problem with my guy friend, not sure whats going on . need Help ???

actually i met this guy last year in the month of may , so within few weeks he chucked me out of his life , saying he is not attracted to me . so he contacts me again after 6 months . well before that he was in a relationship with a girl for 7 yrs , things didnt go well , so they broke up .

so he contacts me after 6 months, all of sudden while i was having my semester exam . i wasnt so happy neither excited but surely shocked.
we went out for a day and he gets physical with me . i was ok with it . coz i did like him at first.
6:22pm
so since den onwards till nov 2011 we continued our close friendship nothing serious.

so finally in the NOV 2011 all of a sudden i asked him a question do u like me or do u see me more than a friend , he replied me saying I dont see anything more , i just see u as a friend , moreover we belong to different religion , so he didnt want to think anything furthur

so i agreed with him and still maintain the close friendship( physical) with him
now just two weeks back , while i was sitting with him on the couch in a resturant

we were talking about marriage , coz his mom wants him to get married and he cant marry anyone except the same caste girl and blah blah...
so finally after sometime he looks at me and says I love u .
i was shocked and cudnt look into his face
so i replied thank you
he then said so thats all i get to hear . when i was talking on a serious note

Well than i reminded him about how he told me that he doesnt see me more than a friend
so he replied me saying I am a smart girl
and cut the topic half the way

later when he was dropping me back home , he told me i have mixed feelings and confused about the situtation. I didnt reply him .


i am sad and confused n hurt , moreover he speaks about his ex gf . And in the process of out friendship , one day he shouted at me saying I love her a lot and the next person whom i will love is my wife. this happned months before he cud say i love u to me .
anyways what do i do

Hello shub04,

Well I went through your problem statement and all I can suggest is you both need to talk to each other over this issue frankly and decide what do you guys want from it eventually. Its absolutely wrong on his part to be with you in a physical relationship on one hand and still be with his ex ( though not physically, but mentally ) on the other hand at same time.

You actually need to tell him that you are not a means for entertainment for him and nor are you someone with whom he can fulfill his sexual desires. You need to tell him that you are an individual in your own respect and you have equal rghts to make your own choices and abide by them, rather than waiting for his acceptance and rejection.

You both need to work out on this through mutual conversation. I hope it will help.

Hi Pulkit, I was waiting for your reply on this topic, I actually wait to see your views on relationship issues and you have good understanding upon them.

Here, however, I think that both girl and the boy mutually accepted that they need each other for physical needs, when guy broke-up with his ex, he was mentally broken so he came this girl and he infact told her right in the beginning that there is no scope in their relation for future, so girl ie. OP also prepared her mind, things were fine between both (with small acceptable quarrels etc.) but when this guy seriously saw that he will have to marry someone else, he realizes that he now LOVES this girl. Issue is that mentally he is and was never prepared for this and this is the reason that he has mixed feelings for her.

Now this created confusion for the OP too as she had prepared herself right in the beginning that this relation is not more than satisfying each others needs.

So in short, this guy really loves this girl now, but issue is that he need to understand that can he really stand for it. So as Pulkit asked, Shubh, you have to talk him and if he really understands and accept from heart that he now loves you real then you both decide your next step of life.

If he decides to marry as per mother's wish, its fine but he needs to make sure that he never regret his decision later, so you both sit and talk on each aspect about this and yes, please share with us what you both decides ..

And welcome to eTI :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yahoo

Hi Pulkit, I was waiting for your reply on this topic, I actually wait to see your views on relationship issues and you have good understanding upon them.

Here, however, I think that both girl and the boy mutually accepted that they need each other for physical needs, when guy broke-up with his ex, he was mentally broken so he came this girl and he infact told her right in the beginning that there is no scope in their relation for future, so girl ie. OP also prepared her mind, things were fine between both (with small acceptable quarrels etc.) but when this guy seriously saw that he will have to marry someone else, he realizes that he now LOVES this girl. Issue is that mentally he is and was never prepared for this and this is the reason that he has mixed feelings for her.

Now this created confusion for the OP too as she had prepared herself right in the beginning that this relation is not more than satisfying each others needs.

So in short, this guy really loves this girl now, but issue is that he need to understand that can he really stand for it. So as Pulkit asked, Shubh, you have to talk him and if he really understands and accept from heart that he now loves you real then you both decide your next step of life.

If he decides to marry as per mother's wish, its fine but he needs to make sure that he never regret his decision later, so you both sit and talk on each aspect about this and yes, please share with us what you both decides ..

And welcome to eTI :)

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Hello Yahoo, whatever you have said about this post is absolutely right. Both of them are equally okay with physical relationship they are having with each other. But what I feel is, shub04 here is, driven more by the guys decisions rather than her own. Being in a physical relationship was her own decision, I agree, but we should not forget she actually liked him too. But if you come to this boy, whatever happened with him makes me believe that he is really confused about his life and relationships. Initially, he "chucked" shub04 out, then, he broke up with his 7 year old girlfriend, then he again entered her life, got physical with her, then said you are not more than just a friend and finally he proposed her.

So, it provides a valid a reason for me to believe that, he is not emotionally linked to shub04, instead its just the physical intimacy/physical relationship which is speaking here.

My work here was to warn shub04 and at the same time unite them too ( because as she said, she loves/likes him. ).
I want shub04 to reconfirm on the point that if its actually love from his side or its just the lust thats speaking. If he loves her truly, its well and good but if its other way round, I don't think so its appreciable for shub04 to continue it as it will lead her to nowhere.

Still, I totally agree with whatever you said too. I take that as the other side of the same coin. We both have told her what she should actually do but final decision rest with her. So, I guess our work is over.
Also, thank you so much for those words of appreciation. It really feels nice when people trust me, a person whom they haven't seen, haven't heard..whom they don't know. Thank you so much !!! [/B]

This is a bit confusing situation... Try consulting a person who has a good experience about this world and who understands this better, but don't try to do as per your mind, instead work according to your heart. Even try consulting your parents.

_______________________
Love Astrology

Rahul Janab, why you always ask people to consult someone experience, they are already here for this and I hope we have people with plenty of experience to guide them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yahoo

Rahul Janab, why you always ask people to consult someone experience, they are already here for this and I hope we have people with plenty of experience to guide them.

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Ha ha ha..... this is really awesome yaar. Even I was thinking the same. There is another girl named, khushi who thinks the same way.
Rahul, if you can suggest something better than this to them, please comment on the post. But if its just this that you want to tell them, then its my request, please don't comment as it will create a doubt in the original poster's mind and heshe will get confused.