HELP!! how to convince parents- or shd i run away- or leave everything

hi
plzz help me.

i dnt understand how do i convince my parents.,
i am a doctor. working in a pvt clinic. and the guy i love is a property dealer and runs a finance office. earlier he used to study a lot for the civil sevices exam bt could not succeed. since he didn't had any other option. so he started this work.
now my parents r against love marriages firstly, nd secondly they'l never allow me to get married to him particularly.
i told my mother abt him. she says that "if u want to destroy ur life, then go ahead."
the problems that parents have are that he's less educated (he's done graduation. bt BA), he lives in a village, the work he's doing is not considered good in society.
my mother said that "even if we allow u to marry him he cannot keep u happy cuz u will not b able to adjust in his environment'' . even i think that may be i wl not b able to adjust in his environment. bt i knw that we will be happy together
my parents r not at all in favour of this marriage. they want me to leave everything.
wht do i do. shd we run away??
i am nt able to see my parents in such distress. lastly i think to leave everything , i'm too tensed.
wht shd i do?

Hi Dear,

First of all you don't need to worry. Remember you are tensed so don't jump to any conclusion. Running away is not a solution either. Now think and work strategically. Tell me few things is your boy family ready to accept you? You are fighting with your parents for him, will he or his family accept you ?
If you are sure of both the things that's great! What you can do is try and convince your parents to meet your bf so that they can understand each other and if his family can meet yours that would be even awesome.
Now here is the trick you can play with your parents is tell them that you won't marry anyone but just him and you are not running away as well because you seek there blessings as well. Involve any elderly or relatives or cousins who support your relation and will talk to your parents on this behalf.
But remember one thing that don't make a fool of yourself. Be sure of what steps you are taking is right for you.
At the end of the day parents want there child happiness. So don't worry stay positive try these things I suggested you and yup most important thing pray to God because it can do wonders!!!

I understand the situation and it is a very typical one also common in movies.Your concerns are very genuine and it is the most difficult situation to have.But the answer is to accept it and be prepared for everything.Make your heart of steel as tenacity is the first thing you need.As the whole situation is caused by circumstances and fate,what can propel you to take the best decision is to shun all fears and only think with reasoning and clarity.It is clear that he is an intelligent man but just could not pass civil services.BA is literate and if he is kind to you and to others,he is really literate.True,property is a grey business but legal biz and can be pursued to change.
I can't agree with your parents point against love marriage.Who is the reason who make us suddenly love each other-God.By definition,always against God,thereby.Very simple.I think he is not apparently that polite as education affects these mannerisms making parents more against him.But I am sure he loves you.The point is how much he loves you and is there any room for doubt.Can he give his life on one demand of yours.That is the MOST IMPORTANT ques.What is the max seen to suggest he will live for you not for himself.
Finally consider this.If you are not happy marrying someone else,who will lose.You,meaning of marriage,bad for anybody else,your lover and future generations.Environment is not an issue,husband is.And these can change for many reasons.But love will not die in the heart after marriage and pain will live in the heart forever.Just make sure he will never hurt you,will never touch you without consent,20 yrs after marriage etc.You need to know him more than himself.If that is the case,you have to run away,no option.Have a court marriage.As for parents,if your understanding that he will consider his life less than your smile proves correct,you will be as happy as possible.Now if they love you as I am sure they do,they will be happy obviously and if they were not interested in their child but society fear,there is no moral point in considering their apparently emotional ques.What if they marry you to a same caste millionaire with full confidence and later find that not only you are unhappy but is not good towards you etc.Nobody has ISI mark.
Marriage is between adults by definition and not to be forced by parents.Question of life.Just marrying because parents say will be insulting this pious relation,common sense.And if you don't marry your lover and surrender to parents,will you tell parent's choice that you used to love someone emotionally and all that shared above.If not that will be the biggest crime to many including God.And if he comes to know all about him after marriage,consider the disaster.
Only if you are not sure he will be the most loving husband,you should do arranged marriage.Plz tell him ALL about him and you and if he like Naseeruddin Shah of Woh 7 din,you will have to marry Shah.Parents have their opinion but that may or may not be correct.If you are sure about him and love both,go ahead as you know what they are saying and the rationale but they CANNOT understand the love in your heart and about what is in his heart.
Just check from independent sources as property dealers are generally not rated highly.Consult your friends.Understand what friends mean.Don't blindly follow them.
These are some of what I wanted to say and if you can disclose more about him like his intentions from day one,his suggestion if ur parents didn't agree.Need so much database about him and how can you say that he will do anything for you,I will describe the situation and follow up action with all the reasoning and honesty.
Everything will be fine.

