hi pulkit,
Am i doing mistake by not forcing him? what do u feel about it...
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hi pulkit,
Am i doing mistake by not forcing him? what do u feel about it...
Hi priya,Quote:
Originally Posted by sathiyashree
What else can you do? See, no son would ever hurt his parent's feelings and emotions for his love or for any girl, for that matter. I am saying this in a scenario where the guy is somewhat sure that he will be able to convince his parents. But, in your case, chances are even steeper and your boyfriend has declared everything.
I guess, it's a very long time since any advancements have happened in your case. Nor has he ever changed his mind or thought process. Even if, in a remorse possibility, both his siblings return to the parents, still he will never be able to convince them for marriage. Are you understanding the point?
All this time, all this wait was just to see if he changes his mind, if he gets weak emotionally, if he is able to re-consider his decision and request once...at least once from his parents to get him married to you. But, nothing as such happened. Right?
Instead, he keeps on forcing you to forget him and move on, which clearly means, he is no more into you with what he used to be. He may still be in love with you, but, I don't think he will ever be able to take a stand in your case.... even if things improve.
I'm really sorry, but consider this case gone.
See generally what happens is, sometimes, we get confused or disturbed by our surroundings and events in our life that do not work in our favor. When a situation like this comes, our instant reaction is to save our loved ones. That is what he did as an spontaneous reaction. He told you to leave him and move on, primarily, because at that very time he was too afraid with the turn of events that occurred in his life. These kinds of reactions are spontaneous and we just say it without thinking.
But, if given time to re-think, people generally change. Afterall who would like to break all ties with his loved ones just because of a fear. Instead, he would device a way to fight back all the fears. But, nothing like that seems happening in your case.
He has finally given up on you and is no more in any mood to give it a try also.
Had I been at his situation, I would have thought otherwise to device a way to solve this problem and not just end everything.
So, as far as my suggestion goes, it's time when you should really consider his words and try to move ahead in life. I personally don't see any hope in this and I wouldn't like to give you a false hope.
I can understand how bad and bitter these words are on you right now. But, I guess, it's time. Move ahead, it's not the end of life.
Hi Pulkit, I understand what you are trying to say pulkit, but i m not a machine knw to change my entire feelings to someone else...all the things that has happened in his life has made him stay strong in his decision.the strong rapot in his mind to live for his parents desire and to face the society has made him stay strong in his decision to forget me...but my side! i have done nothing than loving, caring and dying for him all the time...he is so kind to me all the time but when it comes to marriage he turns out sooo bursting...he loves me pulkit, who will care him as i did, who will take care of his parents as i desire to do, who will love me as my boy does...he is my life knw, he is my career knw...how do i consider someone else in the place of my boy!
Hi priya,
I can very well understand how disgusting you must be feeling. The life has taken a U-Turn on you. I was expecting him to calm down, think and take a wise decision that should be in your favor. But, all these months, nothing that we expected, nothing that we wanted, happen. Now, you cannot just live your life in a hope that someday things will change when you too have accepted the fact that nothing has changed... not even one percent.
Regarding love, I still say he loves you and feels for you, but marriage with him certainly looks difficult to happen.
Priya, we are just human beings and there are limitations to what we can do. Each and everything is framed already and you just cannot change it. Who would have expected such an unpredictable turn in your love story? But it happened, right ?
All that we can do is just try tomake things work out our way, try to get our love, try to have everything that we wish to have.... but do we ever make 100% of it ? No, we don't get everything that we wish for, dear.
Always remember there's a reason, a justified reason behind everything that happens. Positive or negative, everything happens for something good.
If things are going to work, they will work eventually. But if they dont, be assured its for some better reason. May be, not you, but some other girl will keep him more happy, safe and secure.
Similarly, for you too, its not the end of road. There's alot for you to see in life. I am sure, you'll definitely find someone equally good as your boyfriend, who will keep you happy.
That's life and this is how it happens dear. We cant do anything other than accepting this fact.
As a friend, as a mentor, companion, loveguru or with whatever name you would call me, it's my duty to bring you out of any false hope and make you stand face-to-face with reality.
hi pulkit,
I feel really hard to accept someone else will care him love him keep him happy more than me...it makes me cry...i still love him, i still show my love and affection in the same way as i did earlier though he hurts me with silence...he is not silent to me all the time he is kind to me sometimes...that makes me still believe that one day he will tell that he cant forget me and still considers to marry me...all i want to happen is he should marry me or marry someone else before such things happens to me...if he is ready to consider someone else in his life na then i am thrown away from his life know? i am not at all ready to think someone else in my life but if he marries someone means then i should accept the fact that he is not mine anymore know?
