Admin,
My query is resolved. Can you kindly delete this thread please.
I have discussed something personal here which I dont want to keep online anymore.
Please remove this entire thread.
Admin,
My query is resolved. Can you kindly delete this thread please.
I have discussed something personal here which I dont want to keep online anymore.
Please remove this entire thread.
First of all , welcome to the community, I hope your stay will be interesting here.
Now coming to your issue, see I can understand how you are feeling but I think you should not take it hard, it can happen and it is very natural. You see as you mentioned, your girl is too good to be true but she is really a nice girl, she is living a simple life but I am sure somewhere she may have feeling that she is inside a cage , or something. Now this Honey Singh song, may be she just tried to have feeling of liberty, above any boundation, infact sometimes I have seen those who pretend to be simple get caught so easily in complicated things as for them they do not know how to handle it.
You can't superimpose your thoughts on her, this is not good from your side, let her have her own outlook and view, if she has strong will she can withstand any kind of person, situation . You should only advice her and let her decide what is good for her , just don't be over-possessive, you know, technically you are trying to even control her thoughts.. thats not good !
One more thing, she is really trying to be friend with you , open with you but as you make scene this time, in future she will be afraid anything similar with you. She has trust in you, don't spoil it, be her friend but not a possessive jerk !
(sorry if somewhere I sound rude)..
No Aarish. absolutely not. you didn't go rude. nor you need to say sorry. i infact like that you talked so frankly. thank you.
Thanks to you, after reading your comments, I actually called my girl up and said few good things to her just to relax her and also asked her pardon. I think this had good effect and it was very very necessary. Otherwise tension would build up and hurt both of us. Thank you again.
But my problem is I am very true to my feelings so if I am feeling 'bad' about any of her acts / characteristics, I can't hide it. May be I can hide stuff from my parents BUT NEVER from my girlfriend. I have to tell her what I like and what I don't. I will appreciate if you advice me on two things :
1. I am a sensitive and emotional kind of person who easily gets hurt. Next time when I get angry over her, how do I manage my anger? My gf also told me just now that what I do wrong is I keep talking about the same topic even after she says sorry. I don't forgive easily. I don't get back to good mood easily. Even I feel so. But I want to improve. So that I can be happier and also keep my gf happier. Please advice.
2. A thought that is still lingering in my mind is : how can decent girls in general enjoy this kind of perverted songs. I could understand if she was an out-and-out ultra modern girl who would drink, go to night clubs etc. But she is such kind of girl that if I were to even whisper some double meaning non veg joke to her, she would react saying I will hang up! So is that kind of reaction just fake? Is it that she actually enjoys all this but trying to be decent in my eyes? If so is the case, is it something I should worry about in future? These thoughts drive me crazy and I end up saying many things to her, hurting her ultimately.
Thank you for your time and effort in answering me.
And before you advice me further, I recommend that if you haven't listened to that song already, do listen to it and then you will realized why I am making such a big cry about this issue. Its not just double meaning song, its explicitly VULGAR.
Just type honey singh Ch**t vol 1 in youtube and listen to it.
i am really shocked...do u seriouslly love this girl,whats wrong with you.no guy has any right to decide whether a girl is decent or not. ary baba let her live her life.she is not your puppet. honey singh's song is not a big deal. nowadays girls watch many type of thing....she was only just listening. and you are seriouslly no one to tell her what to listen and what not.
as a partner you should accept her the way she is,don,t be so controlling, she is an individual,she has every right to listen any type of song or at least she is telling you and you should respect her for this thing rather then judging her for every single thing that she does.
she is a decent girl because she loves you,she cares about you....what she listen and what she watch...that,s none of your business...seriouslly give her some space,don't be so judgemental,kya hoga in indian ladko ka bhagwan...grow up
hey i just heard that song and i never heard it before it was so vulgar...so disgusting. but still it was her choice you are no one to judge her seriouslly
Alright, biggest thing you need to understand that if she enjoyed it somewhere then just because it was something new for it and may it was something which is associated with FREEDOM.. freedom of thoughts, infact she is not like those pervert who talks good all the time but are actually the worst when it really comes to test their ability and self control.
What you heard, something similar is pretty top on chart in Western world with singers like Rehana and Akon, you should really not worry all this. Don't make her feel guilty anymore. Simply discuss with her and leave her. This is nothing to worry about, just be yourself and neither ask her to change herself.
And you ask me about how to manage yourself , your anger.. well then Just remember one thing :
Its very hard to find such caring love and above that, if you loose her, you will always look for her in everyone. ..
Value what you have..
Definitely you are kind of person with principles but sometimes you adopt LET IT GO approach.
And also glad that my words helped you.
Hi tridip,
I don't feel like commenting on this post but there is something I would like to draw your attention to.
Tell me, how would you qualify a girl as decent and indecent ?
Just because a girl visits to pubs, dics, drinks, smoke or abuse doesn't qualify her as indecent.
