. His love is evident when he says he don't want you to share his part of problems. His only reason to keep you away and forbid the match is, that, he doesn't want you to suffer or go through what he is dealing with. Moreover, just like you, he also has some responsibilities towards his parents and with things running now, he is little afraid and unsure of what he should do and he should not. But let me tell you any relationship is not complete if at the end two individuals involved are not together. And, for them to be together, its very important to take a stand.
You boyfriend's reason of not marrying you because he loves you and dont want you to be a part of his problems, is good. But, what he is forgetting is, together you both can fight against his family's problems than crying in alone. With you being around him, he can definitely do wonders. But if you are not there beside him and he believes things will be fine, he is highly mistaken.
So, if you ask me whether or not you guys will join hands at the end, the answer is unknown to me. I even cannot guarantee you anything. But yes, I can assure you on one point..... if you guys didn't fight or couldn't take a stand now, you both will regret for the rest of your lives. This regret will always stay within you no matter where you go, what you become.
I have listed in m above answers all the possible ways, in which you guys can go around with this situation. Rest depends on your fate because, its rightly said, Nobody has ever got anything beyond time and beyond destiny. But since we dont know our fates, we fight hard for things we desire so later we don't regret that if could have atleast tried once. Nobody knows, what life has in store for you.
I hope I am able to make you understand the back idea.
i understand pulkit, i would have gone mad if i didnt share my worries with this site...
pulkit, though i visit his home frequently they wont consider me a choice knw since i m from other caste..!
Hi priya,
Intercaste marriages have always been a problem in India. This custom is highly practiced in Southern and Western parts of country.
In your case, his family's negative image in their community and society might prove helpful to you. I really can't assure you, if it will. But somewhere, it might. Who would like to give his/her daughter to a family with a "negative" image in society? Ofcourse, there will be few difficulties as these things don't remain undercover for long. Also, both their children ran away to marry a person of their choice, clearly shows that parents are very adamant( even if they are not, but to others it may feel). This shows how dominating they must be. Had I been a father of a daughter, I should have given it a nice thought before giving my daughter in that family, ideally.
Situation right now is, that parents are emotionally weak and they can be requested to accept your match without giving much considerations to caste and community, etc. After all that has happened with them, they should open up their mind to new traditions, new mindset and modern outlook of society which is above this caste and community rudiments.
my boy is naturally more sensitive in nature, means normally if he gets upset his bp wil increase suddenly it will lead to fever, he will struggle a lot, these days in order to prevent thinking he kept concentrating on his work but past two days since he was in holiday he feels a lot, he is telling to me like (my life itself gone, i m still living bcoz my parents hope is me),,, he really siffers this two days a lot... got fever, headache, bodyache.. my god he really suffers...y all the prob goes only to him not me...!!
Not to worry. Things will improve in sometime. Have some patience. I really admire you for being such a nice girlfriend. Your man is really lucky to have you. You really show deep respect and considerations for him. I am sure, having you around himself, he'll surely be able to do better in life. Others should take inspiration from you.
Just hold onto yourself.
I really appreciate your thinking priya and definietely yes you have been a nice girlfriend for your guy and your guy is so lucy to have you on his side, don't loose hopes dear whatever is yours will surely be yours just don't let yourself negative with what you want you must be ultimately positive with the final result that you want to earn it and win it, whatever the situation is try to concentrate on all the positive points that still prevail in this situation too dear.......you might first find it difficult to do but once habituated you may only look for positives and this will surely help to set you in right direction for your marriage.
patience..!! i guess that is what really missing in me...i ll try to be patience pulkit
thank u swapnil......i will keep my hope high......
