Please suggest way for my love life - Orthodox family against marriage

Hi everone. M nidhi. M 23yrs old, belongs frm an orthodox fmly. Hve an elder voilnt arouser brother.. In a 7yrs reltnshp. Prblm facng.. My famly hd fixed my marriage. N in my fmly thy dnt considered good to ask for grls decisions in a marriage councellng. Famly can nvr prefr intercaste n love marrge as dy wl spoil their reputatn name fame in society. Thy pple are plang to do my marrge in feb. N small functns in cmg november, i tried to convince them by using my base of education. M ma final yr 3semester student. I tried to win their heart by sayng frst i want to settle down then i want to marry but they ignre my concern. N even said that if i didnt stop my sayng abt my education then they wl stop my education. Thy r just makng me study for nothg. They are bothered about it at all.
My better half is persng mba correspndce. He needs 2ys to settle atlst. He dnt hve a father.. Jst maa.. Who is with us. V have some funds in our banks accnt. When nthg can happn in ds suitatn v pple wre left with jst one optn..i.e regstr marriage. V thght v wll do ds n be leglly strng atlst. N then v wll run away frm our parents atlst for time..jab tak sab thoda cool na ho jae... V dnt want to hit the iron when hot coz dat wll leads to our fall only. When i wll leave i wl leave a letter to my parents tellng them evry truth. N v wll also drop xerox of our regster marrge certfcte so dat dy can file a case agnt my betterhalf famly or him. I jst want to ask is this all right..do ds step wll make sense... I even want to knw excattly wat all n how should i write a lettr..help needed

Hi Nidhi, welcome to the eTI forums.

First of all , we ie. all members of eTI never encourage anyone to go against parent's and hurt them by eloping , marrying against their will. I know you may have tried everything to convince parents but still I want to you think again. Your LOVE is not yet settled, he need time, so even if you both are together, you are going to see a hard life. Even MBA is not a guarantee of good job, it takes time and if he is under pressure to earn for you, he may not get best possible opportunity for him and he may compromise with whatever he gets.

I suggest that you both consult a lawyer since its a serious matter and then take your action.

hw can lawyer help us in ds? Wat i thought dat watevr i suggested, wll hve a hot discussion for ard a week n all.. Then whn my parents will c dey cant do anythg thr hve to gve up.. I knw m m nt giving my parents a choice,.. But if i become flexible on this i wll bcme emotional. I thnk emotions shudnt be a part of serious soncern..isnt so?

i mean like wat can a lawyer do in ds? Hw can he hlp.. My bttrhalf wl be wrkng in sme bpo as a part time that wll be adngg grades to hs mba experience... Evn i wll be focusng on my masters.. I alrdy take tutions.. I wll continue ds.. Then my 2 famly is also intrstd in bed.. Thy wll mke me do bed...whch cnse 1 yr dat mean aftr 2yr v wl both be settle.. Atlst my degree are all in 1st divisions rank.. Jst 2yr struggle i thnk can mke my lfe atlst happy coz i wud be hvng d 1 whom i loved n who eqully love me back. If i opt for my family choice i wl spoil many lifes d persn wth whom i wd be marries to hs famly nmy fmly even i... All wl be in mess bttr i shud comprmse my famly name n my prestige n atlst be happy for life..

Hi nidhi verma,


Wow.... you seem to me pretty intelligent. You have planned everything for you. The way you will elope and the way you will register for a court marriage etc. But, I tell you what, you need to GROW UP !!!

You wrote it very well - don't strike the iron when its hot. But why did you missed on another idiom - Life is not bed of Roses.

Dear, you need to have a mature mindset when you talk about relationships. Think practically and act smartly. You are not an Alice in Wonderland. Do you realize what you just wrote above ? I believe you don't.

Rightly said above by Savera, we don't encourage this idea of eloping away and getting married fairly because, you are leaving your parents who are the one responsible for making you what you are. You are leaving someone who have faced all hardships and problems in bringing you up. And which is why they have all the rights to choose a perfect match for you according to their own wish. Tell me, how long has it been since you know your boyfriend ? 7 years ?? And tell me how long do you know your parents ? 23 long years, right ? So, you can leave a person whom you know from past 23 long years for a person whom you have been knowing from past 7 years. You can leave a person who has bore all the hardships and difficulties in life, who has N number of sacrifices to give you a better livelihood, to make you stand in this society and make your own identity ??

If you think leaving your parents for your boyfriend is a good idea, then let me tell you, your parents will always feel guilty of having a daughter like you and I don't feel sorry for saying this.

Also, when you knew that your family is very orthodox and totally against love marriages, what was the need to get into a relationship and face this time?
So, if you consider yourself worth of the life that is given to you, drop this idea of eloping away and getting married. This is not the solution to your problem. I feel really sorry for you that your boyfriend is supporting you in this decision of yours. This is strange.





Now coming to your problem....

See this is very much natural that parents do object in matters of marriage and love. I have hardly seen any parents who have readily agreed upon marrying their daughter or son to someone of their choice. Parents have a very different approach towards marriage and unlike us, they see alot many things while considering marriage as a whole viz, the boy, his family background, his financial stability, caste, gotra, religion etc.

Consider your situation, you love a guy who is still not settled in life. He is pursuing his MBA through correspondence and will need atleast 2-3 years to set a foothold in life. Just the reason that you love him and you guys are in a relationship for past 7 years is not enough for you to convince your parents. Where they see so many things in a marriage, just the reason that you love your boyfriend will never prove to be enough for them to digest and marry you to him. So, this is a typically difficult case.

