I have no one to talk to about this.
Few months after I entered clg,I met a boy he was sweet,caring and seemed to be a nice person. We became friends,he fell in love with me. Didn't confess but I came to know somehow. I was not sure about my feelings and so although I liked him I didn't say yes. Our friendship continued. 18 months later...the scene was different...we were best friends,shared each and every thought and feelings. I never felt so much of attachment with anyone before. He was my priority. He was everything. Later he proposed again, I accepted. Few months later he became more possessive. Started doubting me for nothing. And our fights grew more and more intense. Once I came to know that he lied to me about one fact. He proposed to some other girl after the first time I refused his proposal. I was dam hurt, coz it felt like he just needed a girlfriend coz all his friends had one in clg. But he was sorry,and it was way back in past. I forgive him for not being honest. Later his doubts and jealously increased. He began mentally distressing me. We fought a lot every 15 days or so. And every time it was either about me not showing off our relationship in clg or not roaming with him very frequently. Or talking to my friends and spending time with them. I couldn't do anything by myself. I was loosing my individuality. He was short tempered and he always used harsh words. I keep on gettin hurt and keep on forgiving him. We had a break for two months when It became unbearable to me. But he returned with a huge sort of promises of not hurting me and giving me my freedom etc along with a guilt and an apology. As usual my heart melted, I decided to give him another chance. we got back together. Soon after it, fights started but they were less severe. Everything was going fine till now. I was trying to trust him again,and he was trying to control his temper. I was happy. Suddenly his demands appeared. Of roaming and showing off publicly, I give in. But then he expressed that he wants to be intimate. He knew I am not that sort of girl who would involve in pre marital sex. Still I told him again and simply refused. His anger grew. He blamed me for nothing and started talking crap about ny character that I am refusing him not coz of my morals but as coz I live at home. but I would agree to it when I would be living in a hostel somewhere for higher studies later in life. That I am a girl and all girls are same. And I would ditch him someday. I was disheartened to know his cheap assumptions about me and about girls. Next day he didn't feel apologetic. I didn't talk to him either. After a day,he behaved as if everything is normal. He called but I refused to talk. Suddenly without realising that I am hurt,he started blaming and doubting me again. I became more sad. I told him I can't do this anymore. He flamed out in anger that yes he knew I would leave him one day,I must have got someone else. He abused me! For no reason at all. Said m like all fucking girls. I was crying my heart out..only after I switched off my cell I felt relief. Next day he was again sorry. I am not going to forgive him this time. I have had enough. I am not sure to what extent you gotta compromise and bend in a relationship. Not sure if what I did is the right thing? M completely broken. I am losing myself. Only way to end my misery and pain is to get away from him but the agony is that I love him. Choosing between the love of your life and your own self respect? Choosing between giving up or trying again? Hardest decision to make.
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