I dont knw abt others guys who is in love but regarding my love i have a question to ask, i always used to msg or call him, my boy will be always in my thought so i will expect him to be the same, sometimes i used to think since i keep thinking him i msg him or call him or keep disturbing him but y dont my boy do the same? my boy is so opposite he will rply for all my msg sometimes not, he ll not keep msgng or calling..is all boys the same? is this nature of all boys or my boy alone different?...also i want to say something...today my boy went to his grand pa home..after all this days he cried to my boy for all this incident happened in my boys family...my boy is telling this is the 1st time he is seeing his grand pa crying in this 29 years...its really hurting me.. everyone there keep crying for all the incidents in their family but i m dreaming here abt my boy and how to marry him...i dont knw where this all will take to...!!! i stay normal when i m positive abt my love, all of the sudden i struggle myself even to breathe when i hear some worrying things from my boy...its really hurting..
y there is no post from ETI for past two days.....???
Hi priya,
Well.... things cannot be generalized as such. Depends on nature to nature and individual to individual.
On the lighter side I can say, when boys have to impress a girl or when boys are in process of making a girl, their girlfriend, frequency of messaging is very high. Later, when they jump deep into ocean of love and that girl becomes their girlfriend, and they realize what just happened, messaging decrease. :p ;)
Well, this was on the lighter side. Regarding your man, I can say, it must be in his nature. Please don't make any assumptions.
Sorry for delayed response. Was busy with new year. Happy New Year to you, priya.
i wish u the same HAPPY NEW YEAR...i was really upset these days without any post from ETI...
Hi priya,
Please help me with information.
When are the results going to be announced for the exams that you just appeared in? Also, I believe you're already into job, right? If yes, I assume, this MBA course of yours was through correspondence, right?
Anyways, I guess, its the time when you should announce your love to your parents after your results are out. I am sure, you're going to get good grades ( which is very important ).
This is just a small article, I'm sharing for your reference. It might be of some help.
http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...your-love.html
For the rest, we'll see.
I m doing my MBA in regular, i didnt go for job... My result will appear in a month itseems...presently i m doing my final sem project and searching for job too....i ll complete my MBA including project by april.
hi pulkit did u got a private message from me.......
Hi priya,
Well...ok. In that case, you should wait for a while till you are awarded with the degree. If you get a job in a meanwhile, that would be really great. Career, undoubtedly is the most important thing. So, you should concentrate on it, first.
And, yes I got your private message.
y i couldnt open this site for so many days........?
hi pulkit, i got my exam result and placed in a company too, but till today its really challenging for me to convince my boy...i have lot to share if u could able to listen...have a nice day
Hi Priya,Quote:
Originally Posted by sathiyashree
Firstly, many many congratulations to you on your placement and your result. I am sure, you must have scored nice.
Now, leave convincing your boyfriend. You have done what your parents might have always wanted from you. I guess, you can now talk to them head straight on this. Tell them everything clearly and hope for the best.
Forget what all happened in the past. Its time when you should work for it. Your parents never asked from you what all had happened then when HOD called your father to his office and told him everything. Perhaps, they are running away from that situation so that you could concentrate on your studies OR they mustn't be discussing it because it was not the right time then. They might have this thinking, that, if you were in a relationship with him, upon their disagreement to it, you might get depressed and that would harm your studies somewhere.
In couple of months, you must be joining your company and working good. Career is good and clear. Marriage is definitely on cards. Gather the courage and talk to them. If everything falls right, they might approach your boy with an Arrange Marriage Proposal. I guess, then your boy shouldn't have any problems. Atleast, he can push a little bit.
Now, things depends on how well you can put forward your points. Talk to most reasonable and sensible person - mom or dad, whoever it is.
And yes you can share anything with me. If you want, I can provide you with my personal mail id. Please tell me everything in clarity. My thinking is based on whatever you tell.