Hi priya,
Please don't cry dear. See, we tried our level best. I gave you all the possibilities that could have existed. But, this point that your mutual friend has made, is somewhere really valid - what if everything works out, your parents agree to the marriage, but he himself denies it owing to his parent's discomfort towards Love Marriage? There could have been many ways in which you both could have happily married to each other. But, if he is not ready for the marriage, then how can things happen.
I am not saying that the Love has gone, its still there. I also believe that if you both are destined to be together, then nobody on earth can stop it from happening. But, just looking at the present scenario, it looks like he has decided to finish it off and there's no hope or he is just not willing to get married or perhaps he's too much afraid.
If I had been at your place, then at this point, I would have silently moved out of his life. Yes, I would have always carried the love and feelings along, but may be not the person.
And that's what I guess is the best thing to do. Being with him, is putting him into a lot of mental stress and pressure. At least you can do your bit of releasing him from any responsibilities, guilt, bonds, emotional distress from your end.
Dear, it will take sometime for you to move out of this phase and it;s gonna be very slow, but eventually it will happen. There are many many people around with broken dreams and emotional breakdowns, but life doesn't stop for anyone, right? Involve yourself in some work of your interest, hobbies etc to deviate your mind from him.
Get in touch with some NGO that works on underprivileged kids. Show your love and affection to them, and I guarantee you won't ever feel sad in life. Bring smile to others.
hi pulkit
dont convince me pulkit,nothing has changed, my belief on him too havent changed...i still have hope, one day he will tell me he cant forget me...he will tell me he wants to marry me....
Hi priya,Quote:
Originally Posted by sathiyashree
Great. If that happens, I would be the first person to feel really really happy about you. Trust me.
Its your life and its totally upto you, how you take it. You may be right in all that you have said, because you know him, I dont. I only tell you things based on what you write here. There's nothing more than this that I know. But yes, there's something I would really like to say about you.... I am a part of this forum for past few years. I have seen many people posting their problems and seeking advice. But hardly a few follow up as you did. This thread had maximum number of posts from you and me. This is really a very awesome thing. All these posts, all these replies, discussions everything that we had, shows how worried and how concerned you're for your relationship. I really appreciate your efforts and your love for your boyfriend. I mean, this is true love. I really admire you for this.
I really really wish that you both get along together. Its very rare to see such a beautiful relationship happen. And, what else to say, I wish every boy should get a wife like you.
Hi Pulkit,
Yesterday my boy told me that in his home they have got a alliance for him, but my boy is not ready to accept any alliance for now also she is elder than my boy...though my boy points that his grand pa is not ready to listen to him, his grand pa says like its hard to get any alliance for u after all that happened so whatever it is u should accept her like...he is doing emotional blackmail.. my boy worries a lot..no one is there to listen to him..when i ask him that am i not better one when compared to that elder women he starts again like dont talk like that dont put my family again in trouble...etc etc...i m really worried pulkit...i was trying to contact his friend but i cant catch him at all...i dont want him to marry any other than me...but if he is not ready to listen to me at all atleast i dont want him to marry that women i very well know really he wont be happy...how dare they can do this to my boy...what shall i do
hi pulkit,
things are really getting worse on my side...my boys parents and his grand pa are not at all concerned about my boys willingness to marry that girl..they have just decided and and almost in the state to confirm her.. i am really getting mad....somehow i could able to contact his friend, but he too keeps telling me to change myself...no one is there to help me...i am really getting mad
Hi priya,
This was actually expected. That is why I had asked you before to keep your parents informed.
But, anyways, he said he is not ready to marry you. He's reluctant in marrying this girl, just because she's elder. Otherwise, he would have married ? Right ?
If he doesn't marry this girl, he might settle down with next girl that comes in his way.
Understand, his family is badly looking for a girl for him. Tell your parents about your liking for him and convince them to take your proposal to his house. The guy is not bad at all. All the mishappenings happened to him was caused by his siblings and unfortunately, he was dragged in to become a part of all that.
Make this point clear in your parents mind, and do everything that you can. Its your lifetime chance.
And ask your boyfriend to shut up and sit tight. If he cannot do anything, he should not stop you at least.
