I am in relationship with a girl from last 5.5 years. Initial two years we were together when I was working & staying in Delhi. But, from 3.5 years it converted into a long distance relationship as I moved to another city for MBA program then for 2nd job that too in a different city.
I am 28 working in MNC at a descent position and she is 25 working as well as pursuing her master's. I have tried my level my best to keep this relation alive and never thought of any other girl. Nine months back I got to know that this girl got engaged to some other guy when I moved to another city. After knowing all this I threatened her too much but she begged me, put all sorts of requests to give her another chance. Although against my will I decided to give her another chance as I loved her deeply.
Now we are planning to marry but both of our parents are completely against our relationship. So, I am in a fix whether I shall go for court marriage but I don't want to hurt any of our parents. She has became my weakness, knowing all the consequences I am unable to leave this girl and move on. My father's health is not well being the youngest he is insisting me to get married to another girl.
Today I have everything to keep this girl & our families happy as I am well settled & independent. Sometimes I blame myself why moved for MBA program in the end I am loosing everything because at that time she tried to stop not to move to another city and leave her alone.
Please help me to come out of this trauma.

Hello vishal.s0684,



Things you should reconsider here (1) She couldn't take a stand when she was getting engaged to someone knowingly that she was already in a relationship with you. A person who is genuinely in love will atleast show some courage to come up and speak for his/her love once. But to your disappointment, she didn't feel the need to even inform you about her engagement. She is highly answerable.

(2) Both the families are against the match and ofcourse, the girl is already engaged which narrows down the possibilities that her parents will agree to wed her to you. Moreover, knowing the fact that the girl deceived you once, your parents will also not accept the match. So that puts you in a very bad position and honestly you are screwed up.

The thing that I can grab from all this is, its just YOU and only you who is keen for this relationship to work out. The girl is already engaged and so she will easily forget the time ( 2 years, which is somewhat less ) that you guys have spent together being in a relationship. I am pretty sure before getting engaged she must have had given her relationship a thought but she must have realized that its not difficult for her to forget you and move on.

Secondly, none of the families are ready for the match and there doesn't seem to be any hope for things to get better. Reasons I have already listed above.

Now, you are mature enough to understand what point I am hinting at. Yes, just let this relationship go, there is a lot of problems in this and very steep chances of it getting worked out. You can try to forget her. Since 3.5 years you both have lived far from each other so the intensity of feelings are also not that strong, atleast in her heart. So, for the good of all, for the good of your girlfriend, you should think of ending everything on a happy note and try to move ahead in life.

Thanks for your reply Sir. I would like to clarify this girl was not engaged however moved to another relationship in my absence i.e. when we were having long distance relationship. When I got to know about her another relationship through some sources she accepted her mistake and told that it was just an infatuation, her mind got diverted because of too much caring by that guy instead she still loves me. She tried to convince me through all ways and promised that nothing such will happen in future.
However, I was not at all interested to carry-on this relationship I just thought that I loved her deeply so lets give her a chance. Mistakes are made by human beings, but sometimes even today this thing pinches me that this girl has deceived me once. Now, nothing looks fine I have tried alot to ask her to arrange a meeting when I can meet her parents but she said her parents are not at all interested. Her mother had already denied me for this relationship twice over phone.
My family is also against my relationship and asked me "do whatever you like but don't expect anything from us in future and we will never accept you at any cost".
The girl says that if she would have tried she could have moved long back but she loves me truly that is why she wants to be with me. I don't why I still want to be with her knowing all consequences. I am in die lama whether I shall take chance of my whole life by leaving my family and going with this girl when this girl has deceived me once and when future prospects for both of the families seems terrible.

Originally Posted by vishal.s0684

Thanks for your reply Sir. I would like to clarify this girl was not engaged however moved to another relationship in my absence i.e. when we were having long distance relationship. When I got to know about her another relationship through some sources she accepted her mistake and told that it was just an infatuation, her mind got diverted because of too much caring by that guy instead she still loves me. She tried to convince me through all ways and promised that nothing such will happen in future.
However, I was not at all interested to carry-on this relationship I just thought that I loved her deeply so lets give her a chance. Mistakes are made by human beings, but sometimes even today this thing pinches me that this girl has deceived me once. Now, nothing looks fine I have tried alot to ask her to arrange a meeting when I can meet her parents but she said her parents are not at all interested. Her mother had already denied me for this relationship twice over phone.
My family is also against my relationship and asked me "do whatever you like but don't expect anything from us in future and we will never accept you at any cost".
The girl says that if she would have tried she could have moved long back but she loves me truly that is why she wants to be with me. I don't why I still want to be with her knowing all consequences. I am in die lama whether I shall take chance of my whole life by leaving my family and going with this girl when this girl has deceived me once and when future prospects for both of the families seems terrible.

