I recently came in contact with my ex-boyfriend. Both of us are married and have kids, were not in contact for almost 12 yrs. After we came in contact he is insisting that we should keep in touch, I'm not able to understand why he wants to keep in touch. He claims he is very happy with his family and so do I.
Please suggest if i should maintain email contact with him or just stop, so that will no hurt present relationship?
There is big no for this relation or communication . Do not deny him the communication, instead just do not communicated, delay replies and responses etc. and eventually he will understand that you do not want to have communication or relation. And if you clearly denies relationship then he will try to convince you etc etc.. so better just don't say no but do not show any interest. It will be beneficial for both of you.
The life after marriage changes a big way and why on the earth would you require to keep in touch wid the person of ur past relationship, see there is no harm in keeping contact but eventually u will have to facw problems in future, I think wise thing to do here is that keep past as past and do not bring that in ua present happy life to avoid disappointments and hurts to ua dear family and eventually to you....
Thanks for quick responce. Actually way we broke up, he never got a chance to say anything. He is feeling much relieved after talking to me. I was thinking if someone feels better just by talking whats wrong in it. I know he is not going to create any problem for me in future.
Thanks for response. I know its not good for both of us to have contact, but way we broke up he never got chance to say good bye, now he is feeling relieved after talking to me. I was thinking if just by talking to someone i can make him feel better, why not. I know for sure he is not going to create any problem for me.
Ok answer me this is your husband not satisfing you physically or emotionally that you need to talk to your ex?
Sameeksha, I think she is not able to understand the long run effect of this unusual relationship.
Sameeksha, you are getting me totally wrong, I'm very happy with my husband. I think people who were previously in relationship would be able to answer this better.
Savera, I do understand long run effect. I dont hide things from my husband, I already told him abhout recent talk with my ex. We live in 2 different countries and i have made very clear to my ex that I'm never going to meet him personally. But main question is, if I can maintain just friendship with my ex or should always maintain distance?
No doubt that you should share all things with your husband and thats great but there some basic / primary behaviour and sets of human emotion and reaction. You can't deny them. I will wait for Sameeksha's response before saying anything further. May be Pulkit can also give some comment here.
Hi madhusudan75,
Emotions tend to confuse us in ways unknown to us. What you calling today as friendship might turn out to be an extra marital relationship, if not from your side than his. This forum has witnessed people happily married, with a family involving in extra marital affairs. Its very good that you are clear in your thoughts. But I certainly doubt if you have slightest of idea what's going on in your ex-boyfriend's life. Is he really happily married or did he just fake his emotions and feelings over chats and mails ?
Well, what's going on in his mind is unknown to you. You only know the version of his life, he has told you. Beyond that nothing is known to you.
So, as others said, please end everything right away. Even if both of you have moved forward in your life and are clear in your mind, I seriously suggest you not to pluck those emotional chords of your heart again.
You have a life and he too. There is no point in coming back in each other's life again. You wouldn't appreciate his wife blaming you of everything if something goes wrong at his end because of your involvement in his life. Neither would he like your husband to ever doubt on your past relationships because of him.
The more you will involve yourself in it, the more you will put everybody in trouble.
Humans start comparing very easily and I wouldn't like you to compare your husband to your ex-boyfriend at any point in time. Also, there is no need of this sympathy showing towards your ex after 12 longs years of break up.
So, don't buy time on this.
Hi Pulkit,
Thanks for such good response. I really appreciate it.
As you said I have no idea what is going on in his personal life otherthan what he told me. One thing he said, he has regretted for long time even after he got married, but now he is happy. Somewhere he must be feeling he has settled for something less, not 100% sure about that.
So far my thinking goes, I was much more focused and never thought about him before talking to him. Now I'm kind of disturbed. I think I will be even more confused if I continue talking to him. But everytime I tell him I dont want to continue talking, he will convince me saying we are just good friends and no harm being friends we know our resposibility so will never go back to that state of mind.
Lets get it straight, no humble - jumble..
Have you realized that you have already decided to continue with him even before asking question here, you are defending your decision over and over. If you have already decided then why asking here ?
You already said you were good in all those 12 years but since you have talked to him, you are feeling disturbed somewhere.. secondly he is convincing you to continue as friend when you asks him to end this..
So, it means you never read my comments or I am talking "Aliens" ?
See my first post where I "suggested" on how to end it without actually ending it.
Hi madhusudan75,
So you see, definitely he is getting involved with you emotionally with you. There is no point in him crying his heart out to you now, bringing back all those grudges of past, thinking of what you guys could have done then but couldn't do, remembering all those memories and comparing your present and past lives and then feeling regretted of what you have now.
So, don't ruin your and ofcourse his life by allowing him to talk to you. You both have a family and respective lives. If things didn't work out then, there is no point in bringing things back. You don't know how his wife would think about this friendship of yours and I am really afraid if things would become difficult at his end.
So you can go by what Savera had said earlier and end everything with ease.
Thanks Pulkit and Savera, sure I will end friendship with him very soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by madhusudan75
Thank you madhusudan75 for writing to us. It was pleasure helping you out.
Thank you for resting your trust on us.
So far my thinking goes, I was much more focused and never thought about him before talking to him. Now I'm kind of disturbed. I think I will be even more confused if I continue talking to him. But every time I tell him I don't want to continue talking, he will convince me saying we are just good friends and no harm being friends we know our responsibility so will never go back to that state of mind.