Hi.you must have read the post posted by K.P.Arun. I am his girl friend but he didnt mention the exact story what happened between us. Here I go, truly LOVE is such a beautiful feeling but people experiencing it will come to know that Love has another drastic face called "PAINFUL DEATH. We had the feeling of love for a long time within ourselves but expressing it outside took sometime. Those days were so happy. I was all the time walking on CLOUD NINE. I admired everything he does. In a simple way " I LOVED HIM SO MUCH". I felt my life is perfectly complete with him. I was happy with Arun. But a very very bad day started in my life and till this second I am struggling, crying and infact dont know when my life ends due to this depression. Before that I need to mention that when I said yes to Arun for expressing his love, I told to my parents that I told I love Arun. My parents gave GREEN SIGNAL to our love but my dad insisted him to bring his parents to home for talking about marriage issues. I and Arun were so happy. We didnt expect that my parents will say immediately yes to it. Now here, a twist came to my smooth happy running life. One day Arun went to his home to talk to his parents about our relation, HORRIBLE DRASTIC PAINFUL THINGS HAPPENED. His dad made call to my parents and spoke very bad about my nature, his mom told that I mixed posion and gave food to Arun and that why his son got changed. His elder brother spoke so bad to me and he didnt respect my dad who is so elder to him. His brother is just one year elder to me and he told my dad to keep me in control. They spoke very bad hurting words. My parents were so depressed on that day and told me to forget him. Arun's dad started forwarding all the messages from Arun's mobile to my dad's mobile. I felt so ashamed to face my dad becoz those messages were so personal between me and Arun. BUT TILL TODAY MY DAD DIDNT ASK EVEN A WORD ABOUT THOSE MESSAGES TO ME. Overall I am wounded deeply till now

Are you talking about this discussion
http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...e-my-love.html

I think you should read it and ask for advice there because its so much already discussed there.

1)You are getting married not anyone else.whose business is it to interfere?

2) Insulting your father is in very bad taste

3)No one has the right to defame you ,you are a sacred person

4)Your parents are right ,these people would mistreat you if you married arun

can understand its really tough for you...but i believe its with arun whom you have to live with ..tough times do not last but tough people do...if arun is speaking by your side...i think its worth the risk taking..later on family will be left with no option but to accept u....your parents are really hurt..but time shall heal everything..have faith in yourself and the almighty

Hello Nagalakshmi,

I understand the situation on your side and let me tell you I am the one who advised Mr. Arun on his thread. Basically, we write your responses based on whatever details a original poster give us. If he is hiding something from us, then obviously, he will be the one suffering for it. I really appreciate that you took this step to come forward and open things up in front of us.

whatever advises I have given to Mr. