Wife fights alot on giving her salary to her parents. How to deal with it?

I recently got married and moved to bangalore with my wife. She is also working and earns as much as i do. Due to her family's poor condition(as per her) she wants to give her salary to them every month. I had earlier planned to save her salary and use mine for monthly expenditure and she was okay with it. But now with this argument as base, all new or old issue becomes the reason for fights daily and i am going into depression slowly as i dont know how to handle or answer these daily baseless fights for e.g why we had wedding in feb and not in november(her choice), why not go for honeymoon for 10 days (her choice) instead of 7 days and every-time the fight ends with she yelling at me that its me who always get what i want and never cared of her opinion.

In reality all decisions are discussed with her before finalizing and that time she agrees as well but later on, like 5-6 months those same things come up during fight.

In the beginning i was taking them as on-off issues and never thought about the long term affect but now they have become a routine and i cant take it any more.

If somebody reading this have gone through this or know any friend faces this then please respond. Any help would be highly appreciated.

Hi There,

Fights over pretty issues happen between almost every husband and wife in their marriage life but yes, when things go beyond limits and arguments happen almost daily, its time when bell should ring in your mind.

First and foremost thing, giving her salary to her parents is one issue and fighting over pretty things is another. Lets try to handle each one of them individually.

First thing comes first, your problem of her sending all or fraction of her salary to her family. See, you need to talk to her and explain her Bangalore, the city where you guys putting up is really expensive and it will take a huge toll of you if she sends her complete salary to her family. Try to explain her, her parents are your parents too and if ever they will find themselves in trouble, you would come up first to help them out but sending all your salary to them is not a fancy idea.
You can assure her that, you will set a particular amount( a fraction of your salary) which you would be giving to them every month tilll their death, an amount which is pretty good to keep up their life. It won't be costing you much either and things can be fine at your end.
If she doesn't understand this, you can talk to her father and explain him everything that, you are trying your level best to earn good but certainly, it will become difficult for you to save for your future needs if this continues for a very long time and ofcourse, saving is essential.


Coming to your second problem, fighting over pretty issues. Basically there are or could be many reasons for this to happen. Understand, you both belong to corporate world, working day and night, returning tired and exhausted after tackling with traffic jams in Bangalore, married just a few months ago, moved to new place etc etc...you guys need sometime to settle up with the environment in the new city, your work culture/environment, cope up with new responsibilities and plan for your life ahead. So, things will take sometime at your end to settle down. Meanwhile, avoid getting into pretty issues with your wife. realize she is also putting up an equal hard work as you are and all the factors above coupled up will make any normal human being go frustrated and irritated. So, let her do whatever she is willing to for sometime because though howsoever discussed and thought-of decision you have taken, there will always be a point in her heart that you didn't agree with what her choice was and she compromised.
So, for a time being, trust your wife and her decision taking ability and do for the sake of her own choice and wish, anything and everything that she says, howsoever unpractical the decision is. Later you can make her count that you do listen to her because you value her, love her.

I hope things will be fine at your end. Feel free to contact us anytime !!!

i agree wid pulkit's view . . I went through the same condition as that of urs . . My wife wanted me to stop visiting my parents and muv along wid her to mumbai frm pune , where she cn continue her old job and her previous affair. . While she was in pune nd workin , her parents had told me nt to touch her salary . . Bt as u knw metro life comes wid a huge cost which ppl frm rural areas dnt understand . . They just luk at our earnings bt nt the expenses . . She wanted to abort our 1st kid which i opposed . . So she went ahead wid it , her dad helped her . . And nw he had filed a divorce case . . Considering gender biased laws , i got no option as my wife is so stubborn that u cnt imagine . .and after 3 days she wud get wat she wanted , a free life and freedom to take care of her parents . .i wish tht u shudnt end up in d situation like me. I hv posted my story in other thread of mine . . .


My suggestion to u ,
1) ask ur wife to run the house for 3 months wid her salary only and in d meantime u dnt spend a single penny nt on urself or for both wid ur money . Save all d money . U knw wat wives always think tht their husbands r like ATM machines bt once u force them to spend their money on u thn they realise the real value of money nd ur hardwork. . .in this period dnt argue wid her nt for a second bt smartly tell her tht as u r running d house so i m nw helpless nd i m a slave in this house. Give all of ur 3 salaries to ur frnd in d name of fake loan. .

