Want my ex-girlfriend back but worried about my wife and daughter.

Hi,

I am married for last 3 years and have a daughter from this marriage. Me and my wife always get into big arguments and often threaten divorce. I somehow manage to handle situation but its very temporary. Recently my ex-gf (we dated for 3 yrs before my marraie and broke up bcos of our parents) came in touch with me and said she wants to comeback. I do love her a lot and so does she. I believe we can be happy together. I am worried about my wife's future and my daughter's future.
I am not sure what to do. Can you please help.

You are in complicated situation but answer is simple.. even though if you don't care much about your wife as you both have differences, but I guess you care a lot about your girl ie. your daughter. And for the sake of daughter forget your ex-girlfriend.

Even if you managed to get your wife divorced and married to your ex-gf and she also accept your daughter with heart, your daughter won't have good life. Rest is upto you to know about whose parents divorced in such young age and also the complication regarding same.

So if I decide to stay with my wife and daughter there will be these arguments and fights which we have had in past. What do you think is best option for my kid: Fighting parents or divorced parents or step mom and loving father. One thing I want you to notice is me and my ex can live happily together and take care of my daughter. So in summary I have three options:
1. Try to get back and resolve issues with my wife
2. Divorce my wife and marry ex and take care of kid
3. Give up both wife and ex. And lead single life and visit kid and daughter every now and then.
I really appreciate your inputs.

I thnk u should try to save ur marriage life ! coz ur wife didn't knw abt ur reltn nd marriage u nd leave her everythng for u so u should take care for her. I can understnd dat u lov sum1 b't sumtym v should do thnk abt oders. and u should thnk abt ur daughter atleast....It's hard to forget ur luv b't just try..

I wanted to marry the love of my life from college, but it didn't happen due to my parents opposing it and me being in US at the wrong time. I moved on and got married and have 2 kids, but could never really love my wife. I have been thinking about my gf almost every day.

Still I have been a good husband and relatively stable in my marriage and having some fun. 10 years into my marriage, my wife cheats on me with my own brother and this pretty much took what ever had for my wife out of my heart. Now I am hating my wife and staying married just for the kids. My love and longing for my gf has gotten very strong now and almost feel like I want to go meet her and be with her. We never really broke up, we had a lot of feelings for each other and didn't really closeout our relationship. I feel miserable with my wife.

Should I try contacting my gf? I haven't been in touch with her for more than 15yrs now, but my love for her stronger than ever. I feel like I cannot be happy until I meet her and be with her. Would appreciate any input(s)

You should try to mend your relation, you should think about children and try to manage it for them and if you give love to your wife, she will not do same mistake again.

@kkamalesh

I think, you need to sit and think, with a clear mind, decide and very sincerely pursue what you think is the perfect solution to this entire situation.

Like, you have said you already let go off the love of your life for the sake of your parents once and now when life's given you another opportunity, you're about to repeat the same mistake in the name of your wife and your children. Perhaps, again you're about to create a situation where you know no one's going to be really happy at the end of it all.

Worst is, even if you continue playing the "perfect" father / husband / son, at the end of it all, you know it's all a big lie. Perhaps, you're faking it for others, for whatever reasons.

No matter, what it may sound like, but sometimes it is necessary to be honest, more than anything. Who knows, perhaps your wife could sense something was missing in your married life together, perhaps a reason, she strayed. I think, the two of you - you & your wife, need to talk things out, if things are not working out, then accept it, that it's not. Part on an amicable note. Set each other free from this lie, and give each other an opportunity to find the affection the two of you deserve but not with each other.

The Original poster has posed a very important question, "What's better: fighting parents or divorced parents?"

About time, we think! A relationship based on honesty is more important than a lie well executed!

Hello audacious,

I don't know if you are really following this post of yours but if you are, then I have go to say something. First thing comes first, you need to realize what are the issues you and your wife fight on or generally have arguments on. Once you have those reasons in your hand, you can very well work on those to eliminate them from your life.

Well, regarding your ex-gf all I can say is its just not justified to leave your present wife and go to her. Things what you had earlier ended 3 years ago. Now you are in a committed relationship with your wife, you are married and you are also father to a sweet girl. I don't think so you should leave your present settled life and go to your girlfriend..as it will disturb not just you and your wife but also everybody attached either to you or your wife or your ex-gf.

I understand, you guys met after 3 years and its usual and genuine that when you meet someone, you love after a very long time, you tend to attach to that person emotionally..... and sometimes these emotions play a very confusing role so much so that we get involved in that person too much. But the actual thing is, you should realize its just a matter of some temporary emotions which will disappear soon.

So try to be practical and try to understand you have a settled life and just because of some daily arguments with your wife, you are ready to ruin 3 lives.

This is my heartiest request to you NOT TO MAKE PERMANENT DECISIONS ON TEMPORARY EMOTIONS !!!

Instead try to figure out the flaws in your married life and try to sort them out with your wife patiently. I am sure things will be fine.

All The Best !!
Take Care !!