Moreover, as the present situation of the country and the market, doing an MBA through correspondence can never guarantee a good job and handsome salary. Even guys who have done a full time MBA graduate program from a reputed universities are unsatisfied with the nature of job they are doing and the salaries offered to them. So, in times of such difficulties, MBA trough correspondence will put a huge question mark on his qualifications in future.

Moreover your parents are very reluctant in marrying you off soon. So, it gives me with an idea that your family will not wait long for your marriage and they might end up with you in an year or so.

Considering everything above, speaking frankly, it will be very much difficult for you to convince your parents because you don't have a strong point. All you can do is, talk to the most understanding and influential person of your family and ask for some more time till you also settle down in your life. But I cannot guarantee that, this will solve the problem at all.

If they are very much adamant on marrying you off soon, then I guess you should do what they want you to do. I understand its very much heart breaking to end off with a 7 year long relationship but there are times when you have to face some unavoidable situations and you cannot do anything about them.
Nevermind, you both can still be friends with each other as long as you wish to and continue to be each other's support in times of happiness and sadness.

I understand, all that is written above is indeed very direct and very pinching but I don't see any hope here. The last that you can do is, ask for some more time from your family members and wait till he secures a job for himself and is financially sound. Just the reason that you love him, might not be enough to convince your parents.


This is all I have to say, I really wish others suggest you with something better than this.

watever i wrote i thnk i sounds loyal to my suitation. Dnt u thnk probably 1 of d mst imprtnt decicsn in my lfe wud be whom i chose as my life partnr.ths 1 decision wl decide d fate of mre than perhaps 2-3 of my life it wl decide hw happy or sadevry day of my lfe wl be.
"i knw wats gud fr u so shut up n do as i say" is 1 f d scatiest lines i hve come across.i can undrstnd dat elders r concerned abt their children n want d best for them.bt do i want the best for me or do i hve to choose for them? If i truely want d best for them,i wl encourge thm to decide.mrrge is an imprtnt decsn f my lfe n it shd be mine too.. Parents alwsy thnk dat thy mke d rght decision for their kids.there is a fear dat their daughtr mght end up takng a wrng decision n spoiling her life.if everyone starts thnkg dat even if a persn takes(good/bad) dat persn wl learn smthg n move on.
I wonder wats our ground to thnk dat parents knws better? Thres nthg lke absolute best
what best for me is most likely best known by me.
If encourgng parents make a strong willed child, i wll say discoraging parents do an eqully gud job.
Bttr one shud end up smewhre in betwn...
N othr thng wch u mention abt my partner dat u wonder y is he supportng me in ds.. It coz v dnt want to create mre mess.. N shd nt be d reasns dr d ones whom we marries, coz thse gems r no whre wrng, so y punishng thm.. I knw he is nt settled but i dnt mean he wl nt.. Evn m so qualified dat till d time i can earn.. V bth are nt flyng arrows in air, v r trng to hit d target..
M al alone.. I cant share my thgts to anyone expxt him.. V pple alws remain each othr supprt.. But still sme times i feel like i shd talk to sme othr.. But wth whom so m usng ds page to open my minds to new suggestion.. Still stands fr ur comments

Hi nidhi,


Very well, you do have all the rights by law to choose a person of your own choice as your life partner. But you should understand its life and its a question of your marriage. You cannot get married to 2-3 guys in your life saying that the previous marriage was your wrong decision.

I understand that you are mature enough to know what's right or wrong for you but you should also understand that you get to marry once in life. You cannot try on couple of guys, make 2-3 marriages saying that you made a wrong decision in your previous life. I am not saying that parents are always right in making their decisions but yes, they are 100% more experienced and knowledgeable that you are.

Just because you love him so much, you are perhaps not able to see the flip side of the coin. I respect your love and I always respect this beautiful feeling and I would be the last one to stop you from marrying the person you love. Its a 7 year old relationship and I very well know how deeply you both love each other. All I want to make my point on this is if you cannot borrow sometime for yourself and your boyfriend to settle down in life, you are left with no choice than to marry a person whom your parents chose for you.

Moreover, if you feel you guys will not create a mess by eloping away, then you are highly mistaken. By doing all this, you will give birth to even higher problems, which perhaps you are not able to see or rather don't want to see because you are too much into his love. But, this is what is right and practical.

Think practically, analyse and then move further. Its okay if you break off with him after 7 long years. People do, it happens and its for you and your boyfriends own good. Don't you think, eloping away and marrying with him will put an extra burden of yourself on his shoulders of carrying you as his wife ? Moreover, if your parents drag him into kidnapping case, it might ruin his whole future ? To secure every good job, an employee has to undergo a Background Check Process to see if he is clean. If your boyfriend is involved in any case, he will never be able to clear the Background Check and his chances to secure a good job will become a question. Eloping away seems nice and easy but its not. These are just few things that I told you. Moreover, parent's blessings are also important for everything big to ought to do in your life.

These are things that you don't know or perhaps you are not aware of. We, here are people who are not fools to talk about anything like this. If we said something, its always based and backed up on with some facts and experiences. Any decent individual with a somewhat practical approach in life, will never suggest you to elope and get married.

Talk to your parents and convince them is THE ONLY way out. Cry, plead, be adamant but NOT rude and make them realize you are nothing without your boyfriend. This is how things are made possible.


If eloping away is the only solution then I guess, this forum wouldn't have been there. Its one of the most visited forums of this site and we come across these situations on daily basis. If many people telling you that you are wrong, then that means, you are wrong. Everybody cannot lie.



I hope you get the point. Rest is on your will to do. I hope you will take a wise decision.