marriage issue...pls suggest me what should i do?

hi,
i am new to these kind of forums bt found interesting , so im posting my problem here. i am well educated , good looking 22 yr old girl working in a good profession, i come from a typical orthodox brahmin family ..our family had good relationship with our neighbour family for years together. they have a son who is 2 yrs elder to me, well educated, now working in a top mnc. his grandfather , father liked my character, attitude and showed interest to tie me up wid their son, he got to know abt it and tried to interact with me, he liked me and proposed me.i liked his approach n said yes..then we revealed the same thing to our elders. but suddenly things turned bad.my mother who till then was praising that boy for his good charcater said no to this n stopped talking to their family. their family members took my mother's actions very serious n they are behaving wid me rudely....his grandfather n father who initiated love between us are now saying a strong no to this relation.neither my mother nor his family members reveal the reason behind their big no. since then, both the houses became hell.the day starts with quarelling n ends with d same..no peace ..v r literally suffering, ....their family members act politely infront of my boyfriend and insult my charcater with their words when he is not there...i cannot reveal this with him ....im nt knowing how to behave with such people who play double games..v r in deep love with each other.v dont want to lose each other under any circumstances...at thesame time v dont want to run away from our homes n make ourparents feel bad..now, there are some secret proposals happening in my house with my notice..i donno what to do....pls suggest me...this is affecting our work inturn career badly...he is completely deppressed about this matter.

Hi nicegirl,
It seems something has happened to put your mother and family of the boy. You need to know the complete story from her. Ask her to tell u the reason as you love the boy. About his parents double talk, you need to tell your boyfriend about this as well. It is a difficult task, but needs to be faced head on. And yes running away is not the solution.
Regards,

Hi nice gal ..i m going to share my experience whn i was in the same situation ..i was in love with a gal she is rajput nd i m a typical punjabi brahmin.As my affair was 6 years old as bf nd gf,our families cum 2 knw abt our affair nd both families refused us without any reason. They just try to convince us that we people r on the wrong path..as soon as possible they tried to knot us with the gal/boy of their own choice...me nd my gf was in deep shock nd stress..after thinking in many ways i finally decide to marry my gf without informing parents nd we did same without their knowlge and aftr marrige we begun to act fake to show our parents that we dnt want each other any more and we r jus concern with our carrers, parents were convinced with our fake act nd they left the topic of marrige behind ...nd now we r staying togethr where we r wrking in chd..both families r happy,we r going to canada in december and i decided to tell a new fake story to the parents aftr reachng canada abt a new gal i wnt to marry now and later i will represent my gf as a new gal met in canada...$

Hi nice gal i have to agree wid Farida,
You have to make it very clear to your family how you feel in so does the guy and if you feel that there is no progress do what your heart says because you know that you are not at wrong and you made it very clear...gud luck!!

@all,

i first thank u all for replying to my post. i agree ur suggestion is right but this had been done long back.i asked my mother number of times abt her rejection. she said" i dont want to tell any reason about it. i dont want you to continue this relation.thats it..n moreover if you dont listen to my words, do whtever u wish, bt im nt going to perform urmarriage'. that was a rude answer from her..an almost same answer from his parents too. . my heart says i want him bt at the same time, i dont want to run away wid him making my family feel bad. he too feels d same. v r trying our level best to convince our elders. bt everything is going in vain...donno wht to do?

Be patient nicegirl and come out and let both families know that you still love each other come what may and will wait for the families to come back together. both of u will have to do this in front of both families. I knw its not easy but if u dont do, you will be struck where u wer before. Till when will u be able to lead a 2 faced life?

Hey nicegal, i m jus wanna 2 say in this situation you just follow ur heart as dnt think abt such things like society,neighbours...just ask urself wot do u want ? Coz this is ur life ,so u hav to decide abt how u will spend ur life nd with whom...jus forget all things causing stress and tensions ....it is far more important that r u satisfied with ur decisions and life, dnt care abt other things ..wish u gud luck

Hi nice girl take it easy to much stress it not good...just know one thing and that is this is your life and you have the right how you wanna live it and you only get this life once..

Its hard to keep others happy and forget about yourself..

I say follow your heart and one day your parents will be happy at the end.

@Farida H B ,@wotnidea , @MSL

thank u for ur valuable suggestions...u ppl r really inspiring me...n filling up confidence in me..thank u once again..

nicegirl

I agree with the suggestions.....Have a talk with your parents first and request them to enlighten you for their sudden change in attitude, especially your mother. You are mature enough to know that reason. Tell your bf about his parents behaviour towards you. Though, I must add, their behaviour changed only after your mother refused the relation....so that's the root cause and you need to sort out that with cool mind and patience.

Good Luck !

