Really confused about love - break up or keep relation ?

i am in a major problem...i am very confuse about my future & present with my boyfriend , we are from different caste & our parents are strictly against inter caste marriage. sometimes i want to break up because we both know that we don,t have future together.sometimes i think who knows about future at least we should be together till our parents separate us.


This is not the only problem, we constantly fight, he has a big male ego, he abuses me sometime but he always say he never wanted to just in anger he said those bad things to me.when it comes to trust, he asks me every detail of my day, initially i used to like all these things his possessiveness, his clinginess but now it suffocates me.


he always say he will change with the time, my unconditional love will change him. i have forgiven him many times but things are not working now he is asking for one last chance i am really confuse so many issues are there in our relation.sometime i feel i only care for him as a friend, my feelings are not same. i am so confuse.should i continue or not, if i will break up he will try to hurt himself.he is acting very emotional nowadays, i still love him a lot, but i can,t betray my parents, they have sacrificed lot for me.

Your future lies in your ‘present’ hands. True love is unconditional and that takes quite an effort. Love itself is an emotion and a feeling, it waxes and wanes, at times people’s feelings can change with the situation , that is why commitment, duty, respect, weighing the positive aspects of a relationship should be considered even in a marriage, for it to sustain. And work is required, understanding and change for the better should happen from both the partners. In your case, since this is just a relationship, if you are willing to give this a chance, then he should do his best to modify his behavioral pattern(easier said than done).

That is why there are tools, techniques and methods which help a person adjust or adapt. He can go for anger management classes, and kriya yoga(art of living center) helps a great deal in releasing the inner negative emotions and the insecurity he has(that is probably one of the reasons why he is so possessive).
And as far as your parents are concerned, you can give it a try first, before giving up.

http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...ds-dr-sky.html


Wish you success,
Dr.Sky,
(Allopathic Doctor, Relationship Advisor, Spiritualist),
May contact for more detailed methods or queries,
[email protected]

Hi ssakshi,

Welcome to the forum !!!

You seem too much confused on your relationship and do you know what is the best way you can handle this confusion ?? Its nothing more than a clear communication between you and your boyfriend. For a moment forget the point where your boyfriend tells you that he will hurt himself if you leave him and now try to analyse the complete situation.

Too much of fights, male ego, confusion, tension, differences, friction, no idea of the future etc etc.... what does all this indicate ?? It indicates only one thing, that, you are perhaps not happy with this relationship. Lets keep the parents convincing part away for sometime and concentrate on the friction between both of you.
I believe in the idea that a lesser the differences are in a relationship, better the relationship is. If you are going through a really difficult phase and feels that there is no future attached to this relationship but still cannot end it, what you got to do is, speak it up to your boyfriend. Sit silently and talk to him over all these issues. Let him know whats going on in your mind and what you feel about him and the way he is taking this relationship further. Make him understand that you are an individual, you have your own choices, your own life too and the way he behaves, his possessiveness, his ego and the fights that you both have every now and then, is actually not allowing you to breathe properly and you are suffocating.

Let him know that you have started feel low in this relationship but since you STILL LOVE him and you want this relationship to continue and hence you want him to change for his and your own good. You need to talk to him and make him understand that there is a limit to accept things and everything within that limit is good and acceptable. But in your case, the time has come when you have reached this limit and now you cannot accept this anymore. Let him know that as an individual it feels really hurting when he abuses you and say all those bad things about which you have mentioned in your problem statement. Tell him that its high time and now he should either change himself for you, for this relationship and for his own good else things will not work out in coming future.


So, talk to him on this and try to make him understand what and how you have started feeling now for him. But make sure you don't forget to emphasize on the point that you still love him and that you want him to change a bit(not completely) for his own good and for this relationship. Make him understand changing for someone is bad but changing for something good and for your own self is good. Let him know you love him and can't afford to live without him and that you thinking too much on this is because you still want him to be your husband.

I am sure he will understand your words.



Coming to the parents convincing part, all I can say is this is the most difficult part to handle in a relationship. To be on the safer side there are few things that you can practice doing it so that things fall right in place. I am attaching the link of an article you can refer to to get initial help on your problem.


