No one should hurt like me- I want to marry my boyfriend...

Pls sum one help me out, I truely love my school mate for abt a year, which I told my parents, but did not agree, then my bf spoke with parents, while the talk went emotional my dad feel on his feet and said leave my daughter let her live happily come to her marriage and bless her like a brother. Really hurts badly and M dead, my parents too love me a lot, now my parents forcing me to marry a groom of our caste which I dnt like to do. How to come out from this and I really want him which he suits me and my parents but my parents not understanding even I cant talk about this again as my father did so.
help mee plsssssssssssss

What is your age and you have not mentioned whether he is of your caste or some other cast ?
Is your boyfriend employed and earning ?

I Agree with natasa mention details about U and Ur Boyfriend then only u can expect a right suggestion.

Hi jtrm,
You are right now going through a situation which almost every second love couple face and that is, parents intervention/disagreement because of some or the other reason. Here. the reason is ofcourse, the caste, i guess.

My honest advice to you would be not to leave your parents ever in life. Agree to what they say ULTIMATELY. But this does not mean that you stop applying your efforts to convince them.

See, here you said, you and boyfriend tried only once to convince your parents and everything landed badly. Your parents did not agree to either you efforts or his. Try to put yourself in their shoes...Its certainly not easy for a parent to agree to whatever their children says until and unless they are provided with a GOOD REASON. Try to get out the fact that something is going their mind. There might be a reason why they denied your match with your boyfriend.

Now, your work is to sit with them ...talk to them on this very issue and get that particular REASON out. Get to know from them as whats going in their mind. Why have they forbidden your match ? Once you get this reason, which I guess is caste here, you can try to convince them again with a fresh start.
If you feel that this particular reason which they have given you makes no difference to you, tell them.
Also, let them know what are the things you love in your boyfriend. His positive points....!!! Make them realize that you really love your boyfriend. Just convince them in every possible way.

I hope they will understand.
All the Best !!!!

I Agree with natasa mention details about U and Ur Boyfriend then only u can expect a right suggestion.
and as you know that our parents always right and with my own opinion you have to go with watever your parents decide..

[QUOTE=Natasha Williams;34285]What is your age and you have not mentioned whether he is of your caste or some other cast ?
Is your boyfriend employed and earning ?[/QU

we both Hindus, pure veg, he is tamil Iyer, M telgu naidu, we both working, and we both earn.

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Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hi jtrm,
You are right now going through a situation which almost every second love couple face and that is, parents intervention/disagreement because of some or the other reason. Here. the reason is ofcourse, the caste, i guess.

My honest advice to you would be not to leave your parents ever in life. Agree to what they say ULTIMATELY. But this does not mean that you stop applying your efforts to convince them.

See, here you said, you and boyfriend tried only once to convince your parents and everything landed badly. Your parents did not agree to either you efforts or his. Try to put yourself in their shoes...Its certainly not easy for a parent to agree to whatever their children says until and unless they are provided with a GOOD REASON. Try to get out the fact that something is going their mind. There might be a reason why they denied your match with your boyfriend.

Now, your work is to sit with them ...talk to them on this very issue and get that particular REASON out. Get to know from them as whats going in their mind. Why have they forbidden your match ? Once you get this reason, which I guess is caste here, you can try to convince them again with a fresh start.
If you feel that this particular reason which they have given you makes no difference to you, tell them.
Also, let them know what are the things you love in your boyfriend. His positive points....!!! Make them realize that you really love your boyfriend. Just convince them in every possible way.

I hope they will understand.
All the Best !!!!

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I have asked the reason mom says, caste is different, more over love is worst one so not to belive a male and loose the life. mom says if I marry other caste person my relatives / enemies will tease us and our family badly for that they r scared and they affraid of my bf that he may leave me r cheat me after marriage, may be divorce also happens due to culture and custom differance. this is the reasons my parents reject him no not for the 1st tym, but twice i have tried to convince my mom but nt able to. she is not ready to belive me, or my love. now what can I do?

Hello jtrm,
Well, caste, thats the reason and that is what I guessed. Fine.

As you told above, in a reply to Natasha Williams that your man is a Tamil Iyer and you are a Telgu Naidu, I feel being a south Indian it gets bit difficult for you guys to convince your parents regarding inter-caste love marriage. This is a true fact.

Now coming to what you can do now. Well, dont let things go out of your hands like this. You are in love and it demands an indefinite amount of patience, understanding, care, feelings, honesty and respect.

Talk to the person in house whom you are close to and whom you think can understand your situation well and react in a positive manner. Communicate this to someone whom you think share an equal level of thinking with you.... a person with whom your wavelength matches in your family. I am asking you to do this because, right now you are all alone..... and by doing this atleast you will have someone who could provide you a backup.

Secondly, talk to your mom AND father regarding this seriously. Also, include the one whom you have told about your situation ( the person I have referred to above ). Try to convince them that you really love your partner and that you dont understand this caste system and all. Make them realize that, it makes no difference to you if anyone else ( your relatives/enemies ) think about what you have done.

