Feeling slave of my boyfriend - he doesn't let me talk to others

i love my man very much.. even he loves me....
the problem is dat he doesn't like it when i talk to my friends...
before our relationship started.. some of my friends had said some wrong words to him... then later he told me that he doesn't want me to talk to them..... i said fine.... then almost one year i didn't talk to any of my friends.. even others.
so i dont talk to those friends... now
now..
few days ago... one of my childhood male friend called up.... now my man says that he doesn't want me to talk to any male friend... as the argument continued he said that he doesn't want me to talk to any friend, male or female..
what do i do??? he says he wil never allow me talking to friends after marriage so why now??
he even says that he wont allow me wearing western clothes, even jeans...
he made me close my facebook account,... again he doesn't like it.. i'v done everything for him....
i love him very much... but now i'v started feeling as if i'm living like a slave....

is it true that a every guy wants his girl or wife to do whatever he says..
wht shd i do... plz help??

it is not an issue of guy or girl
it is an issue of representing human nature
mostly in love, when the lover of his/her is maintaining a little close relation with opposite gender even it is a good relation, the other person definitely hurts bcoz of insecure feelings
my suggestion is please maintain a transparent relationship with other friends before your guy so there is no matter to misunderstand you...

Hi priyanka,
It's a common problem in most of the over-possessive guys. But, being in a relationship which is based on fear, jealousy and control didn't last long, getting into a relationship means you trust you partner blindly. Possessiveness stems from feelings of insecurity in a relationship, where the possessive person doubts the love and dedication of another person and as a result he/she becomes jealous and controlling which i think has now stucked into your boyfriend mind. This type of dynamic typically occurs in romantic relationships specially. Unfortunately, the more possessive someone is in a relationship, the more their partner will struggle to be free, hence making the possessive person feel even more insecure and desperate to gain control.

Since, you mentioned you didn't talk to old friends ever just to make him feel happy, is that ,"ok" as per your sense. Relationships are between two loving couple who always think to make other feel happy and in your case it seems on a single hand side.

Overbearing and possessive people are normally strong-willed people and expect others to conform to their values and wishes. They are typically self-pitying, easily offended and find it hard to give without expecting anything in return. Possessive people are often very talkative, opinionated and argumentative.

It's your life you should know what is wrong and what is right for you. Stop being a hypocrite, if he loves you really then he must understand it. Getting facebook account closed, not wearing western clothes,"I don't have words if you are doing that also".

Sorry for being rude.

Hi Priyanka,
This is a normal case of an over-possessive boyfriend, he is feeling insecured about your realtionship and he has a lack of trust on you and this is the main reason for all these barriers he is putting on you, this kind of relationships do not have a long life they end up screwing everything, better you try to convince your boyfriend and win his trust or else I am in doubt whether you should continue with this guy as he may screw your life and make it even worse than a slave.
I seriously suggest you to convince him or win his trust if you can or else get away from him asap to save yourself from slavery as this over possessive person can cross any limit to ruin your life if he finds even a small flaw in disobeying any of his command he has given you, your future will be endangered my dear if you continue your relationship with him.
I strongly advice you to cut off this relationship and get over it. He is insane and can go to any limit if he finds you talking to anybody except him.
I can just advice you, rest is in your hands, and I think you are matured enough to know what is right and better for you and what is wrong. please do think on it.
Love is a two way reciprocating feeling, I am sure he may not be compromising on any of his activity he is doing. Just say him once to cut off all the friendships for you as you did for him and see what answer you will get an argument again for not imposing restrictions on him, because he will say he is free to do anything or give any shit reasons to not to get any of his freedom touched by you.
Love is pure and unconditional my dear, if there are compromises in a relationship, then its not love, because love doesnot mean compromising, it means accepting a person and loving him/her for what he/she is and not what you want to make him/her.

it was very hard for me...we had a long argument... i almost ended it all.. i told him that its impossible for me to live like this... nd he shd stop calling me... he didn't call me 1-2 days... now he called me up... nd says that its impossible for him to live without me.. but...he said that he ws not wrong.. but that he'l agree whatever i'l say...
i dnt want him to live like this.. i dnt want him to agree whatever i say..he shd stop me when i'm wrong.. i dnt want anyone to dominate the relationship... but to live it together.. to understand each other...

how do i make him understand this??? and shd i go against him if he tells me not to do something.. ?? he wont like it and it would affect our relationship also..

we had a long argument.. didn't talk for 1-2 days... then he called me up and said its impossible for him to live without me..... he said that he was not wrong.. but says that he will agree whatever i'l say...
now i dnt want him to do whatever i say.. he'l not be comfortable with it...he shd stop me when i'm wrong... i dnt want anyone to rule this relationship... i want to live it together...
how do i make him understand this??
and shd i go against him if he tells me not to do something... ?? he wont feel nice .. it can affect our relationship...

