I am afraid to loose a girl and I am jealous when she talks other boys

Hi,

I am a guy who is currently doing training in a company.Its a 3-4 months training programme where i started liking a girl and she intially got too friendly with one of my friend and after 2-3 weeks she became my friend too.She is conservative and considers both of us as her brothers but later on she stopped talking with my friend due to a fight on random issue.He was also being physical with her and also spoke nasty words during fb chat.Problem is that i used to feel very jealous earlier,inspite of my advicing she kept on talking to him but
later she fought with him on a different topic.Its been 1 month she is not talking to him and i feel happy but things are going to change in coming days as she wants to talk with him and again i don't want this to happen,this keeps losing my focus as i want a good carrier too but don't wanna lose her because once she gets involved and i will be side-lined first
I have also observed that whenever he talks to another girl she tries to be too responsive with me and sometimes she just ignores or gets too involved with her friends.So its a kind of weird behaviour.I have mentioned while talking to her about her behaviour but she denies it.Even if she treats me as her brother i am ok with it.So what should i do???

from,
akki

Hi akki,

Couple of noticable things here.

First, she considers you and your friend as her brothers, so, obviously she is pretty clear in her find as to what relationship she intends to share with both of you. In a way, she has set her limitations.

Second, she is enough mature and capable to handle herself and take decisions on her own for her good. Obviously your intervention in her life, asking her not to do this or that, might create differences between both of you later.

Third, whatever her decision is to talk/ become friends with your friend is all driven by what comfortability level she shares with him, her relationship with him and how she would like to take things further. So, honestly, you needn't need to worry !!

Fourth, whatever you considering as her weird behavior is actually her natural behavior. The clarity of her intentions are not muddling up thing in her life. Whatever she does or is doing, is absolutely not because she feels for you, but she considers you as your friend/brother and nothing more than that.

Fifth, you are in a company for training, where you need to show the best of your performance or perhaps you are still at graduation level and up for a regular time training program with a reputed organization. The point I am focussing on is that you need to concentrate on your career and set yourself benchmarks. Try to avoid getting into such situations now because you are still not settled in your life. Moreover, with a girl with such a clear mind who considers you as her brother, things are difficult to happen in your favor.

So my advice, avoid getting into it deeper and avoid getting affected from it !!! Leave her and move on, you have a long life to live. What you considering love, is actually a mere infatuation which will vanish once you are through with this training and don't get to see each other.

Hello Pulkit,
Thank you for suggestion but now the problem is that after 1 and half months she began talking to him and started showing interest which would side line me and that really hurts and affects.Even though she is my sister i don't want to loose my attention because of this person and as far as her behavior is concerned,its just fine.I still feel jealuos because had it been any other guy i would have been unaffected but this one who was once my friend is not good in character.I shouldn't comment on anyone's character but what i observed and felt is that something i m telling you.I tried to ignore but didn't work well as i face such situations in the class many times and her friends too pushed her to patch up,this is what she messaged me.Please help

Hello akki1990,

Well here you yourself admit that you shouldn't comment on any one's character and you should avoid paying heeds to whatever is happening in her life, which obviously is correct.

If you feel jealous, there is nothing that I can do. All you need to understand jealousy is not the solution and why would you affect yourself for some random girl?
Its just that the girl you want to involve with is involved with your friend which is making you feel jealous about the whole thing. As I mentioned above, nothing is actually in your hands. The girl is mature enough to handle her relationships on her own.

As a friend you did what can be best expected from you. You have warned her about your friend's character and nature but is she is not understanding you, it clearly means she is not allowing you to alter her thoughts and doing what her heart wants her to do.

So, please maintain your self dignity and respect and get out of it asap...!!!

so pulkit what should i do if she talks to me and involves his topic while speaking and also she is not listening so shall i ignore her or show low interest or how should i react ????Its difficult or i should say imposssible but i just want to make her feel my importance.

Let me tell you what will happen here with you and this girl..

You will get embarrassed by this girl and this girl will eventually see you as some idiot who is freaked about her. Ultimately this will all end with bitter experience for both, if you don't believe then continue in the way you are going.

I asked how should i react from now on and not my future outcome with her

Quote:

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Originally Posted by akki1990

so pulkit what should i do if she talks to me and involves his topic while speaking and also she is not listening so shall i ignore her or show low interest or how should i react ????Its difficult or i should say imposssible but i just want to make her feel my importance.

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Ya. Ignore is what you need to do. You can do 2 things here :

1) Adjust with the situation. Be what she want you to be i.e. her brother/friend and stop thinking about any relation other than this. Even if her present relationship with your friend ends, she won't count you for a replacement.

2) Just tell her politely, even if you are her friend or brother, you don't appreciate her talking about your friend to you all the time. Though she can share things to you but still too much of it makes you feel bored and so she should avoid it.

OR


Just tell her you don't appreciate her talking to you about your friend because you don't like him. He is just to be a friend to be named so but you don't like him. Moreover, you stop her from going to him is because first and foremost, you love her more than he do. Whatever relationship she shares with you, bothers you not. What matters to you is you love her and it freaks you out when she talks to you about him alot.

Put it simple and good. Wait for things to change either positive or negative !!!

Ignore and stop expecting anything from this relations as Pulkit said and you should understand that she will not like when you will ask her not to talk to that boy, ultimately you will find yourself as bad as per that girl thats why I told you what will happen in future.