Can't forget guy I loved and I don't like my Fiance chosen by parents (NRI)

hi..
m a girl who is 22 n got engaged to a guy who lives in uk.bt i used to love someone and just not able to forget him..i m trying to do so bt its just nt helping...contrary m getting irritated by my fiance and don't like him at all.i told my family abt all these things bt thry are nt ready to accept this now..they dont want themselves to get insulted in front of anyone.that guy also loves me and is working wid a renown firm in a metro city....i dont think dat i can spend my whole life wid my fiance and want to break my relationship wid him but i dont noe what is correct and what not..m not able to decide which direction to choose n whr to go....
m completely helpless....
plz help.

Hii ab1991,
Thanks for writing us.
Well dear, we solve many issues where either a girl or a boy is in love with someone else and is forced to marry some other individual without choice or by family force, I don't really get what is the case for yours, If you didn't really like your fiancé, then why did you choose to get engaged with him, you might have demanded some time to get acquainted with the guy before getting engaged and then might have decided whether to get engaged with him or not, surely this is now a grave problem for your parents to cancel this engagement and to get away with that embarrassment infront of all the family members of yours and also the family of the boys side.
However, try to explain your parents that its the question of your whole life and just coz of fear of embarrassment you can not compromise with your whole life, Nobody has time to look for others matter for too long, every one is busy in their own life and with their own problems, people will talk for a month or two about this engagement and everything will fall in place again, but if you (Parents) choose to not to listen to me and making me forcefully marry to a guy whom I don't really like and can not think of spending my life with him, then the only responsibility of your daughter's misery and sadness will be you because you haven't listened to what your daughter has said to your before taking this step, Yes I know that I am too late to talk all this to you, but it is still not so late that we can not think over it once again, and moreover, the guy lives in U.S and I have to shift so far away after marrying him and this endangers and risks my life more, because I already don't like him and am not able to adjust with him right now, I may not contact you later if I face some more problems after going to UK, and you might later regret with your whole life by forcing this decision on me just to avoid embarrassment from the relatives.
Dad I already love a guy and I wish to marry him as he loves me too, he also works in a good reputed MNC company in metros and is also financially strong so your daughter may not face any problem with related to finance or either love, please for once atleast meet that guy and try to know him and if you still don't like him, the final decision will be yours, but atleast for my sake meet him once and see how nice and caring and loving guy is and will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life.
You may also try to talk to your fiancé about this matter and try to convince him to cancel this marriage if he is wise, he will surely consider your grievances and be ready to help you to get your right guy than to waste his and your's life by marrying you
I hope this helps to solve your issue. Do revert back with updates once you talk to your father.

Hi ab1991,


Swapnilramani is one of best relationship advisors you will ever get to know and by that token whatever he said above is right. A minute but very important point that he raised was, why did you give your consent for the engagement when you were in love with someone else? Why is it that you girls often get confused with what you need and what you want? Why can't you make a decision and then not ponder upon?
Things would have been pretty simple had you said NO to the engagement. Now even after you are engaged with someone, you are still not sure what is right or what is wrong for you? So, in any case you don't have the rights to play with anybody's emotions, feelings and life.

I might be wrong in whatever I am writing here but I guess I should tell you what I think about you and your relationship. You belong to an age where almost everybody falls for someone. Its not your fault if you have developed some feelings for the opposite gender. Its the age where not only you but almost everybody believes that he/she is in love with every second person he/she is attracted to. This notion is not always right. What we consider love is actually a feeling or rather a phenomenon called Infatuation or putting simply, crush. The situation of dilemma, this uncertainty, emptiness and confusion everything happens because we don't know what's right for us and what's wrong. We want almost everything in our life partner.

This feeling of infatuation and crush is very intense sometimes, so much so that we perhaps ignore to see good qualities in other people. With such an intense and deep rooted feelings for someone we think we love, many a times we completely neglect the shortcomings of that person. Its all naturally done because our heart and brain are conditioned to think in one single direction of considering that person as the most caring, loving and respected individual.

According to me, this is exactly the same case with you. Had you been very serious and deep down in love with the guy in question, you wouldn't have had consent to the engagement and marriage. You accepted the marriage because, with most probability, you were confused then as you are now and not because your family forced you into it.
You have developed a very intense feeling of likeness for your " boyfriend " so much, that, in your eyes, whatever he does is ever wrong and whatever your fiance does is ever right. But let me tell you dear, just like, everything that glitters is not gold, every feeling of likeness and compassion you feel is not LOVE.

Dear, with everything said above, my honest advise to you would be to stop shifting your mind from one person to another. Your parents have chosen him because after careful considerations they believe that he is the right choice for you. Whatever you feel for him will disappear with time. Its your infatuation, your crush on him that you like him for some or the other reason.

Try to acknowledge things you have. You are lucky enough to have a guy like your fiance. Try to overlook the shortcomings of your fiance. Try to dug in more and find out the good qualities in him. Stop thinking about the guy you "love" and cherish what you have.


Everything written above is my viewpoint, which is an outcome of my personal experiences and understanding of the situation.