No priyanka I think he is just making some tries to win you back by all those cheesy sentences he is telling, it is quite a good time now, that you were in a relationship with that person or guy and I think you have better tried all the ways to make him understand or win his trust but ultimately you failed, and just because you are not ready to continue with him he is making an effort again to win you back.
He will pretend to be understanding your point and pretend to behave as you would like for a week or so than again things will be back to normal as they are now, I would suggest you to still give a try, see his behavior for the week or say 2 weeks and if you find that the person is really changing his heart and mind towards you, you may continue, but let me tell you, you have to be stubborn and stern on your decision of not being with him, this will just be his test and you would not show much interest in whatever he does or tries to convince you at first do not let your heart melt down as he will make all possible efforts to do it but you have to make your heart strong and your decision intact stay with your decision and try to find every possible flaw whenever he goes wrong and tell him that you would leave if he does that again, I mean in short pressurize him as he was doing with you for everything he does, and notice whether he is able to live with the same, and if he comes on an argument with the same, then make him sit and calmly make him understand his mistake, because unless he will face it, he will never know what you are going through.
God has given you a chance to make him understand his fault so do not let it go.
I hope best for your future and relationship.

Hi priyanka,


Its not unknown to you that true love involves loyalty and trust with a tinge of possessiveness. No genuine lover will ever want her girl to hang out with her male friends, go out and have fun or attend late night parties. Every relationship demands a certain level of possessiveness but when this cross limits, it becomes more of a suffocation than enjoyment.

You need to sit and talk to your man and affirm in him that you really respect his love and feelings for you and you really love him being possessive for you, but being in a relationshiop doesn't mean that the individual should break all his other social relationships and friends. Being in a relaionship means a lifetime committment of being together with each other and enjoying one's freedom as well. You need to tell your boyfriend that his possessive nature is good and acceptable to certain limits but he shouldn't cross limits in an attempt to express his love for you so much so that this relationship becomes a cause of suffocation for you and your are compelled to end it.

Also, you can introduce your boyfriend with your male friends so that he gets and idea of how your male friends are. If possible arrange a get together or a hang out together with your friends and your partner so that he gets a clear cut idea of your understanding with your male friends.

Try explaining him the points and I am sure he will understand your point. This is not the time when you should call off your relationship. All you need to do is have a clear cut communication with your significant other and explain him the facts. If he genuinely loves you, he will understand.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hi priyanka,


Its not unknown to you that true love involves loyalty and trust with a tinge of possessiveness. No genuine lover will ever want her girl to hang out with her male friends, go out and have fun or attend late night parties. Every relationship demands a certain level of possessiveness but when this cross limits, it becomes more of a suffocation than enjoyment.

You need to sit and talk to your man and affirm in him that you really respect his love and feelings for you and you really love him being possessive for you, but being in a relationshiop doesn't mean that the individual should break all his other social relationships and friends. Being in a relaionship means a lifetime committment of being together with each other and enjoying one's freedom as well. You need to tell your boyfriend that his possessive nature is good and acceptable to certain limits but he shouldn't cross limits in an attempt to express his love for you so much so that this relationship becomes a cause of suffocation for you and your are compelled to end it.

Also, you can introduce your boyfriend with your male friends so that he gets and idea of how your male friends are. If possible arrange a get together or a hang out together with your friends and your partner so that he gets a clear cut idea of your understanding with your male friends.

Try explaining him the points and I am sure he will understand your point. This is not the time when you should call off your relationship. All you need to do is have a clear cut communication with your significant other and explain him the facts. If he genuinely loves you, he will understand.

---

I think you can try this out if it works Priyanka, Pulkit is right it is the flip side of the coin, try this out, I hope this works out for you and you have a better relationship with both of you having equal importance to each others words. Keep cutting off relationship as a Lender of Last resort, in the sense keep this option to the last if nothing works than try that.

Thanks pulkit for making me understand that its not always the bad side to look for but sometimes it is good to look at the positive side too, I was getting a bit negative on this matter, but thanks for turning steering wheel of my train to right side dude, keep it up..:D

everything is fine now as old good days .. it took time and we both understood.. he's fine with everything now nd i know he did all this cuz he cares.. being possesive is good(within limits) :) .. now we're focussing on our marriage issues.... convincing my parents will be difficult... but there's still time in it....
thanku so much all....
i think i'l be back to you with marriage issues too... thanx again

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by pryanka

everything is fine now as old good days .. it took time and we both understood.. he's fine with everything now nd i know he did all this cuz he cares.. being possesive is good(within limits) :) .. now we're focussing on our marriage issues.... convincing my parents will be difficult... but there's still time in it....
thanku so much all....
i think i'l be back to you with marriage issues too... thanx again

---

Hi pryanka,

Please feel free to contact us on any issue related to life, relationships etc. This forum is meant for people who are in pain and have nobody to share their thoughts to or speak their hearts out.
Would also love to hear anything from you too. Broadcast your ideas, take and give advises, help others, make this worls a better place to live and stay happy. !!!