yeah pulkit i got sound grade... pulkit attimes my boy used to tense me like i got a proposal i m gonna accept it etc etc..it really irritates me.one day when my boy told me like that i made a call to his friend(i told na his friend one of school principal whom i cant catch at all), fortunately he too responded to my call,i was crying to him telling what my boy doing, he cooly said me u dont worry everything is in control only i will convince him, he is little disturbed now i will deal with this matter like that he told me. he also told no proposal will come to him without my knowledge so u dont worry like that... after few days he again spoke to me..he told me like my boy changed totally(long back one day me and my boy fighted and only he convinced us..that time my boy cried to his friend like please make my girl speak to me else i cant live etc etc but now he asked to his friend like plz releive me from my girl i beg u like that)his friend also told him like he will convince his parents and do marriage for us(i beleive his friend bcoz he is soo close to my boy family,they also treat him like another son) but my boy responded like if u do me marriage with her na i will divorce her within a month like...his friend telling me like he changed totally. he also told me like if u were my own sister na i would have asked u to throw him and come...pulkit i m very much clear my boy speaks all this things only bcoz he really scares thinging of his parents..he truely beleives that if he speaks again abt love to his parents na they will damn sure attempt sucide...only bcoz of this he speaks all that nonsense...if i tell my boy that i wont disturb him abt marriage na he is so caring to me then how come he will hate me all of a sudden..i very well knw my boy loves me like anything but he scares thinking abt his parents...his friend asked me like fine i will talk to his parents without knowing to ur boy if they accept my proposal na i will convince ur boy and arrange for marriage incase if his parents is not ready to accept ur proposal na will u forgot ur boy and marry ur parents choice..i said k with some hope..i guess he will talk to my boy parents today or 2mrw..but pulkit i m scared they too will not be in normal state of mind knw thinking of what his two childrens did..in this situation do u think they will respond positively..i dont knw whether my boy's friend favours me or my boy...what shall do pulkit shall i stop him frm talking to his parents for sometime...
Hi Priya
Reading all this written above has arose few questions/doubts in my mind.
What if, in this time of mental stress, his parents do not agree at all to another "Love" relationship? After all that has happened to them, they might have started hating the word "Love" itself
What if his friend is not able to convince them properly? You cannot predict parent's behavior in this case. I understand, his friend is really close to them, just like another son, but what are the chances that they would hear him when they are against their own son? At the max, he can only assure them that the girl ( that is, you ) is good and would be the best match for him.
You understand, your family too is against your relationship, in way. Let's consider it for once. His friend succeeds in convincing his parents for the marriage claiming that the girl is good, a perfect match for him and that, they are very much in Love with each other. Accepted, okay.
Now, your own parents show their reluctance and rejection towards you marrying with your boy. They plainly say No to this relationship and in a way, ask you to forget him and marry someone else? What's gonna happen in this case ? Your boyfriend's parents, when they'll come to know about all this, will at once stop taking any interests in your case. They will immediately marry their son to someone else. Later, even if you're able to convince your parents, you will never be able to convince and assure his parents for the marriage. The whole effort will drain down the gutter. Moreover, his friend might be answerable to his parents as to what happened to marriage and Love? The girl is not able to keep upto her promises. And the whole idea of Love will drain out of their minds.
I hope you were able to understand this, were you ?
So, considering all the above points, I guess, involving his friend at this stage is not a good idea. He might come in the picture a little later when you guys have done from your end and you might need someone, a third person, who could support your decisions and convince the elders.
As of now, plan to tell your parents. Make one thing clear in your mind that your efforts should be 100%. Don't worry of the results. Just give in your best. Try to convince your parents and make them ready for the marriage. If one side is ready, it helps a lot. When you succeed in this, you can send your parents to talk to his parents over your marriage plans. With all the negative image of his parents, that has formed in the society, if they would see an offer coming their way, that should make them feel good. And there is a chance that they might give a nod. If they don't, you can then involve your common friend into this.
i understand what u r telling pulkit,but when i m opening this to my parents they will arise lot of questions to me, if i could able to convince them then they will talk to my boy, but my boy since he is not ready to marry me thinking his parents and this society will tell to my parents that yes i loved her but bcoz of the situation i m facing now i cant marry her, this will be so favourable to my parents knw...
also though my parents says ok, before talking to his parents they will talk to my boy only knw but my boy thinking that his parents may die will never allow my parents to talk to his parents...
or when i m opening my love to my parents without even listening to me they may call to my boy and may start shouting at him knw...my boy in return may shout to my parents and he will tell my parents that yes i loved your daughter but not now plz forgive me and marry ur daughter as u wish, help me pulkit
Hi Priya,
Okay, I read your version of story above. Now, tell me when do you expect to tell about your relationship to your parents?
