What to do in future about my marriage caste and age issue?

Hi,I am 23 and my girlfriend is 28.We are in relationship from last 4 years and we want to get married.We are from different caste and different state.My family is ok with the marriage if girl's parents are ok.They are not ok for marriage if girl's parents are not ok. Girl's parents are totally totally against this marriage.And there looks no chance in future to.Even my girl is trying to convince them.
The problem girl's parents have is I am from different caste and different community.Apart from this my girl is eldest in whole finally.Not only his family...among all family of her relatives..eldest girl.
One thing is very clear that there is no point to get married to someone else.Neither for her nor to me.Just no point.
I just want to ask some questions :-
(1) What should I do if her parents at last says "a total no"?
(2) Should I convince my parents to go and bring her to my home when her parents her not ready?

Hello vinay.singh,

Intercaste marriages have always been a very big problem in Indian community. Yours is the same case. Well, coming down to your 2 questions the answer to the second is what I am going to give first.

Should I convince my parents to go and bring her to my home when her parents her not ready?

Well, you are forgetting a very genuine point here and that is the girl is daughter of her parents and obviously they would never allow her to get married like her without them taking part in anything. Its not a movie where you can go to the girl's house, hit some 4-5 goons and get the girl. Its reality and if you try attempting do that, you might put behind the bars. A serious legal case will be fired against you and your family and you will find yourself in soup. So, my request to you is to think practically.
Moreover, its a wish of every girl to see her parents smiling at her wedding. You are actually not taking into considerations her emotions. Don't forget its her family, her parents who have been with her since her childhood and I feel she wouldn't be ready to take a step against them.
Also, your parents won't be ready for this and already told, doing this will put everybody in trouble.


Coming to your second question : What should I do if her parents at last says "a total no"?

Here, again its not you who is the only deciding person. Eloping away from parents and marrying or keeping them in dark and getting married is something I don't see a fancy idea. So, I won't be suggesting you this.
A "total no" from them means in any case they do not like their daughter getting married to you and the only thing that can be done here is, you guys should leave each other, try to forget each other and try to move on in your respective lives.
Understand, love doesn't happens once. You have your whole life in front of you. Ruining it for one person is not worth an idea. I understand it pinches deep inside but nothing can be done if you don't have the luck at your side.

I hope you understood what I wrote. Think practically and act accordingly.
Regarding intercaste marriage issues, there are a lot of posts on the forum. You can refer to couple of them on how to convince parents for marriage.

first of all I want to say that I am not talking about going to her home and fighting, I will hire a lawyer and with his legal advise i will take my steps.My girlfriend is all ready to this.I would have not done this but her parents are harassing her mentally and as well as physically.I have seen my senior taking the same steps with the help of lawyer and police.
I want to make this very clear once again that my girlfriend is ready with any step I will take to bring her out.
Her parents are not like all.From childhood her mother harassed her mentally on each small point.
My parents are ok for any step of mine and they are with me.
I hope you will answer more responsibly as its the matter of two side.Either I think for her parents or think for my girlfriend.And this is very clear I will think for my girlfriend.Please give a quick reply.

http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...ds-dr-sky.html

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Originally Posted by vinay.singh

first of all I want to say that I am not talking about going to her home and fighting, I will hire a lawyer and with his legal advise i will take my steps.My girlfriend is all ready to this.I would have not done this but her parents are harassing her mentally and as well as physically.I have seen my senior taking the same steps with the help of lawyer and police.
I want to make this very clear once again that my girlfriend is ready with any step I will take to bring her out.
Her parents are not like all.From childhood her mother harassed her mentally on each small point.
My parents are ok for any step of mine and they are with me.
I hope you will answer more responsibly as its the matter of two side.Either I think for her parents or think for my girlfriend.And this is very clear I will think for my girlfriend.Please give a quick reply.

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Hello vinay.singh,

Well involving a lawyer in this and fighting legally might help. But understand, you are still not the deciding person. What her life was, is or will be should be decided by herself and her parents. Had it been really difficult for her to handle her parents from childhood, she could have lodged a complaint against them for harassing her mentally and physically.
This thing can be sorted out if she herself lodges a complaint against her parents for harassing her mentally and physically and urge the court to let her marry you for you can take care of her better than her parents. Since your parents have no issues with this, things might become easy from your end. But your involvement into it directly to safeguard her from her parents can bring in a lot of problems from their side. The question of why are you bothered and how does it matters to you or what rights do you have over the girl or her parents that you are taking this step might proof to be enough for her parents to keep you away from all this.

Consult a lawyer for the same and seek help from him on this. He might be the single point of contact for you in this. Also, try to get in touch with your senior to know what exactly his case was, before you think of acting that way.