How can i talk to my parents? until and unless my boy is k with what i m doing, i cant talk to my parents knw! if i do that its like adding further more pressure to my boy knw...at least for now if my boy feels not k at any situation he comes to my home, spends some times with me, talks to me feels some comfort and returns back.but if i open my love means incase if my parents are not ready to listen to me means they will get bad opinion on my boy knw? they may fight with him knw? they may tell him not to see me or visit my home knw...if such things happen then there will be no one in the world to care my boy in his difficult time...i dont want to see him in that situation...if my boy is happy whatever it is i ll talk to my parents but already he is dying everyday i too dont want to kill him..pulkit i really understand that i m irritating u by not following anything whatevr u say but i m ready to even die for my boy but my boy should not drop a tear for my selfishness.my boy should not think that he has done a mistake of loving me................................................ .............BUT I WANT HIM TO MARRY ME PULKIT
Hi..,
though i very well knw that the chances for me to marry my boy is too low still i cant take that into my mind and change my mindset from thinking of him...every sec till now i keep thinking that after marrying him what are the things v keep discussing with us..how preparedly v will work at the same place in the same job, how early i should wake up so that i should prepare a tasty breakfast to every one...how kindly i should talk to his parents...how kindly i should treat my boy...how caring i have to be with him...how frequently i should prepare all his favorite sweets... etc etc..My god i dont knw where my life gonna end..pulkit after reading my views in the last post still if u prefer talking to my parents is the better chioce let me know it...
Hi priya,
I can very well understand your situation, your trouble. And, let me assure you, you're not irritating me at all. Do friends ever irritate? No, right. So, just chill.
Now, picture everything in front of your eyes. You're going to get nothing by just crying in alone and hoping for things to happen in right direction.
Lets just see on every point :
1) His situation is very bad, so much so, that, his parents are in a state of compromising on him and his life. For whatever girl they'll have, they will marry him to her, no matter what. - We Loose Here
2) The guy is too afraid to hurt his parents who are still in trauma concerning the turn of events in past. Since, he's loyal to them, he's staying and sacrificing his dreams for sake of them. So, he won't now, utter a word that would hurt his parents. If pressure increases, he might eventually get ready to marry whatever girl, his parents will choose for him - We Loose Here
3) You're not in a position to talk to your parents primarily because (i) You don't want to pressurize your boyfriend any further and force him to marry you, owing to his emotional discomfort towards his parents. (ii) Also, because, your parents might stop you from talking to him, meeting him, owing to the past bitterness. - We Loose Here, again
4) Your mutual friend, you promised you to support, is taking no more interest in the case, may be because of its complexity.
5) If you talk to your parents, and convince them for him, there are chances, though very very steep of things to happen. But, we're still unsure of the response from his family. Even if your parents take your marriage proposal to him and his parents, we don't know if it would be accepted or not. Seeing their present situation, I assume, your proposal will be accepted, provided it's presented to them as Arrange Marriage ( without them knowing that you both are in Love, actually ).
So, this is what we have in front of us. Today or tomorrow, he will get married to some other girl. This is really unfortunate. I really don't see a practical way out of it.
Maximum we can do is Bang On and hope for the things to improve. Damage has already been done and the worst could be, that your family stops you from meeting him, talking to him. Now that depends, how long you can go to convince your parents and how strong you're from within. There are people who go to any limits to make the person, their's. If you succeed in convincing your parents, things MIGHT work, but don't know how much since we are still unknown what his family would reply.
So, where do we stand ? Is there anything that you think can be done? From my perspective, it's looking like it's over.
Your mutual friend can be of some importance here. He can talk to his family and ask them to consider his wedding with you, since you're most eligible spinster in their knowledge. And, if they agree that they have no problem, if your parents can accept the match, then we can move forward.
Talk to your friend. He's badly needed here.
My boy came home...he is having deep discussion with my parents about his marriage proposal with that girl...he his asking my dad to give some idea to postpone the marriage proposal not about stopping it...he is asking he need to complete his doctorate and home construction so he need some time to marry that girl...i dont knw i feel really hard to breathe in this world.he told me his parents were very much concious about marrying him to the same caste...i dont knw pulkit what i should do...i never hurted anyone at anycase but all the trouble i face in my life is forcing me to move out of this world...that women though elder than him has good government job earns good salary.so i m nothing to him before all this things know...when my mom advises my boy not to oppose his parents and marry that girl since she is the good option for my boy to forget all the past i feel like i want to slap my mom and tell her to shut up her mouth...i feel like i want to run somewhere and end my life...really pulkit its really waste to talk to my parents but still i feel i want to talk to my mom
Hi Pulkit..,
My boys parents have seen the horoscope match for my boy and that girl and every thing seems ok..they are just keep on forcing my boy strongly to accept the proposal...i really feel i m delaying it my side..today whatever it is i will talk to my mom and try to do something....pulkit as u all knw my story please pray that my parents should accept my boy as my husband...
