Problem in Long distance relationship-Worried about Boyfriend's loyalty and past!

Hi,

I have been dating my boyfriend for the last nine months. We met abroad while we were studying in a foreign university and connected as we both came from the same city,background and values from India. However since the last 2 months we have been in a long distance. I came back after finishing my degree to look for work while he already got a job there.
He was always into partying and drinking and was open about it to me since the beginning. Sometimes he would make out with women at these parties, but that was clearly before I had entered into his life, thats what he claimed. He has had a 5 year old live-in relationship before and a fling as well which he told me about openly. I trusted him all along and agreed to his proposal for marriage, our parents have also consented.
However a month back he told he had a chat with his ex (she is also seeing someone). I wanted to see the content of the chat and what troubled me was that they discussed about their past relationship and how both learnt so much out of it and what each of them meant to each other because of that. What was also troubling was one line by him where he said "I learnt to sweet talk women and it really works!". For some reason I thought it referred to me and I do not think the term sweet talk is a positive term to use. I clarified with him and he said that it was only to make light conversation and had to reference to me. I carried on but my trust was a bit shaken.
Next he attended a party where all these guys drank a lot and took pictures, one of which had him standing with a guitar and 4 girls standing very close to him with their hands over him. His two shirts buttons were open. That day one of European girls asked him out but he refused saying he is committed. He told me all this himself and said it was all in fun because all the friends were meeting for the last time. The issue is how should I believe of what happened. He says he wants to marry me and loves me but this bothers me as well. I don't know if I am overreacting due to the long distance?

Well Hi.......a.....long distance relationship is a bit troubling indeed, I agree. Its sometimes hard to trust your partner especially when he/she has flirty nature or a great past.

Well all I can say in your case is, there is nothing else you can do than to trust him. In fact you should trust him. Its good that there is a clear communication between you and your partner. Also, I appreciate the way you have asked him about the clarifications and all regarding whatever has bothered you till now. Keep this thing up as it will remind your partner there, that someone, somewhere is worried about his well being and of course, is keeping a check on his deeds. So in case if he deviates a bit or gets carried away for a while, your constant questioning him will hold him back on the right track and would definitely avoid him getting into some nasty situation there.



You guys are in a committed relationship for quite a few time and your family has also taken it seriously. Also the way he is transparent to you regarding his life there, his ex, the chat he had with her and the pictures he has shown to you of the party he attended......leaves absolutely no doubt in mind than that he is true to you somewhere.

So what I feel is there is no point in not trusting him. Forget his past and the way he used to live before you entered his life. Perhaps he has changed himself, Perhaps he has grown more responsible in himself. Perhaps he really loves you and understand the depth of your relationship and perhaps he is true to you.So I believe you should give him a chance and try to develop a feeling of trust for him in yourself.
But yes at the same time, dont take situations too lightly. If you feel he has done something for which he owes a clarification to you, please dont hesitate to ask him about that.
Keep it in mind, not to overreact. too much questioning also hampers a relationship and violates one's freedom. Ask him about the thing only and only if you feel its really important and try to trust him on whatever he says.

If you need any further help, please feel free to contact me on my id : [email protected]

Hope my answer was satisfactory !!!

Thanks and Happy Diwali !!!