Hindu Brahmin Girl love with Muslim Sunny Guy and Polygamy

hi all,
m a 25 yrs old hindu brahmin girl, n have been in a relationship since 4 yrs now, wid a sunni muslim guy (27 yrs). he lives in mumbai n he is a businessman.
i love him so much n wanna marry him bt he s finding it difficult cz he belongs to a conservative joint family. however he says that he can go for ploygamy only if i permit ie he wanna marry two girls at a time, one of his family choice & another 1 of his choice (i.e, me)
it is not at all ok to me as i cant share him wid anybody
he says dat he loves me so much n cant live widout me. m confused.:(
i dont knw wat to do. ma parents know him well n they dont have any problem in accepting him

plz guide me
m torned!!!!!!!!!

Accepting polygamy is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Offering polygamy to a lady is a disgrace but since you you are in love you will not understand. Man woman relationship is most simple complication, if you are embroiled in a relationship better you come out of that. Your parents will also feel relaxed and happy.

Hi Preeti

Yes he is very confused guy.....i don't understand at a time how can he marry 2 girls..first of all as per Indian Law it is not correct marrying 2 women........he should select either u or the one whom his parents select for him...I totally agree with u no women want to share her man with anyone......and more over how will he take care of u as well....coz u'll be a illegal wife for him..........please tell me did he ever try to convince his parents about u? don't be disheartened dear if he really loves you he should stand with u for marriage.....or else u should forgot him :-( i know its very difficult for a lady to forget her love and marry other man...coz even i m sailing in the same boat.....

Hello Preeti, welcome eTI community..

I have one question for you, you said he is OK with Polygamy ? What that means , his family will not accept you but if he goes polygamy then they will ? I find it objectionable or I feel something fishy here, is it that he is already married, hiding from you, and now trying to adjust his already wife with you in name of Polygamy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yahoo

Hello Preeti, welcome eTI community..

I have one question for you, you said he is OK with Polygamy ? What that means , his family will not accept you but if he goes polygamy then they will ? I find it objectionable or I feel something fishy here, is it that he is already married, hiding from you, and now trying to adjust his already wife with you in name of Polygamy.

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hi , thanx for your concern. he is not married for sure. i had a word wid his sister n even wid his bhabhi. we talk on for the entire night on webcam . had he been married , it wud not have possible for him to do the same.
he says his family will accept me only along wid a muslim girl. he says shariyat (islamic law) does not forbid polygamy.
he says dat he loves me but cant afford to loose his family. his entire family knows about our relationship but they are asking us to be friends only. m really shattered

well anuj, u have rightly written dat offering polygamy is a disgrace, n i personally believe this. however i cant afford to let him go. i love him wid all my heart. all i can do is praying truly to god to help me sail thru this.

at the outset i wud say dat its quite sad to knw dat u r into same dilemma. he nva tried to convince his parents as he is afraid of them. he feels dat his parents & entire family wud outcast him if he marries me. he says dat he wud manage well wid two wives & dat n wont lemme go outa his life.he justifies dat he will marry me first (secretively) n after our marriage wen his family will be forcing him for the mrg, he, wid ma permission will marry the second gal of his parents choice....
its all mess
plz guide me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by preeti@009

at the outset i wud say dat its quite sad to knw dat u r into same dilemma. he nva tried to convince his parents as he is afraid of them. he feels dat his parents & entire family wud outcast him if he marries me. he says dat he wud manage well wid two wives & dat n wont lemme go outa his life.he justifies dat he will marry me first (secretively) n after our marriage wen his family will be forcing him for the mrg, he, wid ma permission will marry the second gal of his parents choice....
its all mess
plz guide me

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What .. it is surely a mess, I am not convinced. He is upto something which is not clear. And what do you think, the other girl will be happy. Now I feel that he is having some affair with a girl in his community too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Preeti, as per i know it is not so easy to marry 2 women's, vll u agree for a other women in his life? for saying its very easy......think practically.......its life long relationship........seek elders permission in this........before taking any decision.....I can suggest...its not correct..........let him go on his way and marry the women of his parents choice....think from ur parents side also......how vll they feel when they vll come to know about this.....never they vll accept their daughter to take this kind of step.....its kind of sacrificing ur life...

According to Islam, polygamy is not allowed unless the first wife permits it. Like, if he is married to some other girl and she says no to your marriage with him, he can't marry you. So if his family tells you that you can marry him this way, tell them to go read up on their religion before preaching rubbish.

But the matter here isn't if polygamy is allowed or not. Let me ask you, do YOU think it's fair to you, as a woman, if he marries someone else and still want you in his life? He is being a hypocrite if he tells you he can't live without you. His actions clearly shows otherwise. If he can't marry you, tell him to remain unmarried all his life so that he doesn't hurt you or his family.

Or what you can do is, convert to Islam. Try to know about his religion and see if you can accept it?

Love comes with a lot of sacrifices. You can't have everything. In fact, nothing in life comes easy. You gotta go through pain to finally attain happiness.