I know, there will be sudden burst of everything and it may lead anywhere.
My motive is to approach your boyfriend's parents with a marriage proposal that " Looks like arranged ". I really dont want them to know that you guys are in a relationship. Let them think this all is coming as an arrange marriage proposal.
See, both the families are not ready. The situation there is worse. You can only expect something to happen from your end because your parents are still at a better position than his. You wouldn't like to give his parents another shock and leave them with an insecurity that their last son will also run away. The moment you'll do this ( that is, give them an idea about your relationship ), they will instantly marry their son to someone else. Moreover, your boyfriend will also not support you in this. Seeking his parents vulnerability to death/suicide, he might very well deny his love affection towards you. You'll be left with nothing, then.
So, with all our hopes alive, lets just try to seek a support from your parents. Put forward your words to someone who you think would understand it well and in a way, that you sound logic. Don't just spill about everything at once. Try to make an emotional platform first. Go on a walk with your father, or sit with him when he is alone and ask him how much he loves you ? Will he accept your decision on something if that involves your happiness? Can he make you feel comfortable enough that you can share with him something personal? Talk to him like his daughter and try to melt his heart. He's your father and if he wouldn't listen to you, who else will ? That's how things work, right dear ?
Also, just for a double assurance I would like you to discuss all this that I have told above with his friend. Ask him to keep everything till him and not disclose it to your boyfriend. Take suggestions, his opinions, his views on this and let me know. He is his friend, he has a better idea of the situation. May be I am missing out on something, or there's anything that might be wrong with what I have suggested you. He might point that thing out. So, talk !!!
Fine pulkit, as u told i ll talk to his friend and let u knw whats his opinion sooner
hi pulkit,
I talked to his friend, he says he will talk to my boy parents first after knowing their opinion then we v ll proced to ur parents like that.. but i told him clearly that its useless of talking to his parents first since we wont get any positive result, he too agrees with that...he agrees with that but still he says he wants to talk to them means i dont knw what he exactly thinks...he is asking me after all this problem do u think u can still live happily with your boy like that? he asks me after all this incident i knw ur boy is not worrying abt his parents but abt the society..if he marries u na the society will think that even this son have not considered their parents and still married from other caste like that...he also says when ur telling ur love to ur parents ultimately this will come to ur boy concern then ur boy itself will stop ur parents from proceeding further in that case he is asking me what u ll do? after telling all this things he asks my opinion he said he is not willing to leave me just like that he wants to do something to me...he asked me u tell priya whatever u are asking me to do i will do? he told me y dont u people wait for some more days, i told him that i m ready to wait for my boy for how many years its needed but my boys parents wont wait from seeing alliance for my boy knw! but he didnt responded to that...since he was little busy he told me he will talk to me later.....
Hi Priya,
Well, may be he is right. Since, he is with your boy already for past sometime, he is perhaps very well acquainted with the situation out there. But I would appreciate, if he could give you a better idea as to what he is thinking and how he'll planning to proceed.
Talk to him more on this. Try to meet him up and discuss things in person. Let me know about your conversation.
hi pulkit... nothing went so well in these many days to share...his friend is so busy i cant catch him at all also i feel uneasy to force his friend all the time...bcoz he is trying so hard in convincing me only...my boy is so kind to me when i tell him that i wont as him to marry me...days are gng in similar way...no one to support my side...dont knw what to do... i m helpless
Hi priya,
Do you have any updates on your boyfriend? How are things going at his end ?
Do you see any hope now? How's everything going at your end - new job, parents anything?
