I cannot understand my GF Behaviour

Hi friends, i am 30yrs Guy and my Gf is 22yrs. My GF is acting very much weired.

We are into relationship since last 8month. My GF friend proposed me and I told her i need time, till then we will spend some time together, know each other and then will decide. I informed my parents about this and she also informed to her parents. We then started meeting eachother, spent time together and finally I agreed her proposal. Intially she would call me often, gave lots of Gifts and tired to keep me happy in all aspects. We use to meet every alternate day. She stays in one end of the city and i stay at the other but still she managed to to met me almost everyday and would stay late evening with me. She invited me at her home for some or the other function and introduded me to all of her family members and she would also talk to my parents on phone on some special ocassions of mine.

Later (4 months) as the days passed she resisted meeting late eveinig and would like to go home early. Then after few days she would meet only twice a week. Rather things she use to do for me I started doing for her, I would go her place to meet her, to spend time with herand would call her often. Situation was totally changed. I can understand that its natural and I too was happy in doing so. I love her very much.

Every thing was going smooth in our rekationship till then. But three month back we started with some kind of discussion and it endedup into argument. Later whenever i discussed about the changed behaviour she would get angry and would talk rudely. This happened most of the time as I was not able to understand and I need some solution with some matured discussion.

Few days back she told me that before meeting me she had an afair with some guy in her locality for almost 3yrs. They had a broke up just before I can in her life. She said she is still talking to him as now her ex-guy cant stay without her and he tried to kill himself. She says she loves me but this guy loves her and she loved him in past. She says she has messed up her life completey and is confused. She says she dont want to leave me and asked my help. I told her i will support her in any of her decsion. Now whenever I call her, she talks to me, says love you and gives lots of kisses.

Please friends let me know what is she upto, does she really loves me. I am ready to help her in anyways unless and until things are clear to me or else we would endup with very devastating situation.

Santy,
looking at your post I think it is cleae that the girl is completely in a big mess, earlier she used to do things to woo you....she now seems in a big confusion whether to choose the past or present and she is not able to come to a point,
I think she needs some time to sort out the things, give her some space to decide whatvl she has to do, n in meanwhile stand with her as a pillar of love and support to her to arrive at a decision.
You can also try to make her understand that whatever she had in her past was a past and she has to come over it and accept what is the present as thinking about the past may lead to lost of happylife in present as well as in future, tell her that you love her and you will support her on whatever decision she makea and will lnot force anything from urside on her, let her take her own time till she decides and eventually boost her spirit of living life happily by supporting her

Hi Santy,

Thank you for writing to us.

Going by every word you have written above, there are some noticable facts about your relationship with her. I'd say, there are some loopholes which need your attention.

1) Your relationship is just 8 month old and a very new, tender, immature just like a new born infant. Definitely, you guys need to give some more time to it. Fights, fluctuations, friction in a relationship that is just 8 months old is somewhat not good for its health. This is the prime reason of confusion and low self-confidence that your girl is facing. So, work in a direction as to strengthen your bond with her. Let her realize that you are with her as her lifetime support and not the one who is constantly fighting and quibbling.

2) Have a look at your age difference. She is just 22 while you are 30. Definitely, she belongs to a younger age group than yours. For obvious natural reasons, you might portrait an image of very sober, gentle and mature human being while she has just come out of her teenager charms to enter a world of adolescence. Understand a very basic point, for her being in a relationship might not be a very serious thing as it is for you. For something as serious and natural as Love, it requires a very open and understanding mind. It might be a possibility that, she could have misunderstood these sweet feeling for you as Love but in reality it might just be her infatuation or in simple words, crush.

Her change in behavior could be an outcome that now, after being in a relationship with you and understanding the dynamics of it, knowing you well, her feelings for you might be fading off slowly and steadily. The whole confusion about which you have mentioned above can as well be a result that she doesn't feel for you the same as what she felt for you back then. Its just because, probably, she never loved you. It was just a mere attraction, a crush or infatuation that she felt for you and misjudged it as love.

Don't get mistaken, I am not saying this is the root cause, but this can be a possibility.


3) As mentioned, she had a relationship in her past which lasted for almost 3 years. You cannot deny with the fact that she still have those deep rooted feelings for her ex-boyfriend. Understand, 3 years is a very long time for a relationship. You may see many changes occurring in one's relationship as an how it develops and passes it time span of few years. So, for obvious reasons, there is nothing unnatural if she is confused about her ex-boyfriend and you because of her feelings attached with him.


Now, your homework would be to sit with her, discuss with her about her past relationship and get some knowledge how good or bad it was and whether she has some feelings stuck in heart for him or not? Try to make her feel comfortable and ease down the situation. Don't argue or get angry is she agrees to have some feelings for her ex, because you know, its actually normal.