How will you justify this, you can crack a non veg joke to your girl-friend or your other friends ( which you think is good -to -go) but she can't ?? Why ??
See, this is a very known fact, being a boy you cannot deny of staring at girls, talking about them, stalking at a girl in public, talking about all " non veg stuffs", abusing among your friends, drinking, smoking , partying, sometimes visiting to discos etc. When you can do all this, call yourself a genuine, decent guy, who feels he deserves this decent girl, then why can't she?
Why are you so much aggressive to your girlfriend if she has just listened to a Honey Singh song, when you yourself had at some point of time watched adult films, stalked at girls, abused friends and was involved in almost everything which you call as " indecent " ???
I feel whatever she did is just absolutely fine. She has her own way of living, her choices to make, her own likes and dis-likes and if she loves you ignoring the fact that you, yourself are " indecent ", then I guess you shouldn't make this an issue and love her the way she would want you to.
And for that matter if you are pointing her as indecent and doubting on her character, I would like you to point on yourself first because if I come on counting who is a better character and who's not, you will surely score in negative.
If you feel, she is indecent and not of your types, then make sure to end this relationship right here, right now because ideally, you don't deserve her.
Please pardon me if I was rude !!! I am just telling you the reality. Don't forget what you really are before you express your rights to point on someone...!!!
i m fully agree with you pulkit...though i heard that song, i didn't like it. but seriously no one has any right to judge a girl like this.why should boys have all the fun. if she can,t even listen a song without you judging her then i will must say she is not in a relationship she is in a cage.In a relationship two people are equal,if she is not judging you then who the hell are you to judge her.i have been to the same experience in my past. trust me it really suffocates when someone try to control your thoughts also.i broke up with him...now i feel like a bird. dude just wake up...kai usse kho na do tum.
sorry if i sound rude...but you seriously sound like my ex..who made my life hell by putting so many restrictions on me.
Kim And Pulkit,
Dear guys, thank you for your comments. And may be I deserve to be dumped after over reacting, which I seriously don't want to happen. I LOVE HER too no matter what you say. Just to justify myself, let me make it clear that I didn't mind her listening to that song so much as her portraying a decent image, something that she is not. Aarish might be able to understand me here, see I have talked to her for so much time now, and I know the way she has conducted herself, any boy would believe that she is the innocent typical gaon ki gori types. My question is, why to portray such an image? I never asked her to do that. I will give you a quick example. Few months back I cracked a double meaning joke to her. She chuckled a bit. I asked her : why don't you too crack such jokes? I'd love it. To which she said, I am not at all interested in keeping that kind of stuff in my computer/mobile. I have a colleague who forcefully narrates such things to me which I don't even keep in mind."
This is just one example of how she describes herself. And I genuinely believed her then. And that belief built an image. At that point if she had openly told me about her likes and dislikes, this "shock" would have never come. Its not that I am calling her indecent because she liked and stored that one "song".
Kim I genuinely want to know if you find some point in my explanation above. Or am I still sounding completely baseless here?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tridip
Hi tridip,
I don't know why is she portraying such an image of hers? Its genuine somewhere that no "decent" girl will ever open up on these "indecent" stuffs completely, but, you must be intelligent in yourself to understand no girl in today's world in unaware of these.
The point I am trying to explain here is, her listening to Honey Singh song is taken here as an indecent activity of hers, which should have been addressed normally knowing the fact that, like every other girl of her age, she is not unaware of abuses and obnoxious words and that like others, its not wrong if she finds that song interesting. What is needed here is that you open up yourself to such incidents and accept them maturely.
Things like this might occur in future too but that shouldn't qualify as " indecent activity " or shouldn't give you a chance to doubt on her character. Instead, you should accept them gracefully and be happy that she is opening up to you and not talking about all this to any random person.
Next time, please be more adaptive and refrain from disclosing all this over net. These things are your personnel belongings and is private between both of you. Don't disclose your chats, talks, secrets over net. They are your assets which help build your trust on your partner.
Dear Pulkit,
I don't know why is she portraying such an image of hers?
Yes, now you got to the root of my problem. Or probably, now I am able to frame my problem exactly. I am a very open guy but the "difference" between what is and what is being projected creates a problem.
What is needed here is that you open up yourself to such incidents and accept them maturely.
And this is a one line solution, the best solution I think. It'd help me if she on her part too understands that in a relation, one must, after initial courtship shed the cloak of decency. I agree, no body, myself included, would ever open my darker side immediately into the relationship. Fine, I will take it as she is the kind of person who would take more time. And anyway, she is a very silent person (that way I am blessed I guess :D)
shouldn't give you a chance to doubt on her character
No dear, I never ever doubted her character. She has a very strong character and I am proud of it. To reiterate, the "difference" got me crazy.
Instead, you should accept them gracefully
Yes, I will make a genuine effort from now on wards that I don't over react when such incidents happen. They will happen for sure.