Please refer to the following link : http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...your-love.html



I wish you Luck !!!

we are in a long distance relationship, he is 10 hours away from me, he insist me to visit him, but due to my exams i can,t do that, but he is not at all understanding. when i try to discuss these things on phone he cuts the call, never really take intrest in what i am saying. so usually form last 5-6 month i convey my thoughts through mail only, but he never takes them seriously also, he wants me to come there.

my parents are aware about him, they hate him becauase of his abusive or controlling nature, my mother always say one should fight for there love but only when it is worth fighting for .my friends hate him, there is no one from my side who can talk to him, he doesn't listen to me, he always blame me that because of me he is in so much pain, he is sick. whenever i say lets be friends for sometime so that we can have our space he never accept that decision also, he only want to be in a relationship, i want sometime to think over it but he is not willing to give me, he is so stubborn.
i cried a lot in front of him, i told him many a time his behavior suffocates me , he always promise that he won,t do it again , but he hasn't change at all. i don,t want to see him in pain but the way he behaves suffocates me, i am preparing for CAT exam. but the way he is behaving is making me guilty & miserable day by day. form last 5-6 month i am really working very hard to make this relationship work, he still loves me a lot but he is not understanding .

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Originally Posted by ssakshi

we are in a long distance relationship, he is 10 hours away from me, he insist me to visit him, but due to my exams i can,t do that, but he is not at all understanding. when i try to discuss these things on phone he cuts the call, never really take intrest in what i am saying. so usually form last 5-6 month i convey my thoughts through mail only, but he never takes them seriously also, he wants me to come there.

my parents are aware about him, they hate him becauase of his abusive or controlling nature, my mother always say one should fight for there love but only when it is worth fighting for .my friends hate him, there is no one from my side who can talk to him, he doesn't listen to me, he always blame me that because of me he is in so much pain, he is sick. whenever i say lets be friends for sometime so that we can have our space he never accept that decision also, he only want to be in a relationship, i want sometime to think over it but he is not willing to give me, he is so stubborn.
i cried a lot in front of him, i told him many a time his behavior suffocates me , he always promise that he won,t do it again , but he hasn't change at all. i don,t want to see him in pain but the way he behaves suffocates me, i am preparing for CAT exam. but the way he is behaving is making me guilty & miserable day by day. form last 5-6 month i am really working very hard to make this relationship work, he still loves me a lot but he is not understanding .

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Hello ssakshi,

Whatever you have written above gives me an idea that you love him alot but you are somewhere pissed off by his behavior.

You have already told him not once but many a times, cried in front of him, yelling at him and telling him about his behavior but the problem is he doesn't change.
So now what you gotta do is, forget the point that he will hurt himself and DO what you have been telling him from so long, that is, take a break and avoid any contacts. Sometimes its required to tell the other person that you can do what you intend to do if things don't fall at right place.

I am not asking you to completely break this relationship right now because I feel there is still some hope attached to it and if we try we can make things happen. All I want you to do is to just take a break from this relationship and make him realize that he should give weightage to your words and should not take them lightly. This action of yours might give him an idea of your condition and make him understand how much suffocating you are feeling being with him and hence perhaps he might change.


But also let him know that you are doing it for a time being(may be till the time you finally end up with your CAT exams, as you really want to concentrate ont them) and not for a long duration so that he can also take sometime out for himself and analyse things and change himself for good.


Try doing it and don't fear he will do wrong to himself. Also if he breaks up the relationship from his side seeing that you are doing all this with him or abuse you for the same, I believe it would be the time then for you to call it off because as I said earlier, lesser the differences, better is the relationship. Your case, as you mentioned earlier, everybody, including your parents, friends hate him for his behavior...so things will be difficult in future and now its time when you have started developing a negative feeling or him, so whats the point in dragging a relationship for no good reason when neither you are happy nor people attached to you.

think over it and try to do what I said. This might be helpful but if things go wrong, you really need to make a double check and take decision wisely.

hey pulkit

thanks for your genuine advice, i do understand whatever you have suggested . i told him about the break thing but he keeps on forcing me for a proper relationship. i am really not ready. he keeps on reminding me for every little thing that he has done for me till now. he calls me selfish, i am so much frustrated from this relation, all my single friends are very happy in their life, they are doing well in their career, their is no obligation on them. they are not scared of anyone who will accuse them for cheating or anything, they are master of their life. i miss my single hood days. i told him many a time but i don,t know what's wrong with him even though he is not happy with me, he knows well, but still he always say he want to have a girlfriend with whom he can hang out, he can go on date & have fun, because he is just 22 so its not a right time for him to be very serious & think about the career & family .....

Hi ssakshi,

Whatever he thinks he is doing is wrong. You need to go by what you have been planning for long. I guess, taking this step is the only solution to this problem. Let him realize your worth and he will get to know it once you are out of this relationship. Rest I have already told you. There is nothing more to add.

This is sheer burden upon you, Pulkit is right (as always :) ) .
I think you should start moving away from him gradually, from your post it looks like you are suffocating because of this relationship.

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Originally Posted by Yahoo

This is sheer burden upon you, Pulkit is right (as always :) ) .
I think you should start moving away from him gradually, from your post it looks like you are suffocating because of this relationship.

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Thanks Yahoo...!!!! Why don't you come out with your real name ?? :) :)