Talk to her about all this and tell her that she can take sometime to decide with what direction she would like to go? Make her feel easy by telling her that it wouldn't hurt you much even if she at the end of the day, decided to part ways with you or leave you. Tell her, that she needs sometime to actually realize whom she loves and whom she would like to continue her journey with?

If, she sticks to the point that she loves you and wants to be with you, just tell her to first end everything related to her past first, and then, come to you because you wouldn't like her to feel confused and guilty for leaving someone she probably loved in her life. So, she should first end all her previous ties and then come to you. You are always there to accept her.





Understand it was her first love and its actually very difficult to forget someone you ever loved in the first place. So, don't mind if you have to live with her past for a few more years in your life. These feelings are hard to go.

But, nevertheless the point is not in being her first love. The point is being the last person on earth she ever loved.

Thanx dear,

I discussed the matter with her in a very matured way. I told her that i will rescpect her decision and will support her in anyways. She started crying and answered to all my questions saying that she loves me and would rather be one of most happiest woman in the world to tie wedding knots with me as I am the one who understand her the most.

Later She told me the reason why she was behaving so. The reason for doing so was, she didnt want to me to suffer as she had suffered in past and didnt want me to get habituated (in hindi - aaddat) with her if things didnt materialize. In return I apprecciated her by saying, its good, she disclosed me all her past and I thanxed her for doing so. I said her that I donot have any bad feeling about her past and her past donot disturbs me, the thing that disturbs me is her changed behaviour. Then I explained her all the changes happened to her behaviour. She too understood and told me that she will definately change her behaviour and would never be confused again.

Now I am finding her behaviour changed with more positive approach towards me. Lets hope for the best, till then as suggested by you, I will stand besides her, boost her spirit for her happy living.

I suppose your point 3 is best suited in my case.
Now after discussing the matter with I am confident to say that I would be the last person on earth she ever loved.

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________-
Thanx dear,

I discussed the matter with her in a very matured way. I told her that i will rescpect her decision and will support her in anyways. She started crying and answered to all my questions saying that she loves me and would rather be one of most happiest woman in the world to tie wedding knots with me as I am the one who understand her the most.

Later She told me the reason why she was behaving so. The reason for doing so was, she didnt want to me to suffer as she had suffered in past and didnt want me to get habituated (in hindi - aaddat) with her if things didnt materialize. In return I apprecciated her by saying, its good, she disclosed me all her past and I thanxed her for doing so. I said her that I donot have any bad feeling about her past and her past donot disturbs me, the thing that disturbs me is her changed behaviour. Then I explained her all the changes happened to her behaviour. She too understood and told me that she will definately change her behaviour and would never be confused again.

Now I am finding her behaviour changed with more positive approach towards me. Lets hope for the best, till then as suggested by you, I will stand besides her, boost her spirit for her happy living.

Well Santy I am happy to know that your problem is solved and thanks for informing us because it boosts our confidence as well seeing our suggestions are valuable and helpful for guys like you to overcome your problems in relationships, have a happy life with your girlfriend and try to make her feel special by doing all little to big things to woo her and always stand besides her in every step of life...gud luk mate

Dear swapnilramani. I hope the problem is resolved. will let u know the status. Till den pls. Guide me how do i scope with my emotions while giving her support. Bcos i am continously thinking why she said "dont want to get habituated" . In this saying if she said that she dont want me to get habituated den its absolutely ok bcos here she is thinking of me and caring me. But if she said that she dont wannna get habituated den u know whati mean, its an alarming situation or not. Pls. Help me with this. Or should i rediscuss this topic again with her.

Hi Santy,
As Pulkit said, your relationship with u gf is quite new and immature and also the fact that her past relationship had failed is still alive in her heart deep inside, so it will take time for her to get back to her normal and start believing in you, also the fact that you are elder one in this relationship makes me believe that you are the one who have to behave in a very matured way and handle the relationship with lot of care, love and patience, but yes till she completely accepts u and starts getting to her normal, I will suggest you to be supportive to her and always make her feel special, you have to show her what she means to you, here is what you can do,
1. Try to spebd more and more time with her and get to know her in person
2. Woo her by making her feel special whenever you two are alone by giving her gifts
3. And till things get to normal, I suggest you not to rush out or get too much involved because its really too early to get too much involved in a tender relationship, but that doesn't mean not to care for ua partner, but what it means is to behave matured enough and patient to take anything that is screwing up ua gfs mind from her....give chance to know each other the best and let the time to strengthen your relationship with trust, love and loyalty