Or you guys can call it quits. Sometimes, letting go is the only option we have cause no matter how hard we try, certain things just don't work out. But before taking this step, I'd advice you to really try every other alternatives. Make sure you can tell yourself at any point of time in life that you tried your level break to keep the relationship. As long as you're clear to yourself, trust me.. nothing else matters in the long run. It'll be really painful and you might never get over it but time heals every wound. You'll get used to the pain and move in in life.

All the best! :)

Nazneen, that is really very good explanation, I hope preeti gets some idea. And yes, you shared good information about Polygamy and Islam. Clearly this guy is mess and he is hiding something.

Thank you!
I read through some of your posts. Awesome stuff! :)

Hello preeti@009,

Well there are various angles to your problem. First and the foremost thing I want to say is, there is a difference in presuming thing and actually doing them. There is a finite possibility that, his parents might approve to your match rather than forbidding it. So kindly ask your boyfriend to approach them and try to convince them at least once.

Secondly, if he already knew that his family will not accept this relationship, he should have shown some courtesy towards you and should have said NO to this relationship at the initial stages. Now what is the point in getting into the relationship and later find yourself amidst all these problems. It wouldn't have been so hurting to say no to this relationship then, than leaving you now and ending things up for a better tomorrow.

But anyways, since you both have been in this relationship for quiet long and it will be difficult for both of you to end things up like this, there is no harm to give it a try to convince both the families.

You need to ask him to drop this idea for polygamy as, firstly, his family won't support him on this anyway and secondly, he has no right to ruin anybody's life. The girl he will get married to deserves his love completely and if he is not ready to give his 100% to his marriage, I personally feel, he should not marry. Moreover, it will add to both of your miseries. So its better to drop this idea.


Instead, he can put his efforts in trying to convince his parents and family for allowing him to marry you and make you a part of his family. Side-by-side, I would like you to initiate a talk at your home with your parents so that if they are convinced and ready to marry you to him, things get bit easy on one side at least.

Polygamy is not the solution to this. He needs to really hit the iron hard when its hot. Ask him to convey about this relationship to the one first, whom he considers close to himself (may be brother or sister) so that when he is actually facing his parents, he has someone to support him. Ask him to slowly start giving some hints to his family that he is in love. Moreover, if he can, he should also organize a meeting between you and someone whom he considers close to himself in his family.

See, basically, all that parents always want is that their children should be happy and trust me it doesn't matter to whom they marry until and unless that person promise to keep them happy. So, ask him to respect his love and make his family and others realize that yes, you are the one best suited for him and that he is in unconditional love with you. If he is talking about polygamy at this stage, he is actually making others believe that his love for you is superficial. And if he is giving this idea to others, he is actually doing injustice to you. So, stop this right away.




I hope things will be fine. Give it a try and let us know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OGtjqDNN3g

Hello preeti
I definitely say that u r in deeply love..
But does he? I guess he is very confused or trying make u emotional fool..
Don't get emotional...
I m a boy nd I have a gf. I love her and no 1 take her place in my heart.. That's love...
If yr lover is CONFUSED, he is not actually confused..
He just want u nd other girl and he is going njoyyyy both of u..
So say him clearly that accept me as with my religion nd morals nd ethics... Or.... U kw..
Take the help from yr parents...
Good luck nd come out of emotion nd see the reality..

[QUOTE=preeti@009;41828]hi all,
m a 25 yrs old hindu brahmin girl, n have been in a relationship since 4 yrs now, wid a sunni muslim guy (27 yrs). he lives in mumbai n he is a businessman.
i love him so much n wanna marry him bt he s finding it difficult cz he belongs to a conservative joint family. however he says that he can go for ploygamy only if i permit ie he wanna marry two girls at a time, one of his family choice & another 1 of his choice (i.e, me)
it is not at all ok to me as i cant share him wid anybody
he says dat he loves me so much n cant live widout me. m confused.:(
i dont knw wat to do. ma parents know him well n they dont have any problem in accepting him

plz guide me
m torned!!!!!!!!

Hello preeti
I definitely say that u r in deeply love..But does he? I guess he is very confused or trying make u emotional fool..Don't get emotional...I m a boy nd I have a gf. I love her and no 1 take her place in my heart.. That's love...
If he loves u he'll marry wid u only and if he doesn't give commitment then he is not loving u.....
And wat abt yr children? Are they obeying his religion or yours? It is to be cleared first before getting married..
LOVE HAPPENS INDIVIDUALLY BUT MARRIAGE HAPPENS BETWEEN FAMILY..
And If yr lover is CONFUSED, he is not actually confused..He just want u nd other girl and he is going njoyyyy both of u..So say him clearly that accept me as with my religion nd morals nd ethics... Or. Marry with yr family's Choice ..
Take the help from yr parents...Good luck nd come out of emotion nd see the reality..

And rocky, whats with your second post, its just [b]quote[/quote] from first post.. ?