"Tell them the fact, that, your being with him is the only thing you want and you wont be able to live happily with the person whom your parents are forcing you to get married. There is absolutely no point in marrying a person who will not be happy with you just because you are not able to love him, care for him, respect him. There is no point in RUINING someone's life like this and that you dont want to feel guilty about this in future. Tell them that you dont want anyone to blame you for making his life a hell. And eventually you dont want to marry a person now and feel guity the whole life and then divorce later."




See if this helps you out. You know, try to convince your parents and understand that this is a long process and will take sometime. You might also arrange a meeting of the respective families and let them discuss over the matter on their own.

All the Best !!!!
Take care.

after talking all those my mom said children should sacrifies this for parents, as parents sacrifies a lot for their child. as for this i dont have an answer parents are right but without thinking of my situation :(

Hey sweet heart a marriage without parents true blessings will not last long. we think that we will not get happiness if we obey them etc and do you know all this love and all lasts only upto marriage or another year or 2, but true relationships lasts lifetime. i request you dont hurt your parents. True love means sacrifice, give joy to the ones who have shared all their joy with you. who have taken care of you and all your needs happily. Men change their attitudes like seasons so for a man's sake please dont hurt your parents. And yes if he was the right guy for you then your parents would defenetly marry you to him coz they know what is right for you. Do all that you do with joy to your parents and see the wonders of their blessings. Yes I have made a mistake and going through hell, thats why I am advising and not only me all the people I know the story is almost same so please, love your parents and give them the joy and take the priceless blessings from their heart.... God bless you and help you takke the right decition.

Why dont you take a survey in your family and friends and see for yourself if love marriages are just the dreams we women see or are they truely the dreams come true. I bet you in a 1000 you wont find a sucessful love marriage. And yes dont try to judge in one day repeat the survey atleast 3 times for each person the truth will come out...God help u take the right decition.

Hello jtrm,

See ma'am, I can understand you are going through a very rotten phase of life. Its really getting hard for you to convince your parents. But this is the only possible thing you can do.

Whosoever your parents choose you to get married to, understand the thing that the LAST DECISION will be yours. So you can at any point forbid the match. Its your life, you can make your own decisions. But also, try not to hurt anyone.

Now coming to what you can do now, if your mother is not understanding your situation, try to convince a family member who can actually make your mother understand about your love. There must be someone who can make your parents understand the gravity of the situation. Also, try to arrange a meeting for both the families and let them discuss over the matter.

If situation goes out of hand and there is nothing that is working out, my advice to you would be to go with what your parents are saying. But till then put in the best of your efforts so much so and to the extend so that you should not feel in future, that you didnt fight for making things work out your way.

Right now try to delay your marriage a bit by forbidding the guy they have chosen for you and in the meanwhile keep on trying to convince your parents for your love. If things work out, well and good.... if they dont, then try to understand, its life. I am sorry, I am saying like that but honestly I dont want to hurt you.

Take Care.

Hello s.anjum,
Dear madam, I went though what you wrote in here above. I am glad that you gave in your efforts to advice "jtrm" on her problem.

Also, I am really sorry what bad phase you are going through in your life. But all I would like to say, you cannot generalize things on the fact that "Men change their attitudes like seasons". There are still many "MEN" who are loyal to their female partners. Yes, I do agree that there are a section of men who are cheaters and have never been loyal to any women, but at the same time there is a section of females too who have been cheaters. But we cannot generalize things based on just a part of society, on the whole society.

If you have any problems with your life, you can very well post them on here and we will together try to sort them out, if possible.

Thank You.
Take Care..!!!

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Originally Posted by s.anjum

Hey sweet heart a marriage without parents true blessings will not last long. we think that we will not get happiness if we obey them etc and do you know all this love and all lasts only upto marriage or another year or 2, but true relationships lasts lifetime. i request you dont hurt your parents. True love means sacrifice, give joy to the ones who have shared all their joy with you. who have taken care of you and all your needs happily. Men change their attitudes like seasons so for a man's sake please dont hurt your parents. And yes if he was the right guy for you then your parents would defenetly marry you to him coz they know what is right for you. Do all that you do with joy to your parents and see the wonders of their blessings. Yes I have made a mistake and going through hell, thats why I am advising and not only me all the people I know the story is almost same so please, love your parents and give them the joy and take the priceless blessings from their heart.... God bless you and help you takke the right decition.

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Thanks a lot

S i do agree with u, at any cost wont marry him without my parents acceptance. but at the same tym at any cost i cant leave him as my parents say for the caste etc reasons. S the same problem of changing character as like seasons is in all family and most humans are so, it doesnt mean only in love marriage, it happens even in arranged marriage.

taking survey within the family s its best idea but by asking that my family surely wont accept, for that hw to leave a nice person whom i love

What i say baby is u should not leave many for one. U decide whom u love more ur parents or this fellow. Mark my words if he is a good man he will also want that u should not hurt ur parents for his sake. And in what sense r u saying he is good, U know beta all men act good till marriage and if little good another 1 or 2 years... But I tell u, there is no true man left in this world, its we women who just think they r good. Haan if u spoil ur life by urself u will not blame others. Its a one time decition and my advise to u is please dont hurt ur parents. They must b already in pains which u cant see Love is sacrifice beta... hope u got my point.