hi
i want to ask u something which has become my life. is falling in love wid guy is a sin?? if it is not then y parents put hurdles in the way of their marriage? i love someone desperately and our relation is of about 6 years . he was studying earlier but now he has completed his engineering and doing job. i told my father nd family about our relation 3 years ago and i said that we want to marry. my father first totally refused to the purposal. then i conveinced him anyhow... he said ok i agree but there are some demands by me that ur guy and his family have to fulfill.and the demands were that they will register a brand new home or plot for u before marriage. and the city in which guy is living he should transfer himself frm there to anyother city.and the third one that guy should reduce his weight and become smart. then i will allow u to get marry with him. now the problem is that a guy whom i love and he also loves me want to marry me his father on other side is not willing to register a plot for me and my guy by his ownself cant afford now to do this so he said that i can buy u a gold jwellery but i cant give u plot. secondly he tried a lot to transfer himself from his present city to some other place. he gone to uae in search of job . he has given interviews there . interviews gone well but they said we will call u and will tell u that u r appointed or not. he came back to his country after the visa expired. now he is doing job of 35thousand initial at his hometown. and third demand by my father was to reduce his weight to a great level,.. he did that also 3 years ago he got smart looking guy but unfortunately he had an accident and he got injured very badly doctors recommend him to take rest for about 2 months . then his weight increased . and from then till now he didnt get suitable time to reduce himself coz he has been doing job and came late at night and early in the morning he have to go to office. but now the problem is my father says if he didnt reduce his weight i will die but i will never ever allow u to get marry with him. if i asked my guy to reduce his weight he gave his explanations that he have not enough time to do excersices. what i do??? i have become sandwich between all this fuss... what i do./.. to conveince my father that i have no problem if he is fat. he loves me that counts more for me. all these things make me mad and i want to suicide at last.... please tell me what to do. should i ran from my home to him.

You have a complicated issue but your father is only trying to make sure that you have firm stand in future if this guy ever happen to move away from you but I think your father is going too far with it. I think you should calm down and think from both point of view ie. your father and your love.

Hello ashley poni,

Falling in love with someone has never been, is not and will never be a sin. Parents intervention in love marriages happen because they are considerate about their children, sometimes and sometimes, its the old Indian traditional thinking that comes in their way of their broad understanding. Your case is somewhat a mixture of both.

When he is worried about your boyfriend buying you a plot, he is thinking in terms of your financial security. But when he is adamant on the point that your boyfriend is obese, I believe, he is thinking wrong. Obesity is a baseless point and rejecting a proposal just because of it, I feel is not justified.

Now, what you gotta do, first there is no need to suicide. Make your father understand, he has tried well in his past to reduce his weight and he did succeed. This means he can do it again and he will get success again. So, your father should rule out this point because reducing weight is not a big deal. Secondly, regarding buying you a plot, you need to make him understand that you will never appreciate getting married to a person who is spoon feeded and is rich by his family background. You need to make your father realize that your boyfriend loves you and that he is trying his best. Moreover, make a promise to him that there will come a day when you will invite him at your own house, but obviously it needs time. Make him realize that when he was born, he had nothing with him, no plot...no house. It took him whole of his lifetime to gather funds and buy a plot for himself and that your boyfriend is not a superman or spiderman, that he will do it right now. Obviously it wil take him sometime to fulfill your father's demands and most importantly, he is trying.

You need to make your father realize that you respect his demands and his caring attitude towards you, but being a future wife of your boyfriend, you also respect his capabilities not less than your father's demands. You need to make him realize your love has the courage and guts to keep you happy and the point that you guys are in this relationship for almost 3 years should itself qualify a valid reason that he will not leave you ever. So, just in case your father is feeling insecure about him leaving you, you need to make him realize that he is worried on baseless thing.

See, mutual discussion between you, your father and your boyfriend is the only solution to this problem. You both need to make him realize that loving is not a business dealing where you give from one hand and take from the other. It involves emotions and feelings which is more important for an individual to live with rather than living in a house.

Buying a plot and supporting you financially can be easy for anyone but a house is made home when emotions and feeling are involved. You need to make him realize only money cannot sustain life and marriage, mutual respect and lifelong togetherness is also important. The most important thing in making a relationship go well is mutual love and respect and if these elements are missing, there is nothing left.

Talk to him over this in more detail. Try to explain him things that he is adamant on points which are either baseless or will take sometime to happen. Make him realize your happiness lies with your boyfriend and if he is rejecting your marriage on these points then you very well have the rights to revolt or put your demands forward, which obviously will be difficult for your family to fulfill. I hope you are getting what I mean here.

Suicide is not a solution of any problem, you should try to find an another solution of this problem, and try to conveyance your family and his family.

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