Taking Things Personally?
Obviously all of us at some point are plagued with doubt about who we are especially when someone makes a jab at us deliberate or otherwise. In most cases, we are able to shake it off after a short while and move on with our lives, essentially we say, that is the person’s problem and not ours and they should adjust their mentality. However, there are people who are taking things personally, where they fail to dismiss this apparent disapproval and dwell on it much longer than deemed normal. Their reaction is either to attack the other person aggressively or to withdraw into themselves and go into a depression.
If you are one of these people who are taking things personally, you may have realized that life is difficult when you are confrontational all the time. I say all the time because whether directly or unintentionally, other people keep voicing their opinions about us majority of the time and short of avoiding human contact there is nothing we can do about it.
Here are some ways that should help you move forward with your life and not be stuck as a slave to another’s opinion of you:
• Try and see things from their point of view. For example, if someone directly attacks your personality, it is highly likely that you did something that they considered offensive and are acting back. In this case, it is more of a reaction and you need to know that their intention is only to inform you of that which they deem wrong. Alternatively, some people are simply making an objective observation and it has nothing to do with you as a person. For example, intending buyers may see the house you are trying to sell as dilapidated and not well taken care of, as outsiders their opinion is objective as they may not even be aware that you are the previous owner.
• As a way of achieving the first step (above) it is important that you speak to the said person especially in the case of the first example (in step above). A proper discussion will bring to the forefront whatever is bothering them and you can be able to rectify the problem. Do this as fast as possible to avoid brewing resentment as a result of long term grudges.
• If this person is close to you, it might help if you are aware of what situation is happening in their lives so that you do not confuse their brush offs as them hating you. Sometimes due to stress, the people we love have a temporary change in character, it does not mean that they now hate us, but rather they are just tired and cranky, something that can change over time as the situation bothering them passes.
• If you do not know the person, it helps to observe them and see how they behave around other people. It may seem strange to you being sensitive and all loving that some people are simply crass, arrogant and insensitive, but it is true. If someone has the general habit of criticizing everyone and everything around them, then it has nothing to do with you but rather their own personal flaw, that has developed over many years and as a stranger you have no hope of changing.
• Refocus your attention and develop your mind to make it stronger. Positives should always be able to outweigh the negatives and you do not need the approval of another person to validate you. You are your own person and your character should be molded by what you believe to be true as well as your behavior. Constantly waiting for compliments to validate your person is wrong and eventually when someone makes a negative remark you will feel let down, rejected and undermined, none of which are actually true.
Of course saying to someone to stop taking things personally is easier said than done, but it must be done. Life is too short for you to constantly worry about what others think of you. There are too many damaged people out there that someone will always have something bad to say about you. From those who need to trash others to feel good about themselves, to those who feel no one is as intelligent or as worthy as them, if you let them determine how you feel about yourself them you are doomed into a life of misery. You have to be able to distinguish between criticism that can make you better and ignore that that is just a joke of plain mean meant to bring you down.