If the girl loved you dearly she would not have stepped into some other relationship so easily just because some guy was caring for her, I too was in a similar position before a year when I loved a girl dearly but, she just considered me as her friend so I decided to move on and I got my mind diverted by stepping in with some other girl though it was very difficult for me to do so, but as soon as she came to know this she too begged for a chance to me saying if I didn't gave her a chance she might commit suicide and I was also too mad in love with her so decided to gave her a chance, but to my disappointment she added more wounds to my already wounded heart by playing this bad joke with my feelings to divert my attention towards her and then she left me again saying she wasn't in love with me anytime, So, I suggest you to get over with your relationship and don't give another chance to the girl because once someone has committed a mistake of stepping into some other relationship knowing that the partner is far from him, the same might be committed again in future if the similar case arises. I insist you to move on my friend, it might get difficult at the beginning, but time will heal all the wounds on your heart.

Dear Friend,


I dont say whatever happened with swapnilramani will happen with you too. Neither I am comparing your girlfriend and the circumstances with his ex-girlfriend. I don't judge everybody on the same spectrum. Whatever happened with him was definitely bad but its not necessary that the same thing will happen with you too.

I understand your point here that the girl was engaged in relationship with some other guy because he showed her concerns and good care. I understand things like love are natural and not in hands of you to follow. She started developing feelings for this new guy in her life just because she was left alone in life after you moved out of the city for your studies and career.

I don't blame her to fall in love again with some other person or develop that liking for someone when she was already in a relationship. The point that I am blaming her is, WHY didn't she tell it to you. I believe you are a mature person and you will allow your girlfriend to leave you and go, if she is not able to justify her relationship with you. Definitely, you won't ask her to stuck in a relationship with you for the sake of it when she has no respect, no love and no considerations for you. Similarly, you would have allowed her to leave you and go with whomsoever she wanted too, provided she should have informed you about her new relationship and this new person in her life, which she didn't do. That's where her loyalty comes into question.

Lets forgive her for falling in love with the other person and lets consider it a mistake of lifetime, but things here is not limited to just this. Both are families are completely against it. None of you would like to hurt your respective family's feelings but there is nothing you can do. Either you should pack yourself tight to give a tough fight to your respective parents or forget about this relationship since I don't appreciate the idea of eloping away and getting married.

Had I been at your place, I would have forgiven her for betraying me once but since there seems very steep chances of things falling right in place, i would have called off this relationship mainly because of following reasons - I feel there is not equal reciprocation of feelings from the other side, both the families are against it, the girl betrayed once has lived her life happily with some other guy for few months and so she will not feel any difficulty in switching over to another again and there is no guarantee whether will I ever be able to develop my trust on her and whether she will ever be able to stick to her promises again ??

So, here is the crux, forget your relationship and try to move on. There is someone else made for you. Life always has something better for you to experience. Everything happens for a good.

Thanks to both of you for your time and opinion. I would like to mention I quit from this relationship in Jan.2013. But, again I contacted her two weeks ago when she was sending me all sorts of sms: loving, threatening, harming herself, etc. I again asked her I wanted to talk to her parents and in the whole two weeks she was not able to arrange even a conference call with her parents. I also asked I will come to Delhi even though I was not in position to take leaves from company. But, only thing she conveyed to me is that her parents are not interested at any level.

Then, both of us decided for break up. After taking mutual break up she sent sms that she has just one last wish that I shall go to Delhi and meet her in person. I don't want to see her face because I know if I will become emotional again and might change my decision of break up which I have taken with a heavy heart. Shall I go to Delhi to fulfill her last wish to meet her in person.

Secondly, my father is pressurizing me for marriage as his health conditions are not well. But, I don't want to spoil life of any other girl when I can't love another girl.