HI PULKIT...
I talked to my mom today...all of the sudden when i said her that i m in love with my boy for almost 2 years i could see her troubling to even breathe...she couldnt even digest what i told her...she looked at me and asked like for me and ur dad u r the only hope, v beleived u like anything but u too cheated us...she took me to distance a place where my father couldnt hear our discussion..i told her it was only me who loved him and not he...i also told her like i love him so much that i cant digest that he is gonna marry someone else...all of the sudden she asked me like what made u love him..i told her as you very well know he is soo good in character earns well i will be happy if i marry him...my mom shouted like do u think v dont knw to choose a perfect pair for u...itseems like u have choosen ur own and dont want us anymore...i told her its not like that...she told like if this news goes to ur dad means he will be no more he believes u like anything dont cheat him, she also told already in that boys family two children has cheated his family and its that boys turn to make everything settle down in that family in this case how dare u plan to put him again in trouble...she also told like v trusted u and that boy like anything thats y v never questioned u both when someone talks nonsense about u both but now u proved everything right knw..she said if u want ur boy to visit our house as usual then forget about him else if u keep on talk like u still love him then u cant see him anymore...i told her i wont talk anything about it again allow him to visit our home as usual she told k and left...
Then i made phone to my boy and told whatever happened...he just asked me hereafter how u think i ll face ur parents..he asked me atleast till now though i feel not good i come to ur home talk to u and to ur parents when i feel good i will leave home but hereafter how can i face ur parents...i told u not to take this to ur parents knw now what u won by doing soo...ur mom since been good didnt take these to someone else.. think of my situation if ur mom all of the sudden took this matter to my family members...i cant see anyone alive knw..he asked me why are u doing this everything without knowing the depthness of the problem...
he told marry someone else and be good to your family thats all i can say..
Pulkit hereafter though my boy comes home he wont be normal to me knw, he wont talk to me well knw, he wont spend more time with me knw...i did really a huge mistake...pulkit i cant express in words but it really hurts me when i think that my boy wont be for me...atleast his presence too wont be there hereafter knw...pulkit cant i marry my boy...
my mom told like caste is second only but do u knw how society will talk? she asks do u think me and ur dad will stay alive after hearing such stupid words from society...? i told her i love him and i will really be happy with him...but she simply said i know whats ur happiness just decide urself if u want that boy means just go ahead but u cant see either me or ur dad alive.....
when i said all these to my boy he told like i m doing everything just for my family not for my own happiness plz u too do the same....
Pulkit... Is the life that i desired to live ends here...?
Pulkit from morning i never stopped wiping my tears...i feel like something is hitting hardly inside my head...pulkit if i was able to forget my boy and go in my way looking after my life i would have never tried for someone else help especially this etalkindia...though i knw thousands and thousands of people will read this story i never hesitated to type my problems here bcoz i felt something will make me to marry my boy...u know i love him, i love him soooo much i cant forget him,, even sometimes i used to think like i should do something nonsense and leave this world but i also very well knw that my decision of leaving this world will reallly wont allow my boy too live in this world further..after all this happened i still think and beleive i still will marry him...am i not pulikit? atleast i pray god that i should face some accident that will make me forget my past...
HI..
My mom talked to my boy through phone in privacy i dont knw what she talked, i m not getting any response from boy...it really irritates me...i feel too sad when all the burdens falls only on my boys head...how much he will bare...i really consider and respect my father thats y considering the consequences that may happen i just stopped aruging about my love to mom...until and unless my boy is steady enough to fight for me nothing will favour me..considering my boys situation i m not ready to tell to my mom that he too loved me all these years..my mom will curse him like anything...when i asked my mom that is caste is much necessary she told caste is second only but there are lot of formalities to consider when v do marriage..horoscope etc etc...she told dont u knw how the society will talk v cant bare those words...already they are talking bad about his family think of if he too does the same...