Yes,lodging a complain from her side will be better.I have consulted my senior.In his case the girl was home kidnapped.The boy's father was a lawyer.They lodged a complain,they went to there home with police and brought the girl to there home and then married.
I have asked final answer from my girlfriend and she is all ok.
Thanks for th

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vinay.singh

Yes,lodging a complain from her side will be better.I have consulted my senior.In his case the girl was home kidnapped.The boy's father was a lawyer.They lodged a complain,they went to there home with police and brought the girl to there home and then married.
I have asked final answer from my girlfriend and she is all ok.
Thanks for th

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I really don't know if this will work out and so I am advicing you to consult a qualified lawyer, so that, if something wrong happen, he is their to help you out.
Take this step after careful considerations and let your girlfriend initiate the things. Only if things are agreed upon and okay from both sides, which includes your girl and parents, go for it else wait for sometime.

Yes I am waiting.
I just want to share one thing that yesterday her father called her sister and asked that my gf and her mother(bcz she gave birth to her) must be shot. Should I consider this a danger sigh and act now.Or I should wait a bit more till a last green signal from my girl friend.
My gf's mother came to her and now his husband is asking not to come back to home and stay there for always till my gf says yes for marriage.So her mother is stuck and so as my gf. She blackmail her daily both mentally and physically.My gf is working person so its too hard for her to work whole day and then tolerate a this.I am worried for her as she is strong but I am doubtful that the amount of stress she is handling can cause some issues to her.
I asked her today and she told to wait. She says shw will try till last to convince her parents and if not successful than will take action then.

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Originally Posted by vinay.singh

Yes I am waiting.
I just want to share one thing that yesterday her father called her sister and asked that my gf and her mother(bcz she gave birth to her) must be shot. Should I consider this a danger sigh and act now.Or I should wait a bit more till a last green signal from my girl friend.
My gf's mother came to her and now his husband is asking not to come back to home and stay there for always till my gf says yes for marriage.So her mother is stuck and so as my gf. She blackmail her daily both mentally and physically.My gf is working person so its too hard for her to work whole day and then tolerate a this.I am worried for her as she is strong but I am doubtful that the amount of stress she is handling can cause some issues to her.
I asked her today and she told to wait. She says shw will try till last to convince her parents and if not successful than will take action then.

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Hello there,
I guess she is having a step-father. I am not getting as to what is happening at her end. Why would her father call her sister( his daughter) and her to shoot your gf and her mother ?? Why has the matter become so serious so much so that a father is ready to kill his daughter and wife??

I believe you should take a step now, marry your gf and bring her and her mother to your home. Stop thinking about what will happen next but do involve a laywer to handle the legal issues, if involved.

His father is saying that "if I will force her to marry someone else than she will die or that relation will not break.If I will marry on her choice than we will have insult in our society.So its better she dies now.We can tolerate that much of insult"
Her mother is saying that you are a black spot on our family and you should die.Her younger sister who is 18 years old is saying that if you will marry in other-caste than she will commit suicide because papa will break relation with mummy.
I am really confused and worried.She sleeps with her mother and I am worried that while she is sleeping,her mother can do anything.
Her one more sister who is 26 years old is saying that I will never ever let this marriage happen even papa and mummy are ok.
I am just blasting inside.Want to file a case against all of them.How my girl is tolerating all this?
Give me a final suggestion.

One more update that today her father said her mom to come back home tomorrow and said that he is coming to meet her soon.
I am worried.Suddenly he asked her mom to come and he himself is coming ? Why ?
Please reply asap.

I can fell it...something wrong is going to happen ? What should I do if his father forcibly take her to home?

Hi vinay.singh,

See now the things are clear. Yo can very well get an idea how difficult the situation might become if you try attempt doing anything further. You very well know how desperately her parents and siblings are against this marriage. They are not only against this marriage but are ready to either commit suicide or do honour killing in name of intercaste love. The situation is really a mess and sincerely there are no chances of it being work out anyway.

Now you have two ways :

1) Either you can leave the girl on her own and obey to what his parents and family is saying. going against their wish might turn out to be a night mare if they really dare to do what they intend to do. Understand like many of us, your love was not in your destiny. Atleast your girl's life is safe and nobody( including her family ) is going to harm her or you. Just leave and forget anything that happen. Realize its your life also which is on stake and you have your parents, your family whom you have to take care of.
When things are becoming so difficult to handle for both of you, I feel, leaving all this and giving up is far BETTER an option than initiating a fight against her family and risking your and her lives.
so, honestly speaking, if I would have been at your place, I would have adviced her to leave all this and get married to whomsoever her parents want her to.

2) Second option is fight a legal case against them, put everything on stake and try to get your girl. Next if you hear something from her family, such as, her father committed suicide due to insult he faced in his society or whatsoever, you shouldn't blame yourself and should overlook the matter.
Involving in this might put your and your girl's life on risk too. If they really intend to do what they said, things might become really difficult to handle.
This is something I would advice you to avoid because it involves a lot of risk and a long drawn tussle between both the families.


The choice is upto you to take. Going with the second step, you should involve a lawyer and power at your side because this would be something her parents and family is not expecting. Doing so might make them take grave steps against you. so be prepared for that.

Make a wise decision !!!!

I will not take a single step back.I will fight.I will fight till end.No choice left.