Ya nice girl dont lose hope. all will be fine, good luck

hey dear well ur problem is a bit complicated maybe it has been purposely made complicated in order to seperate......but ya all these r possibilities.........u have to know the reason behind this blunder ...........secondly.........just let ur parents know that people may talk any stupid gossip outside and they just have to believe u and the guy coz u both r the ones who need to live together nd not the ppl outside..........there can be possibilities that maybe any of ur relatives or other ppl u know inn ur surrounding might've told something bad bout the boy to ur mom and that is y she is not revealing it to u........in such situations u cannot do anything except for believing each other.......u say they insult u but if that guy dosen't know bout this they can divert his mind to something else nd maybe he might not trust u later......he should know everything..........but don be direct to him reveal all these things slowly to him...........here the main thing is the trust between u and ur would be...........be calm let the time change u'll get everything...........be determined focus on ur career.......work somewhere if u r busy wid ur work and involved wid ur partner u don have time for other ppl right show them that u both can't live without each other............and that u won't at all get married till u both come together by the grace of ur families...........this all is vry tough and u can get through dear..........if u both r matured enough and quite responsible...........then u can even marry and live apart for some time but i won't suggest this option to u............just think u r well educated and i truely recpect ur decision dear coz u r on the right path make urself busy.....and ya one more thing while u both r discussing ur problems just make sure that u both like ur family do not end up wid arguments this would be bad at this point..........coz even a small misunderstanding between u nd ur partner may ruin all this so plzzz.............no arguments..........no quarrels between u both let the whole world fight..............except for u both ok...................no misunderstandings.............these r very dangerous..............Trust Each Other...........vry important at this point for u both...........talk bout it and always seek for solutions on this u'll by urself get all the answers...........look u both hav to be prepared for whatever comes ur way u both hav time so don worry be cool at this point u both have to take care of each other as well as u have to look after ur family members.........................so don worry jus take care always wear a cute little smile on ur face and u'll surely get whatever u want........WE'll PRAY FOR U.......................TAKE CARE.........

@azharmaulavi ,

hi, thank u for ur valuable suggestion. i think ur very matured person, coz ur able to tell what could happen between both of us at this point of time.but its true, knowingly or unknowingly, we r facing misunderstandings . im getting frustated with the pressure and torture from my family and if at that point of time, if he speaks something negatively or a bit differently, im loosing my patience and im blaming ,quarelling with him. later, after1-2 days, im repenting for that .v love each other, but im worried thesei ncidents may spoil our relation.when i read ur reply, i could understand what could be the problems at this point of time.thank u very much.i will be more patient from this time.i will try to make our relation more stronger. thank u very much for praying about us...........but there is an other point raised by you...that is my mother's behaviour....she has changed completely...though i dont know the reason behind this, i could guess something...my mother and my father did not have a proper relationship all these years, he did not take care of my mother.so i was against to him right from my childhood .. for which he has grudge on me...my mother used to work hard, i used to do part time jobs to achieve higher studies, finished engineering and working in a big organisation now.....so during all my educational period, i was hating my father for his irresponsibility.... but now, my mother is not talking to me and she is listening to his words always. i have heard him many times speaking about our relationship, influencing her negatively about this guy, about me speaking against to my parents in his matter etc...i dont know to what extent this infuenced my mother.i dont know to believe this as a reason or not coz she is the person who knows this guy verywell for years together, who used to praise this guy for his character etc till our relation started.....but after reading this, what do u think about this? is my guess correct or wrong? if yes, what can i do to solve it...coz though we love each other so much, i feel running away is not the correct solution...

@nicegirl..........