You should realize, its just you and your boyfriend who's going to make things work out for your own selves. It's your life and its your battle. People, including me can only give you advises and guide you through. But, you have to face everything's that coming your way. Even if, there are hundred people ready to talk to your parents and convince them, it will eventually come down to between you and your parents.
hi pulkit,
somehow his grandpa gave some amount to construct new home and he is so busy in constructing home... as i said he is so kind enough when i tell him that i wont ask him to marry me, i m lying this to him so that he will be more affectionate to me but i m really scared where it will end..i have a cousin brother to whom i share everything. few days before i told him everything about my love and what are all the hurdles we are facing...but my brother told me like dont open this to your parents until ur boy is ready to marry u. he says ur boy's relationship with u and ur family will get collapsed if u say this to ur parents.. he also says if ur boy is ready to marry u then i will volunteerly come forward to talk about ur love to ur parents but now the things are worsen on ur boy side so whatever it is u should be ready to accept it like...but i cant convince my stupid boy. he cries like its really hard for him to live without me but he has no otherway. he says he will marry someone as his parents desire only..i really hurts me...but i dont knw what to do
Hi priya,
Since he is busy constructing or renovating his home, he isn't getting married as of now. That buys us sometime. You can go with what your cousin has asked i.e. talk to your boyfriend and plead him not to ruin anything like this. Take him into confidence and tell him that you're not going to rest this matter here or end it like this. You love him, you have always meant it and you will try your level best to make things work out.
Just try to take him into confidence. Tell him that you will do almost any and every thing to take care of him and his parents provided you're given one chance. Try to speak in person. Take some more time and arrange a meeting between you, your boyfriend and his mutual friend.
hi pulkit,
As u said i too feel that i should talk to my boy in person and try my best to convince him, but i m also scared that if i fail in convincing him na then he never talk to me knw? on other side i m also very much sure that my boy will finish constructing his home within 4 to 6 months then soon after his parents will start to search for alliance knw, if so what i will do in that case? also when i shared all my prob with my cousin brother he told me like ur parents and most of our family members hope is only u since ur brother already got bad image among the family members, so he asked me like are u also gng to get bad image for ur parents like! is loving and marrying someone whom we belive the best is like getting bad image to the parents...?that too either me or my boy v never thought to marry without parents wish...my boys only arguement with me when i talk to him abt our mrg is 'my parents will die".. so plz tell me some convincing word to make him come out of that mindset
Hi Priya,
Frankly speaking, there are chances of things getting worse in your case. And let us take it for granted that things not going to improve to much extend. Having said that, please tell me what are options that you can consider having?
Eventually, in the end things will either fall right in place or not. It's just like we are not left with many options. So, when this is the case, you should try it hard with whatever you have.
Try to analyse the situation at hand, your parents are against you marrying this guy considering your alleged affair with him that had come to light in your college days, his parents are running on the same track, no serious support from anywhere and most importantly, your own boyfriend is showing his reluctance in marrying you. Coupled up all these facts, the only person who is fighting to make things happen is, You. Uptil now what we have been doing is hitting at every possible way out to sort this matter out easily.
You can wait for some more time till he finishes up with his construction work and is all set to move further in life. After that, if nothing positive seems coming out, I would ask you to do a "bomb blast" without considering of the consequences. Leave everything on god and Time. If it's gonna happen, it will happen.
How To Change The Mindset of Your Boyfriend :
1) Do not force him to marry you just because you want this marriage to happen. Remember, parents come first at all time on the priority list, and after all that has happened to his family, definitely parents are his foremost priority. Dong so, might make him think that you're selfish to your own self and he might turn his back at you, pretty well.
2) Talk to him, multiple times, if required. Do not loose yourself or your hope in the process. The dilemma is he going through has captured his senses and thinking capacity. Definitely, it will take time to pull him out of it. Repeated talks, too much care, light happy moments might bring some change in his mindset
3) Talk to him and tell him that ever since you guys got committed, you have always considered him as your future life partner and you look to him as your husband. Take him into confidence by saying things that will hit him in his heart. Ask him to consider you giving a chance so that you can take care of him and his family members to the best of your capabilities. Tell him that you really don't want him to push his marriage proposal to his parents, but at least try once to talk to them. When its not your fault, why should you suffer.