whomsoever i ask. friends family, everyone says that he's nt correct guy fr u. now my mind has gone numb. i'm jst not able to think anything. i knw he loves me very much, there's no doubt on that part. he's also very tensed. more than me.. nd even his mind doesn't work nowadays.
His intentions frm day 1 were to marry me anyhow. his suggestions if my parents didn't agree r different. sometimes he says we'l run away, bt sometimes he's shattered and says that i shd do whtever my parents say nd marry someone else.
bt i knw he loves me too much. he even says that we'l live near to my mother's house cuz i'm their only child. and that he wants to take care of my mum n dad when they'l b old.
also
whenevr he's angry or upset he hurts me til the most disastrous level. its been more than an year. we fight almost every 3-4 days. its a very crucial time. he never wants to hurt me and he also hates it when i cry. bt it ends up by hurting each others emotions.
that is the reason why he sometimes suggests me to get married somewhere else.. he thinks that we both can never live happily, and he ends up blaming himself fr the whole situation. m very worried fr him and i knw that the situation wil not improve until marriage.

my parents are not at in favour of this marriage. also bcuz they didn't wanted me to get married so early. may b they were nt prepared fr it. they stil wanted 2-4 years fr my marriage issue. its also cuz m the only child of my parents.
i dnt wanna hurt my parents. they have done too much fr me.

Hi Kirti,

What does your boy family has to say? Are they in favor or against this relationship? We know the story from your side but what about your bf's parental side??

1-The reasoning why your friend and well-wishers say that.Just from hearing or some particular reason(s).Although that SHOULD NOT be weightage worthy in decision making but very serious matter if everybody is skeptical.Why they say will decide and plz share it,it can only help.
2-There is hardly any room for anything good to happen but the marriage with him as you love him and most importantly convinced he loves you too.The fact that he thinks for your parents says it all.Whether this year or after 0-4 yrs as probably wished by parents.
3-Is there any thought or guilt that you or your guy has done anything improper,immoral or wrong.If yes,today throw it in the Arabian sea.You both are great human beings.Invaluable gem.I will convince you.The only villain here is bad patch which nobody can do anything about.At the most predict through occult but 1 in 100 is a perfect one.More than that it looks a test for both as difficult situation and you both have to pass it with distinction.
4.There are too much contradictions in your life Miss and try to focus.I am shocked and deeply pained that your so loving lover fights with you every 3-4 days.In all bad ways minus the immoral one.What is your fault.Tell me one.If not and he very well knows what you are going through and fighting CANNOT lead to any good thing.About situation,he cannot do but who is forcing him to have a single shout on you.Plz ask what is your crime and how this benefits both.How can you concentrate and decide the best decision for ALL.1 and 1 is 11.If you meet 30 min daily,only discuss what will life be after marriage,how much you care,or just look in each other eyes.If the dream is pure,God WILL be inclined to hear that and will NOT be impressed on any fighting and any tear,anger,hurting etc.His temper is the only issue that bothers as this is not the right time.Not the emotions he has towards you.This unintentionally attacks the love in his heart and love is the most powerful feeling on the planet.It is known that Love is God.Complicated but try to understand.
5.Better that you have time.Parents want 2-4 years and what is the hurry.Lovers wait till eternity.Till that sort out all differences so that no acrimony can take place ever come what may.
6.Make your affection more visible to very loving parents so that they understand that whatever they have done for you will be more than reduced to nothing if they try to force on you.On the other hand,if they are convinced you have chosen the right partner,sacrificing their opinion and respecting your emotions will take them to a very high moral ground and happiness they never had till then.IT IS 100% possible.Why they think he will never keep you happy and away from all troubles.
7.Just try some,nothing to loose.When in distress,always try to be more composed.That is always possible.
If you can throw more light as asked above,it will be better to understand the faults and the remedies.I wish everything will be good but in the meantime,you both have to pass every test which I can say is right not happening logically and emotionally.

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my parents are not at in favour of this marriage. also bcuz they didn't wanted me to get married so early. may b they were nt prepared fr it. they stil wanted 2-4 years fr my marriage issue. its also cuz m the only child of my parents.
i dnt wanna hurt my parents. they have done too much fr me.

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Not this part has made this situation a bit confusing for me Kirti, now that you have said it either of the two possibilities arise out of here which I want to get cleared which one's is correct out of the two :
1. That your parents are ready for this relationship, but not ready to make you marry so early
2. Your parents are neither ready for your relationship and they are not willing to marry you to marry this guy, and hence this reasons are formed so that you keep away from this topic till the time goes and as per them the issue will not take a light after years pass by.
I just wanted to clear which of the above two possibilities are true and if you too are unsure, you may make it very clear through your parents, as the small mistake will make you regret your and yours parents decision the whole life.