Next time, please be more adaptive and refrain from disclosing all this over net.
I agree. I had actually gone crazy with this small incident and thats why I had had to post it. I will wait for some more views from Aarish and Kim and then close it. If its possible, I will delete this thread.
Thank you.
dear tridip
look sometime what happens when you are in a relationship, in the initial days of you relation you try to portray yourself according to your partners expectations.May be in your initial phase somewhere you behaved in such a manner in front of her which gave her a idea that you will love her or respect her more if she will behave in such or such manner, so she started doing those things (acting innocent).
It can also happen that she may have tried to show her real self , but you didn't reacted very positively about that( d way you are behaving right now shows that) so she just back off and again she started behaving in the same sati-savitri way;
look this is not a big deal trust me,most of the girls in our culture behave like this, because people here expect so much from us like decent girls don't abuse,decent girls don't wear certain types of cloths, decent girls don't party,don't drink.but that is not true in reality. it is an imposed character rather than true human nature. so because of these things a girl gets confused between her own expectations and others expectations. so these types of confusing behavior occur and they start behaving like an ideal image which they are actually not.
you are her partner you should understand her rather than judging her you should initiate a open talk with her tell her clearly that its been a long time since we first met now please behave with me the way you are, say whatever you feel like, share your like and dislike with me.don't just say mean everything.
when she start doing these things please please don,t get panicked over every little thing that you haven't heard before,if you will do that she will again fall in that sati -savitri trap.
all the best :)
Dear Kim,
Thank you for such a warm reply. You know, just before coming to this post, I was talking to her. And I told almost those things which you have asked me to tell her: I told her, that one song didn't make you indecent, but it wouldn't have given me such a shock if you had told me about your likes frankly earlier, specially when i myself asked you. And I mean it really. I want her to share her likes/dislikes. To which, again she said, mei tumhari kasam kha ke kehti hu muje ye sab chize pasand nahi. Wo song maine aise hi rakha tha apne paas.
So this is the case you know.
Since you have given me frank opinion, and you being a girl, I take your words to try to understand her. Probably you are right. She is confused. And I am not the only responsible person. Her family which is ultra conservative is responsible too. Believe me, she is into her late 20's, but still, her family allowed her to go to cinema hall only lately. The first film she watched in a movie hall was as late as 2008. So you see, that 'cage' feeling is very natural to her. I firmly believe that a girl's short dress has no connection to her character. But if there is a girl who wears salvar when she is with me but wears mini skirt when i am not watching, that is where i have a problem. And this bloody ''song'' incident is that type of incident.
Fine, my take away is that I will be more patient and wait till she starts opening up.
Long discussion here already, did I missed something ?
Since we just get to know KIM is a girl and input here form a girl matters a lot. I would like to add few things, may that help you tridip.
It is long said that true love should share everything with you but it is not the right way, here you are expecting her to share her likes and dislikes rather everything with you , that is fine but if you want to have real good and strong relation then there are few things those are good if kept secret. Remember, not everything is meant to be shared, so if someday you came to know something about her for first time then do not panic (already kim suggested you same) just because you never knew it before. Do not force her to share everything , just let her share what she wants to share. Above all, as I said already , if you really love someone then Care and Value her (even ignore few bad things about her).
I can understand your problem tridip but the matter here is not the way she is behaving, as Kim said,its just an early stage of your relationship dude, take it easy and calm yourself down, try to understand what she demands from you, relationship is not about what just you think about the other half of yours, it is equally important for you to understand and respect what your other half does, first take time to understand her and then try to force your decisions on her, don't make a pre-judgement just because she acts to you different and she listens to the kind of songs that are different its normal for every person and said that she comes from a conservative family, she might not be allowed to listen to those songs that you saw in her mobile phone, and she might have heard it and liked it and its all her choice for what songs to listen and what not to, it doesn't make a girl or a guy indecent just because she listens to some vulgar songs, C'mon mate you have to open yourself up to the reality.Quote:
look sometime what happens when you are in a relationship, in the initial days of you relation you try to portray yourself according to your partners expectations.May be in your initial phase somewhere you behaved in such a manner in front of her which gave her a idea that you will love her or respect her more if she will behave in such or such manner, so she started doing those things (acting innocent).
And let me tell you openly the secret of long relationships, it is just freedom dude, give her open space to live her life and don't force your decisions on her, give her the freedom to live her life the way she thinks and see your relationship will make wonders and grow stronger and stronger, and it you still have some problems with any of the girl's behavior, don't over react on it, just be calm and polite and talk openly to her, tell her to be at her normal and no need to pretend the one who she is not, make her believe that you will love to have her the way she is and not the way you want or she pretends to be, but you have to do it in a polite and convincing way so that she may not get hurt.
Hi swapnilramani.
This thread is already closed. Would appreciate if you can answer to newer threads and not bring back topics which are an year or more old.