Need advise desperately- I am not love with my girl friend anymore

This might be a little lengthy but I had to share it with someone.

I have been in a relationship for 8 years now. Engaged few months back to my girlfriend and will be getting married early next year.

My relation with my now fiancée has been a very mature and not like those love at first sight ones. I had been into a bad relation earlier so she initiated our relationship with an agreement i.e. by first knowing each other first and if we were comfortable and compatible with each other to continue it as a committed relationship. She has always been in my difficult times and helped me in every aspects of my life. She has always thought of me first in every decision in her life. In short, she has been the most faithful and dedicated in this relation.

Last year we made our plans to declare our commitment to our parents and to express our decision about marriage. In the same time I was sent to a different state by my company for official purpose. For 7 years, I had never betrayed her, not even thought about anyone else. And I was proud of it and was respected by everyone because of it.

I was there was 3 months. The first 2 months had been hectic due to work pressure. 12 - 15 hours a day and at times 6 days a week ended up me calling her only on Sundays. She was still ok with the fact that I could call her only on Sundays. But during my 3rd month stay, I happened to get attracted to a colleague.

It started with small chats. It surprised both of us that we were so compatible with each other. Our likes and dislikes were so similar. We could talk for hours in and out of office. It was exactly what I always wanted in a relationship which never existed in mine. She had the same feeling about me. If felt like we were made for each other and were meant to be together. Also she had been in a bad relationship but could not end it fearing her boyfriend would do. I even visited her family and to my surprising even they liked me. Her mum and her sister both expressed their feelings that they would want a guy like me as a partner for her. Also their dislike and the issues she was facing with her boyfriend. We both expressed our feelings to each other and we made promises to marry and me settling there forever.
By the end of the month, I had to move back to my hometown but we kept in touch regularly. When I came back, I had a guilty feeling when I met my girlfriend. I couldn’t hug her, couldn’t hold her hand. Felt like she was a stranger. I had made my plans to leave my girlfriend and possibly my family and go back.

But again my girlfriend suspected that there was something wrong with my behavior and was spending a lot of time talking to someone. I always said I was talking to my boss but one day she logged in to my email account and found that I had recently sent roses to her and left a romantic note. She quickly saw my mobile statement in my email and got her number.

That is when she confronted me. I still denied even though she had all the proofs with her. She then called that the other girl who in fear confessed everything that happened between us. The other girl promised never to contact me. Till date I never knew what happened in their conversation which made her behave that way. In weeks my girlfriend forgave me and now we are engaged. And would be getting married in few months.

My problem is that from the time I left that place, not a single day has passed that I have not thought about that girl. Every memory every dream I had about her still haunts me. I still wish if I had just one moment with her, just to tell her that I never betrayed her, and I still love her with all my heart.

I am getting married because it’s my responsibility for every this my girlfriend has done for me, every sacrifice. But now there is nothing between us. All those thoughts are haunting me and hurt me more since the marriage date is closing.

I don’t know what I am asking for here. But please help...

You have done a mess here. There is very simple rule, if you love someone then love only him / her. In your case you love the new girl and your fiance is just a compromise for you. And then why to compromise but what about love of your fiance for you ?

In first place, when you were committed that you will marry your fiance then why you initiated relation with new girl, alright attraction can be there but you should have avoided it becoming strong. Technically, if you go close to any girl or I must say opposite sex, you will definitely develop feelings for her because of basic instincts or sexual attraction. So may be this new girl is mere attraction for you because being relation with your fiance from long term, you were looking for a change. See, no two person can be same, so things which your this new girls have can't be there in your fiance, likewise what your fiance possess can't be there in this new girl.

Also, that new girl had bad relationship with her ex, so eventually she was behaving lot balanced and controlled as this time ie with you she wants to keep things good (learning from her past experience with ex) . So may be this could be one of the reason that she was very good to to you (may be not natural).

Just think for a moment, what is this in the new girl which is not there in your fiance .. secondly what is there in you that your fiance wants to marry you without second thought.. and make your decision.

Hello r.benneck,

Sir, whatever Yahoo said is absolutely correct. There is nothing much to add to it. You are trying to sail on two different boats at the same time which is practically not possible. So, just a line to add, try to forget whatever happened in your life there in the foreign country with the new girl as that chapter is now closed. She has closed all contacts with you which is a clear indication that she is not interested in talking to you further on this. Had she been interested in being with you after all this mess, she should have initiated a contact with you and should have atleast confirmed you about your present life. But nothing like that ever happened.

So, its high time you should realize that this chapter in your life is now closed and since you are engaged and getting married to your girlfriend in near future, you should now try stop thinking about that new girl in your life and stay committed to your fiancee now.

There is a simple think attached to love, just as what Yahoo quoted, when you are in love with someone, for God sake, stay committed to him/her. Moreover, your love for the new girl in your life was just a mere attraction of yours towards her and nothing more than that, which eventually fade away as and when time will pass. It happens, when you work with someone of opposite gender, be friends with him/her, share a casual friendship with him/her, you generally tend to like that person. But if you are committed to someone you should try to avoid these feeling from becoming strong.

Also the guilt feeling you have in your heart for your girlfriend is a enough reason for you to believe that your love for your girlfriend hasnt fade away. It was just a temporary attraction for the new girl in your life which somehow deviated you from the main line, but if you are feeling guilty of what happened with you there, then I guess you should believe that you love for your girlfriend is deep rooted and will be forever.

Avoid getting into such situation in future. Its good that your girlfriend forgave you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_Pqw...eature=related