In short u hv to force ur wife to put her legs in ur shoes. If ur wife is lil bit matured thn she wil learn a lesson on her own . .in all these 3 months keep visitin ur in-laws widout ur wife ,bt dnt give them any money or any promise instead of tht try to b a decent persön and keep crying abt ur costly metro life and suggest them tht in case of urgency u wud help them evntho u hv to take a loan . But for the future of our baby we need to save ur daughter's salary . . Just try this , if ur everythin is in proper place thn u can cum out of this . . . Otherwise u might knw tht in metro's divorce rate is almost 30%. . I m tellin u this frm my personal exp. Hope u wud get d piece of r8 advice frm mine nd pulkit's post

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nokia20

i agree wid pulkit's view . . I went through the same condition as that of urs . . My wife wanted me to stop visiting my parents and muv along wid her to mumbai frm pune , where she cn continue her old job and her previous affair. . While she was in pune nd workin , her parents had told me nt to touch her salary . . Bt as u knw metro life comes wid a huge cost which ppl frm rural areas dnt understand . . They just luk at our earnings bt nt the expenses . . She wanted to abort our 1st kid which i opposed . . So she went ahead wid it , her dad helped her . . And nw he had filed a divorce case . . Considering gender biased laws , i got no option as my wife is so stubborn that u cnt imagine . .and after 3 days she wud get wat she wanted , a free life and freedom to take care of her parents . .i wish tht u shudnt end up in d situation like me. I hv posted my story in other thread of mine . . .


My suggestion to u ,
1) ask ur wife to run the house for 3 months wid her salary only and in d meantime u dnt spend a single penny nt on urself or for both wid ur money . Save all d money . U knw wat wives always think tht their husbands r like ATM machines bt once u force them to spend their money on u thn they realise the real value of money nd ur hardwork. . .in this period dnt argue wid her nt for a second bt smartly tell her tht as u r running d house so i m nw helpless nd i m a slave in this house. Give all of ur 3 salaries to ur frnd in d name of fake loan. .

In short u hv to force ur wife to put her legs in ur shoes. If ur wife is lil bit matured thn she wil learn a lesson on her own . .in all these 3 months keep visitin ur in-laws widout ur wife ,bt dnt give them any money or any promise instead of tht try to b a decent persön and keep crying abt ur costly metro life and suggest them tht in case of urgency u wud help them evntho u hv to take a loan . But for the future of our baby we need to save ur daughter's salary . . Just try this , if ur everythin is in proper place thn u can cum out of this . . . Otherwise u might knw tht in metro's divorce rate is almost 30%. . I m tellin u this frm my personal exp. Hope u wud get d piece of r8 advice frm mine nd pulkit's post

---

Ha ha ha... I liked your last sentence "Otherwise u might knw tht in metro's divorce rate is almost 30%.". Jokes apart, I had your problem statement too and how difficult situation is at your end. But yes, I really appreciate the decision you have taken now i.e. marrying to a widow. Hats Off for that !!!
Divorcing in your case was necessary but in a way that the girl should not take the whole of your savings as alimony. But its good you are getting rid of her. She will understand your worth later.



Rescue_fail : What nokia20 suggested MIGHT work if your wife is understanding. I am saying this because the reason provided has come out of frustration and agony he has for his relationship because of thing that really unfortunately didn't work in his favor. This can be done practically to make her realize if she finds it difficult to understand messages conveyed through words. But I would advice you to do it later when you see things going out of hands. Risk it yourself.

Rescue_fail, plz keep us informed abt ur problem and ur own well thot way of gettin rid of it . Who knws u cn win on ur own , bt if u still face problem thn thr r many exped guys who cn suggest u diff scenarios . . . Best of luck . . And plz b a man. .and get rid of ur modern attitude ' to b a gud hubby , u hv to give equal status to ur wife' . . Tht is total bullshit . . Pairo ki jooti agar pairo me hi rahe to hi achchi lagti hai , agar sar par bitha loge to duniya me tum ek majak ban jaoge . .