4) Give him the courtesy to leave you and settle down in life with a girl of his parent's choice, if they disapprove of you. But definitely, ask him to try out for once. Tell him to talk to the one person ( father or mother ) who he considers will understand even a percent of what he has to say, and, tell them that by maintaining a strict NO decision towards Love Marriages, they have caused their own family serious troubles.
Had they been a little more open to love marriages, had they been good parents who would listen to their children's concerns, had they prioritized their children's happiness over society/ego, situation would have been really good than what it is now.
Nobody, including you would demand an extra effort from your boyfriend. I just want him to support you, at least, if there's nothing good he can do. He should not stop you from doing things.
Talk to him on emotional grounds and ask him if he has truly stopped loving you? Does he really want you to go away from his life? Wouldn't he be happy at all if, by more remorse chance, things work out?
If he says that yes, he has stopped feeling for you and is not likely to do even a small favor of confronting his parents once,
I guess that would be the point for you to call off everything and stop putting in any further efforts. It might all end up nowhere.
A woman, by nature, has a unique ability to judge when a Man is true to her and when he is lying. I guess, you will be able to gauge the reality out of his eyes when you meet him.
Narrowed down : With all that we have ( there's nothing much that we have ), I would like you to give your bet shot in saving your relationship. Talk to him, convince your parents, convince his parents, plead to them, talk logical, talk emotional, use every means you have to give your best. At the end, if, by any chance, things doesn't work out, you will never have this regret of NOT trying. You tried, you did more that what could have been expected out of you, but when things are not going to happen, they won't happen. Its a fight, do your best. I hope you feel me?
hi pulkit,
i m very much sure he still loves me a lot but when he comes to knw that i m taking it for granted and gonna request him to marry me i dont what will be his decision, i m sure he will hate me he will do all those things that will hurt me
Hi Priya,Quote:
Originally Posted by sathiyashree
Nobody is asking him to marry you. I just want him to atleast nod his head in a ' Yes' when his parents ask him about his affair with you?
Saying a yes and staying true to his feelings, that what we expect of him. He should not say No if tomorrow his father ask him that whether he likes you or not?
Suppose, tomorrow when his friend exchange words with his parents about your relationship, he should just accept everything and not deny, because of the fear of his parents committing suicide.
After all that has happened, ideally, his parents should realize their strict behavior towards their children's needs is wrong approach to parenting. You boyfriend could also elope and marry you, but if he is not doing it, that means he pays respect to his parents. In a return, his parents should also, if nothing more, atleast listen to him once.
hi pulkit
my boy's parents are so innocent, my boy's brother just informed to my boy that he is having affair, my boy too told him to wait till their sister getting married but after that without even discussing to his parents he just decided to elope and marry and he did so...in his sister case she just chosen a pair who is not at all match for her and to her family...that guy not educated, dnt have any status in the society...also that guy is demanding asset through her to my boy means then what's his intension of marrrying my boy's sister just to take away assets knw? after all this incidents my boy's grand pa in a angry state of mind told my boy's parents to die since they are left with no more image in the society..my boy's neighbour house idiots keep on gossiping like their parents are not good that made their children do like this etc etc...this are all certain things hurted my boy very much...after all tihs i dont knw how i will convince him...
Hi priya,
Do you have any update to share with us?
Hi Pulkit,
I dont have anything interesting to share pulkit, every day i spend every secs with hope that he will be back to normal and atleast he will spend sometime to consider me.....i stopped to force him at all the time pulkit...it doesnt mean that i m planning to give him up but instead i m realizing how selfish i m to force him all the time without even considering his situation.i stopped asking him to marry me, but instead i keep asking him that talk to me be normal to me i wont ask u to marry me....not often but sometimes he is so good to me...but still i want him to marry me but dont knw how to make it possible....i cant spend a day without talking to him but his busy schedule and home construction work makes him stay away from my thought...he also advices me to concentrate on something else so that i too will stay away from his thought but dont want such things to happen to me...in my home they started searching for alliance when i tell him about it there is no reaction from him...