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whomsoever i ask. friends family, everyone says that he's nt correct guy fr u. now my mind has gone numb. i'm jst not able to think anything. i knw he loves me very much, there's no doubt on that part. he's also very tensed. more than me.. nd even his mind doesn't work nowadays.
His intentions frm day 1 were to marry me anyhow. his suggestions if my parents didn't agree r different. sometimes he says we'l run away, bt sometimes he's shattered and says that i shd do whtever my parents say nd marry someone else.
bt i knw he loves me too much. he even says that we'l live near to my mother's house cuz i'm their only child. and that he wants to take care of my mum n dad when they'l b old.
also
whenevr he's angry or upset he hurts me til the most disastrous level. its been more than an year. we fight almost every 3-4 days. its a very crucial time. he never wants to hurt me and he also hates it when i cry. bt it ends up by hurting each others emotions.
that is the reason why he sometimes suggests me to get married somewhere else.. he thinks that we both can never live happily, and he ends up blaming himself fr the whole situation. m very worried fr him and i knw that the situation wil not improve until marriage.

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After reading this part, I have to say, he loves you dearly, but he is upset with the situation that you two are facing and he is not getting any closest person to pour that frustration on apart from you, who he knows and trusts a lot and on the counter part as you said he doesn't wanna hurt you and he sees you in such a tough situation which makes him more upset and hence he is repeatedly saying you to end this all and marry a person of your parents choice. These forceful behavior of his shows that he dearly loves you, and God does not make men like this anymore, I suggest you to continue your fight to get married to your partner, and in this situation its you who has to take all the stress away from your bf as he seems to be more emotional then you, you have to be the strong part of the relationship at this situation and make him believe that you both will marry for sure, and help him to get over his frustration through your love and support and make him calm down as rushing out and getting frustrated will not solve your problem. He has to stay calm to get some good solutions and ideas from his mind, if he gets frustrated, he may block any brilliant idea to get stuck to his mind, because a busy mind can not think anything creative.
You have to make your parents understand that by not making you marry the person whom you love and share a good deep bond and understanding with, you are ruining life of 4 people at a time, 1. of your own daughter who may not be able to accept any other person as her husband because she already loves somebody 2. of the guy who loves you as he too may find it difficult to accept somebody as her wife provided he too loves you deeply 3. of the person with whom they want to marry you either now or in future 4. of the girl to whom your love will have to marry due to his parents force, and no one on the earth has the right to ruin so many lives at a time by forcing a decision just on their child. Ask them just a one question :
Whether they want their child happy or they wanna make the "SOCIETY/SAMAJ" happy by making you marry some other person just because the person you love is of a different caste.
Tell them the world is moving very fast and today the values like caste system does not exist in reality they are all old stereotypical concepts that need to be eradicated, as well all are first Indians and not making you marry to other Indian is not the thing they should do. Make them understand that to change the system, first we have to change ourselves, we can not expect system to change unless we take an initiative to change it.

ok.. firstly.. there is no caste problem , we both r from the same caste.
his family is in favour of the relationship since the first day, they jst want the marriage as soon as possible. nd he's also tensed with this part that by delaying the marriage may be his family will also turn against it or unhappy with it.

my family has both the problems. according to them i shd get married when i start earning a better amount (cuz m a fresher m not getting that good amount in the clinic presently) nd after a certain age(i'm 22.. they thought of it at 26 or even later) nd shd get married to a better person than him(they had thought fr a doctor family fr me).

my situation is nt at all satisfying fr them.
may b i'v given them a shock of their life.
i dnt understand hw do i convince them?? wht shd i do that everything bcums alright??

You can probably arrange meeting btw ur parents and ur bf's parents. let elders talk!

my parents r nt at al ready to talk to anybdy.. i'm telling them to meet him at least once... they say that there's no point in meeting him when there's no future.. i even told my parents that he even thinks abt you ppl.they say that we dnt need anybdy to think abt us.
i'm too tensed..

Kriti things won't get solved if there will be no communication between both the families. Don't give up here darling get up and try to convince your parents I know its hard but you are fighting for your love trust me in the end it will be worth it. Try to be polite with them and be bit patient they will understand at the end of the day they are your parents. You don't want to hurt them but convince them. If you will give all hopes now then how will you fight for your love.