I am in a dilemma. About my future.
I am 30, a divorcee and working outside India on a contract job. I am not going to settle here but plan to stay here for another four to five years.
I got in touch with a girl from India about one year ago through social networking site. Soon the chatting on net became more intimate. We have never done video chat though because she doesn't have the facility. And when I saw intimacy growing, I told her completely about my past. She never questioned me further about my past. She is 23.
A bit about my past : It was an arranged marriage. I was fascinated about her educational qualifications and thats what drove me. But what I completely overlooked was that she came from a super rich family and I belonged to the mango population. The marriage didn't last because she had started demanding extra high standard of living which I didn't want to waste my money on.
Coming to this girl, I gave enough time to myself before I realized that I had started liking her very much. August, I proposed to her. She agreed as if she was waiting for me to propose.
My family and hers belong to totally different cultures. Its inter cultural marriage. Different language, different beliefs, different food etc. We did worry about this a lot.
In November I came to India on Diwali and that is when I went to her city to meet her specially. We spent a day together. Most of the things were talked over on phone and so there was nothing very important left to be discussed in person. Then we started telling our families. First the moms, then the dads, then the taujee's etc. To our surprise, no one opposed. It seems they trust us with our decision. The families have not yet given their final nod but they are talking and the nod is expected.
Wondering where the problem lies? Here is :
I am sure that the girl loves me a lot because otherwise there is no reason why she would go out of way to marry me. But she has not 'fallen' for me. I dont see that desperation in her for me. I do feel desperate for her. I call her three four times a day. Express my feelings. The girl has never shown this kind of madness. She would never call. Before you think that she might not want to spend on ISD calls, I told her already that she only needs to give me a missd call. I would call her back. But all I wanted her to do is give me a missd whenever she would feel like talking to me. She wouldn't do that. She would never express her feelings on her own. Saying a simple 'I love you' feels like climbing mount everest for her. And what drives me mad is that in her previous relationship, as she said, she used to be expressive. But it didn't work coz the guy broke up when he demanded sex and she didn't oblige. If I try to talk to her, she assumes infinite silence. Whats suffocating me is why is she not opening up. I feel opening up is important before marriage. Not after marriage.Why cant she show her madness for me. Why why why. And if she is not mad for me, why did she accept my proposal. I tried breaking up with her due to this issue, but the more I try to break up with her, the more I fall for her.
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