HI
Sorry for all you faced .. I have not gone through each and every post here but what you are saying suggests that you are going through depression.
I request you that start loving yourself, forget about every other thing.. stop living for others.. LIVE FOR YOURSELF only. This is life short and very precious. Do not spoil it for people who can't stand for you and can't understand you.
I wish if your parents and your boy can understand state of your mind but I think currently they are only seeing a MAD girl.. a girl mad in love. This will not help at all.
May God bless you.
Hi Tousif...
Happy to see you here...actually either my boy or my parents are really so good...u know my boy is like a precious treasure that i would never ever get back in my life...he didnt consider me a mad girl but he does this every thing to me because he wants me to live happily...If u feel i m depressed then it will be difficult for me in finding a word to express my boys state of mind...he is very badly depressed..he his dying every day and every sec...he dont knw whom he need to convince or compromise...he is soo good thats y he cant just like that through his family and come behind me...
you know atleast i share my everyday issues with this site that makes me feel little comfort but no one is there for my boy to listen and wipe his tears... though he very well knows i am always there for him he dont want me to look upset by sharing his worries...all these days i tried tried tried so that i can see some sort of changes from my boy...bcoz i felt i should never ever miss my treasure in my life but this crap society made it highly challenging for me.. it didnt allow my boy to take such a chance...but thats k i dont feel happy just to live for myself but i want to live for my boy, yes i decided to live for my boys happiness...
From the day i started convincing my boy his only wish and request his plz allow me to live for my family...fine now i think its my turn to stop convincing him and fulfill his desire...i planned to go away from him...whether i like it or not i decided to go to a distance place, i decided to settle in some job there and try not to disturb my boy anymore...the decision i took is really hard for me to follow but i love him...i ll go away from him...i m not gifted to marry my boy but k as pulkit said may be some one will keep my boy more secure and safe than me...
I wish and pray god my boy should find such a girl..my boy is so upset with me bcoz i broken his trust on me and talked to my mom about my love...i want him to be normal to me...i dont have any friends..i left having contacts with my friends since my boy desired it...i never tried to get back my friends but everyday i shared all my worries, feelings with this etalkindia...ofcourse i really want to thank pulkit for being such a support for me all the time..i am not matured enough to decide everything on my own but pulkit really guided me very well and been such a support for me...i wish him and others in this site all success...i think i should end up here....thanks a lot
Hi priya,
RELAX !!! RELAX !!! RELAX !!!
You have done NO CRIME in confessing your LOVE to your parents. Understand this first and stay strong.
I am very happy that you did tell your mother about your feelings and it's really very good.
Dear, its very natural for your mother to react in this manner. She won't pat at your back and say to you " Congratulations, you are an awesome daughter ". So, you need to accept to her behavior. This happens with almost everyone. Every parent is concerned about her daughter's future and well being. But that doesn't mean that you don't have the rights and guts to speak up. Now, atleast, you won't feel bad of not having confessed your love to your parents, of not having tried to save it, fight for it.
Whatever your mom says, you have really gained respect in my eyes. So, understand, it's no crime to confess, with honestly, about something as pure as Love. You're always in my prayers.
Now, wait for sometime till things settle down/cool down. Next time when your boyfriend speaks up to you, just tell him, you will do everything possible to have your love beside you. Tell him that if he's thinking that going away from your life will lessen your worries or make you happy, he's wrong. You can't live without him and you will do everything to save your love. Life is worth, if at the end of the battle you'll have him.
I know what your mother must have had spoken with your boyfriend. She must have told him to keep distance from you and not to interfere in your life.
Now, you have to sit with your mother and explain her everything that's going inside you from past these months. Tell her how suffocated you feel living with this reality and how you would destroy your life, if you won't get him.
Make your mother understand, for her may be this society and caste is important, and not YOUR HAPPINESS. But for you, society hardly matters and what matters is your, his and your parent's happiness.
Don't loose yourself. It's a long way to go. This is bound to happen yaar. No parents agree to a love marriage, readily.. But then, people fall in love and get married, right ??? Why? How ?? Because, they convince their parents and stay strong emotionally.
Also, dear, take care of your health. You are taking too much of mental stress. It's okay yaar, things just don't fall right in place. But your health is very important. So, take care of it too.
I am leaving my personal details in your inbox. Let's connect on a more personal note.
HI PLUKIT..