well thanks for replying i was worried bout u not replying dear...............i guess now ur problem seems to be a bit more clear now...........to start wid let us start from ur father......he did not take care of his responsibilities as per u...................and i think u've seen a lot at a very small age..........working part time completing ur studies is not a joke and u've done...............u got guts dear...........i seriously appreciate u and ur mother for everything u've done to survive.........so ur father..............no matter what he did in the past u r their child............ur mother has been wid him for long............and i think ur guess is correct if ur father is against this ur mother would naturally be helpless..........coz.....according to our INDIAN culture the man has always dominated the females.........and also all the imp decisions of the family r taken by the head of the family..............so whatever ur father thinks bout the guy or speaks bout him to ur mother makes a high influence on on ur mother even more than u...........so understand this situation..........coz this might be the biggest hurddle in front of u both........secondly i don't want to suggest u wrong things so running away is not the option for u keep it as ur last option......when u think that nothing works at all...............now i would suggest u to gel up wid ur father more, generally i've seen girls are more attached to thier fathers.......and fathers love their daughters more than sons.............so maybe ur thinking aspect or point of view i should say towards ur father has been wrong till now...........maybe he ran away from his responsibilities but u r a part of him and so is ur would be a part of his parents................what happens is no matter what history is or how we behave at home or any grudges bet'n us and our family still they love us they care for us in different ways...........they don't show that is y we can't see it coz most of the people don't know how to express their feelings so their feelings come out in weird ways...................they scold us sometimes they even hit us and we tend to take them in the wrong sense.............look ur mother has spent such a long time wid ur father they share their own relationship perhaps they did not reveal it to u but they do love each other no matter how many disputes they have in between............but ur mother has devoted her life wholely and solely to ur father just as u have done for ur beloved and ur beloved has done for u..............right so it is but natural that ur mother will not go against ur father..................one more thing parents don want their child to be sad so whatever happens when u r at home try and keep ur cool try and talk to them bout anything, share a joke, share any incident that makes u laugh together............this will give u a relief aome time wid ur family................to solve this problem just do one thing (this is just an alternative i'm suggesting don go for it if u think it has any risk....), try and let ur beloved interact wid ur family i know this is not possible but u can try make him show that he is responsible and can take good care of u in good and bad times, this might be difficult for both of u so don make a blunder out of it just suggest him don force him to do it u both should be on each others sides at this time this is very-2 imp coz even if any1 of u backs out its game over so trust each other more than urself...................but one things for sure here unless u and ur father don have a good ralation this could be difficult for u both...........ur family needs to be happy wid this relation in order to make this relation successful..................so make ur father understand that u nd ur beloved can be happy wid each other..........that u r quite matured enough mentally and financially as well and u both can live happily 2gether...........don loose ur temper at this point dear thats more important the moment u loose ur temper u show ur weakest point to them and they will irritate u more...........so be calm talk to ur father...................talk bout ur happy moments behave matured enough at home don't say word if u get irritated and let me tell u one thing face this bravely, calmly, stratigically, think bout it jus don take on everything blindly.....................gettin angry is not the sol'n to ur problem......................and always remember one thing ur parents have loved u more than 18 or 20 yrs whatever it is than ur loved one.........so respect them show ur gratitude to them................express ur love to them just as u do to ur loved one coz unless and untill u show them that u love them, think bout them, respect them they won't take ur relation seriously............make them happy first dear and ur happiness will follow u .............do tell me the result of this............and feel free to ask anything u need regarding this topic...........TAKE CARE................GOD BLESS U............

@azharmaulavi

Hi,

i donno hw to thank u for taking pains in understanding my problem n suggesting me.bt i m very happy about it ..u r inspiring me a lotttttttttttttt...cant express it too.. ur suggestions r great..i 'l try to follow ur suggestions n succeed in my life....u could understand my problem clearly....i agree that i have to maintain a good relationship with my father in order to marry my loved ones...bt dear,the problem here is my consience...whenever i try to speak with him normally, i remember my past when i suffered a lot in my chilhood (financially as well as with his words, his irresponsibility towards his wifeandchildren,my hardwork)......those memories stop me talking to him.so i generally avoid speaking to him..though v stay in same house..what u said is right..firstly, i have to make my parents cool and happy about myself as well as my relationship...in order to make that, i need to build a good relation with my father...this is what im nt able to do so..im not able to overcome my inner feelings( i mean hatred towards him) ..............n the other option would go in vain..., that is my guy convincing my parents etc ...coz ..he already tried it ...tried to convince her in every possible manner ......spoke with my mother about our realtionship etc etc, my mother started cursing this guy and their family..she stopped talking to his mother who was her close friend previously. ...had a quarrel with her...which made his mother get angry on me...many things happened consequently...since then, my mother will not speak to him nor his family..he tried talking to her, he came to our house twice or thrice bt my mother did not respond to him....since then, he decided not to come to my house till my mother speaks to him...moreover he is facing severe prblems with his family about this issue...they r very angry about my mother's behaviour....my mother is a very kind hearted person..bt donno what went wrong with this issue...bt i'l follow ur suggestion..i'l try to communicate with my father more...that is the possible option....thank u very muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am just replying to your last post.. ie. about your father's behaviour in your childhood.

See, he made a mistake by not giving you proper love and care when you need it most ie. your childhood, also as you say he was not very good towards other members of family. May be he never knew that what he is doing is wrong but if you now behave to him similarly ie. without required love and care then you will be doing same to him which he did to you in your child hood.

Be it whatever, may be he was not sensitive enough to understand your needs at those times or may be tight financial situation made him arrogant in those days of life. But I feel somewhere, he must be knowing that he is doing wrong, be it whatever, father always care about their wards.

Apart of your need, I feel that one must give lots of love and care to their parents and should made them proud of being your parents.

Just my views!

