Hi,

I have been married for about 2 months and my life has become like a hell during this period. I came to know that my wife has an affair for past 4-5 years and from that day the things started to go wrong for me. It all started as:-

I got engaged in March this year. I selected the girl by seeing her sobberness and innocence from her face like she was wearing an indian suit and looking very simple and polite. and that was what i was looking in a girl. So i said yes and we got engaged. on the day of our engagement she asked me, whether i have any problem with her wearing jeans tops and in doing her a job. I said i have no problem with that. But from the second day, i started noticing that she is involved a bit extra in Whatsapp chat. I found her online on whatsapp all day, started from morning 6-7 am throughout the day. I asked her, with whom you chat all the day. Then she said she has a big friend circle. I asked whether she also has boys in her friend circle. She said, yes, she also has boys in her circle. Having boys in her friend circle was not acceptable to me. Because if someone is your just friend, then he can't be online for you from early morning (6-7 am). I asked her, does she has an affair. She said no. But after some days i enquired about her and came to know that she has a relationship with a guy, but his name is not sure. Things were going like this way and finaly we got married.

After 4 day of marriage, she went to her home for 2 days stay. I dropped her and came back to my home. The next day i went to her home without informing her. Then i found that, she was talking to someone and when i entered the room, she stopped talking. I asked her, whom she was talking, she said, one of her friend (girl). I took phone from her hand, called the person and found that he is a boy not a girl. I found details about that no. and came to know that, it was the same guy name that i enquired about, but was not sure earlier, I asked her. Initially she misguided me with wrong information, but then she told me that she knows the guy from last 4-5 years and she liked him and wanted to marry him, But he was from lower caste, so she could not married her. Now the guy is married and has a child also.

She said she doesn't call him anymore and has no relation with him, But i can't trust her, because she always betrayed me by telling lies. She is also very much frank to boys and feels no hesitation in sharing her mobile no. with them. I have problem with her involvment with boys and her over smart kind of nature. I don't want to loose her, because i love her. But i can't accept her this kind of nature and can't live with her in this situation, cause i remain upset all the day.
Please suggest me, what is the proper solution of this problem.

There is very easy solution yet its complicated issue to solve.

If we look to your problem closely then there can be following situations :

1. You are just panicking for nothing, it could be just her normal life but you are becoming over possessive.
2. She is actually hiding things from you. It could be something serious.
3. Or they are simply very close friends and hence the issue.

In first scenario you may simply pretend that you know nothing about her behavior, habits and you have no doubt over her activities. This way, if she is clean, you will get it otherwise if there is something dubious then it will come out automatically as she will get lenient from your side and may give you opportunity to figure it out.

It will also work if second is the case, but just don't show your doubts, inquiring phone directly in front of her was really a bad move. If she is hiding something, now she will do it more cautiously.

On the other hand, if she is clean, again snatching phone to check will hurt her emotions and respect for you.

First of all you should not get tense, it is just part of life and can happen with any newly wed couple as they don't know much about each other yet have very high expectations.

Now since you are married to her and even if she had an affair in past then if she is intelligent then will simply close chapter forever. But rarely people are that intelligent, if that is the case then you may need to be her guide always.

Other way I can think is of talking to her mother, her sister or someone who is close to her, he / she then indirectly inquire her as well as tell her to stop any such connection if she wants to have happy life ahead, otherwise there is no point of continuing this trauma forever. It should be presented to her to make her understand that life is far more challenging and demanding than she thinks and it requires lots of hard decision.

She need to that marriage comes with lots of compromises, responsibilities, mutual understanding and she should be ready to accept them.

Moreover, she said the guy already have child and is married, then whats the point of ruining life of so many people, ie. that guy and his family, you and your family, her and hers family.

One more thing, you may ask her sibling about her position in her family, was she detached from everyone, if that is the case then she is only looking for support and comfort in her friends and if that is the case, you can easily be her friend and her comfortzone and can fix all this easily by making her to believe you and rely upon you.