Sometimes, I feel what I have achieved in my life, what was the use of leaving Delhi for the sake of my career, which all I set to have much better job. Now, I have a good job, financial stability but this seems to be biggest defeat of my life where I have invested 5.5 years of my life with full commitment & dedication.

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Dear Friend,

I don't blame her to fall in love again with some other person or develop that liking for someone when she was already in a relationship. The point that I am blaming her is, WHY didn't she tell it to you. I believe you are a mature person and you will allow your girlfriend to leave you and go, if she is not able to justify her relationship with you. Definitely, you won't ask her to stuck in a relationship with you for the sake of it when she has no respect, no love and no considerations for you. Similarly, you would have allowed her to leave you and go with whomsoever she wanted too, provided she should have informed you about her new relationship and this new person in her life, which she didn't do. That's where her loyalty comes into question.

Lets forgive her for falling in love with the other person and lets consider it a mistake of lifetime, but things here is not limited to just this. Both are families are completely against it. None of you would like to hurt your respective family's feelings but there is nothing you can do. Either you should pack yourself tight to give a tough fight to your respective parents or forget about this relationship since I don't appreciate the idea of eloping away and getting married.

Had I been at your place, I would have forgiven her for betraying me once but since there seems very steep chances of things falling right in place, i would have called off this relationship mainly because of following reasons - I feel there is not equal reciprocation of feelings from the other side, both the families are against it, the girl betrayed once has lived her life happily with some other guy for few months and so she will not feel any difficulty in switching over to another again and there is no guarantee whether will I ever be able to develop my trust on her and whether she will ever be able to stick to her promises again ??

So, here is the crux, forget your relationship and try to move on. There is someone else made for you. Life always has something better for you to experience. Everything happens for a good.

The point of highlighting your comments certain section in red are
1. you will allow your girlfriend to leave you and go, if she is not able to justify her relationship with you. Definitely, you won't ask her to stuck in a relationship with you for the sake of it when she has no respect, no love and no considerations for you.

This is what I meant to say when I said him to cut off the relationship, a success of relationship is based on two main legs 1. Trust 2. Loyalty
and neither of the two were fulfilled by the girl, she didn't had that much courtesy to even inform the boy with whom she is in relationship with, about her new relationship.
Trust : No question arises of trust here as she at first instant broke the trust by betraying him and stepping into another relationship.

If you ask our mate to give a chance to the girl by forgiving him, you should clearly justify on what ground do you say so, if the girl had loved our mate 1. she would not have decided to step into other relationship and could have directly rejected the offer of the man who had asked her for, had she loved our mate she would have informed him that she is not willing to continue and she has been in a relationship and likes that boy.

And if you read the comment of Vishal the last one he made, the girl is now forcing the Vishal

I contacted her two weeks ago when she was sending me all sorts of sms: loving, threatening, harming herself, etc. I again asked her I wanted to talk to her parents and in the whole two weeks she was not able to arrange even a conference call with her parents

read this lines, if the girl truly loved vishal, she would definitely not force him to continue the relationship with this threatening calls and suicide messages, she is facing some problem with other guy or even had broke up with him and out of desperation she again wants to join vishal in a relationship until she can get some other "CARING" Guy.
And this is for Vishal : "So, here is the crux, forget your relationship and try to move on. There is someone else made for you. Life always has something better for you to experience. Everything happens for a good."

Hi vishal.s0684,


Very rightly said by swapnilramani every relationship is built on Trust and Loyalty, both of which are missing in your relationship. It clearly says, there is no point in continuing with it anymore. Regarding meeting that girl in person for last time, I feel there is no point to weaken yourself, crying out loud, getting into depression, cursing yourself and your destiny and feeling disgusting about the fact that you couldn't do anything about it.

If you have decided to stop everything once, you should abide by your decisions. You know your girl's nature, she might want you to meet her once again so that she can break you emotionally and compel you not to give up this relationship. But you need to realize, there is no point in putting in your efforts again to make things work out.

Take a stand NOW and let go off things that make you weak. Hold on and judge things practically. You didn't get much being emotional. Handle things practically now.

That's all I have to say. Rest is upto you to make it.

Thanks to both of you to give your suggestions and valuable time. I was truly going from hell. Hope God will make things better again. Both of you please carry on your job it really gives courage to people like me when someone listens to our problem and shows a ray hope in life.