I thank u Pulkit for sharing your personal details....I never thought i ll be back to this site after my last reply but nothing else i can do knw its the only place i can share my worries know? Pulkit whatever u said either convincing my mom or my boy is of no use..my boy is going to get engaged to that girl within two days...though my boy dont like that girl or her family no one is ready to listen to his word also his grand pa is arranging for his marriage very fast, i really dont knw what makes him to do like that...i told my boy i will go else where but he is not ready to allow me...he says he wants me to live in his surroundings through out his life...but how do i see my boy living with other girl that too throughout the entire life...is that a punishment for me? but still i feel i want to fullfill his desire...i very well knw i m under mental stress and i feel it but i cant fight back it...i dont knw what i should do...either i want some medicine to forget the past or ability to face the mere future...but i m nothing now...my god..! my boy is going to get married soon i never ever imagined that...i never thought love will result in such a pain..a girl can go to whatever extent possible to convince their parents but a small mistake i do for my happiness will put my boy and his parents life at stake...they will be no more...what shall i do pulkit...how can i bear this pain?
Hi Pulkit,
Am i the most unlucky girl in this world? Though my mom very well knows in what kind of pressure i m passing through she still irritates me by keep on asking why dont u smile? why dont u eat well? why dont u sleep well? why dont u talk well? why dont you respond me or ur dad well? why why why...all the stupid why questions...there is no message or call from my boy...i really hate everyone around me...i expect my mom to keep quiet and leave me alone all the time...but i expect my boy to talk something atleast for some time...but nothing happens...he is getting engaged 2mrw may be he is busy with that...but wont he think that how stressed i will be! wont he think of calling me and asking about my well being....!is my love doesnt touch his heart? is my love doesnt melt his heart a little? does his heart made of stone?
Love yourself. Think, would you marry you? If you're not happy with who you are then don't expect others will be. Analyze yourself and change what you don't like. Communicate. From the start of the relationship and all through the marriage, the key to keeping the relationship together is communication. Know your role. An important part of any relationship is making both partners aware that they have a crucial and indispensable role to play. Be emotionally grounded. Life with you should not be a roller coaster ride. Men generally like women who are stable and vice versa. Men are often slower to commit because they are very careful about getting to know a woman before they commit to her. They date first before becoming a boyfriend, and they stay a boyfriend first before getting engaged. Keep dating fun, as it should be. If dating goes well, and your interactions are positive, he'll want you to be his girlfriend. Show confidence. Be sure of yourself, and ready to tackle whatever is before you. Many men love confident women. Show endearment with class. A special glance, a scratch on the back, or a soft kiss is nice, but nothing "clingy" or inappropriate. Appreciate a man's strengths. Also, tell him so, even if he's already prideful. Glow. If the warmth of your heart is written all over your face, and your feelings for your guy show in the sparkle in your eyes, you will melt him. Convey unconditional love. A strong relationship should be based upon more than convenience. Pushing past difficult times while remaining together requires a deep commitment and appreciation for one another.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartcitizen
Hi priya,
By the time you will get this message, damage would have been done. We tried our level best, but, your boyfriend gave up I cannot blame him completely because, nothing was in his hands too.
I can understand how pathetic you must be feeling. I am not going to ask you to smile or move on now. But I just want you to
First, take care of your health. This level of mental stress is not good. It's okay, yaar. We have all experienced this pain at some point in time. It's not happening for the first time. Why do you think a forum like this has a section on Love, Relationship Advice and why a person like me is giving advises for free? We know things go wrong. All we can ever do is try. Try to mend things up, try to make them happen in a right way. Your case was completely different, where nothing was in your control. If things would have been in your hands, you would have fought a tough fight.
But I really applaud you for the efforts that you have put in to make things right. All this time, we were together and I could make out how disgusting you were feeling.
Second, take some time out and try to leave the place for a while. Go for a vacation, go out to your friend's place, go to your relatives, just move out of that place. It's very important. For all that you have been through, I guess, its time dear when you are done and you should not let these things bother you too much.
I know how you must be feeling. You want to be alone, left alone so that you can think about him, cry out loud, squeeze out the pain inside you, etc. Go for it. Book tickets, go somewhere else. Staying in that place will make things worse for you. Come back only when you feel its okay.
Don't expect a call from your boyfriend now, don't call him now. There's absolutely no point. We have been trying from past couple of months. Now, it makes no sense.