@nicegirl..........

well.......hi.....dear and hope u r fine..................and please don thank me i just want each and every couple to live happily that is what nothing else................i've seen misunderstandings..............breakups........... ..in front of me.........ppl just say move on and they do move on..........u r vry dedicated towards ur love and just keep it up dear...........u both r lucky to have found each other so plzzzzzzzzz no matter what happens don seperate not at ne point coz being in love is the most beautiful feeling in this world...............one things for sure dear u don seem like u r so tough that u don love ur parents...................coz u love them from inside but u r not able to express....................specially to ur father.................u know y coz u haven't said it to him in so many yrs...................let's try this u express ur love to ur loved one................might be that u say to him a hundered times that u love him.................and also he might say the same thing to u may be two hundered times.......................when u both r together it might seem like it was for just an hour when u both r together for hours...............right...............feel it dear that is true love....................for sure 100%................coming to ur parents............they might've never ever told u on ur face that they love u that does not mean they don love u.............u never know but ur parents might love u more than ur imagination u never know dear...............about the past i know it's tough forgetting ur past for u but ur future depends on ur present and not ur past....................ur parents will never express their love towards u coz they don know how to do it that is y u will have to take the initiative make them understand ur loved one is also imp to u as they r for u to live in this world.........ur father was wrong at some point but did that affect ur confidence did ur mother leave u in such a condition........he has a daughter who is 2day on her own independent standing on her own feet he might be proud of u...........love needs to felt dear and not to be shown..........do u sometimes know what ur loved one wants before even he asking u for it............it might also happen that u know his mood is off widout even he telling u i know these things happen but y............coz u feel it from ur heart...........u cannot show ur love to ur parents nor they can show u it's abstract no one can see love but u can feel it...... ur parents feel it for u just that u r not able to see it...........they won't be able to coz if u r not willing to see it u won't see it even if god himself comes and tells u..........see this situation positively and u will succeed.......dear it all depends on how u see it.........if u see ur father in the wrong sense u won't see his positive side........it's same as if u see the world upside down u'll see everything upside down.......and the moment u r straight u'll see it normally right.........................ur parents won't understand nor they would like to talk to ur would be at this point so i would suggest u to let him handle it at his end that is at his place and u do it at ur's...................once ur father is wid u ur mother will automatically come to ur side..............and father's are very soft heartend when it comes to their daughters to convinence them..................let me give u a trick.................start like this.............at first just small talks wid ur father a simple hi or take care or good night will do................u can even ask him bout how his day has been............and that u just wanted to talk to him a casual stuff..................kinda daily gossip..........he'll surely notice the change tell him u just want a change and that u like sharing things wid him.............then one day when u both r strongly gelled up and used to each other................say sorry to him.........now listen carefully........... this is the most important part............u have to apologize............from ur part..............for being rude to him...........for everything u've felt for him..............let me tell u one thing dear..............u don have time for hating neone in this world u never know what might happen live ur life to the full............so do it from ur side he will realize it dear and then slowly-2 tell him bout this guy make him talk to him alone i'm sure this will work out after all it's all bout love so has to be.........................take ur time..................express ur love to ur parents just as u do to ur loved one u'l notice the difference dear it's just wonderful..............just imagine and fell the moment where u and ur parents and ur loved one r wid u nd how happy u r thats life live the moment.............and i'm sure u will...............don worry jus go for it...............one thing to be remembered if u want ur love and ur parents.........................don loose hope..................hav confidnce in urself................take good care of urself..........so u can take care of ur loved one ur parents and everyone round u.................most imp..........no matter what happens jus don loose on ur patience.....................TAKE CARE GOD BLESS U BOTH.........................

well do tell me bout the situation or the result ok dear..............TAKE CARE GOD BLESS U........

will you marrid me

amar> well this is not a matrimony site this is a forum i guess this won't work..........

The change in attitude of your mother is just because of your fathers peer pressure on her, she can not stand alone to support you to marry the boy she praised she would require your father's support as well to go against this crappy society and to make you marry him..... but this can be one possibility.... there may be other possibility as well, there may be something cooking between your parents and that may be something fishy and they could not reveal the truth to you for you will get hurt if you get known..... or may be it is a case where you have not talked about your feelings to your father in this years as you hate him for his behaviour in the past, but let me tell you dear the past is gone what you have is present and if you keep on wandering in your past and not listen to what the present situation call is, you might not just loose an opportunity to have what you want now, but you will lose it completely, so I suggest you to forgive your father and start talking to him and behave to him with respect because as azhar said fathers heart melts quickly in case of daughters so its your duty to take your father to your side which then ultimately will help you to make your mother agree for your relationship

hi there
i dnt kno hw to react on this...its really tough situation..ive been gone through wid this kinda of situation and i had no answers too...then i left ery thing on my guruji or god...suddenly i got strength to handle this situation... it took me 6 months but i convinced my family tht i will marry her only and she too..now we are happily married. leave it on god...
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