Just Relax yourself. Let it happen. Let things happen, they will happen on their own and you cannot do anything. Just cool down, cry as much as you want. Ask your mother to give you your space and time and stop shooting these questions on you. No need to explain her anything, she won't understand. Parents don't. So, its you who has to cope up with all this and nobody's going to help you out in this.
Relax, vent out every feeling, think about everything, cry out loud and burst out your emotions first. Cease contacts with your boyfriend. If I would have been at your place, I would have done the same. Would have cut off for a while from everybody till my head is light. That's what I want you to do right now. EAT PROPERLY. Like it or not, but dear don't stop eating.
We are there to help you out !!!!
HI PULKIT,
As u said everything is over now...All this months i kept on crying thinking whether the situations will favor me or not? thinking whether i will marry my boy or not? u know when i realized that everything was over i dont knw y i couldnt able to cry...may be i will burst out on the day or the day before or the day after his marriage...also as u said i already had an idea that if he is not gonna marry me then i should cease contact with him go away from him etc etc...but i didnt spend a single day without talking to him...i tried but i cant cease my contact with him... he too suffers a lot knw...he is marrying a girl who is not even a single percent as my boy expected...she is 3 yrs elder than him...his pain is too large than mine...atleast he should have a soul by his side to whom he can share his worries...no one can be his side than me...wherever i go to deviate myself but still i will keep thinking whether he is doing good or not...thats k pulkit whatever happens let it happen but nothing can stop me from being his support all the time...i know i will go insane on the day of his marriage, i will burst out but i will be ok i guess after some days...i would have felt happy if my boy marries a girl from his caste who best fits for him but i dont know y nothing favours my boy...this really hurts me...my boys life is at stake know...?
Hi priya,
I have a deep understanding towards your emotions and I know how bad you must be feeling. But, lets not forget, things have been done, damage has be done. He is engaged to her and soon will be marrying her. They will soon become a couple, a married husband and wife and will soon enter into a matrimonial alliance.
In such a situation, if you're there with him, if you're still in contacts with him, don't you think his would be wife ( that elder girl ) might accuse him of having a extra marital affair with you ?
Priya, you're thinking from one side. You are just thinking that your boyfriend is in a compromising state marrying a girl who is 3 years elder to him. But, dear, broaden up your thinking. That girl has also married your boyfriend because she had no options. She never loved your boyfriend, but was forced to marry him. Don't you think she would be feeling equally bad about this marriage as your boyfriend ?
Priya, in few months time, she will come to his house as a newly wedded bride. You are very well aware of his family's position, aren't you ? So, she has also compromised in her life and there's a lot for her to still compromise in her future. Your boyfriend loves you and he will always do. He won't ever be able to love this new girl ( his own wife ) for entire life time. Don't you think its so wrong for her to have a husband who is younger to her and will never love her ? After all, she has come into his life to take care of him and help him, make him rise as an individual, love him and take care of his family. What will she get in return ?? Nothing.
So, there's already too much of tensions and roughness in his life. If you stay with him, there's a fair chance that you might land him into more troubles. Also, now he will get married and will have a wife. She will never like you to be anywhere around him. Accept it or not, but you have really lost every rights over him. And, this is something you guys chose.
So, stay away from him and do not create any more troubles in his life. They are a mature couple and they will handle themselves. Be assured, your boyfriend is in safe and secure hands and his wife will take good care of him.
He is not a kid to be taken care of. If you'll involve yourself too much into him, you might create bigger issues.
Leave him. And cease contacts with him. You too have a life, don't forget.
Hi Pulkit, May be u r right...I will try to stay away from him...All my intention is to make my boy stay happy forever thats why i thought to be in touch with him, i thought to keep supporting him all the time. but if that will damage my boys life further, then i will never ever do that...though i support him or not i will ever miss him that pain will stay in my heart for the entire life...there is nothing more for me to lose in my life...but all i need is i want him to be happy...Thanks Pulkit
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartcitizen
Hi priya,
Good to see that you realized the gravity of situation. Yes, there's no doubt that your presence around him will create problems in his life. He is getting married in some time to come.
For you, I would suggest to come out of that place and spend somewhere out. Do you have any relatives anywhere else in India? If so, you should go to them. I know its not a very decent solution but dear, you have to move on in life too. This pain will remain in your heart forever, but, that doesn't mean its the end. There's still a lot for you to see in life.
So, stay strong lady. You have done enough of crying but now its time for you to think about yourself only.
I really appreciate for all the effort and struggle you have put in to have him beside you.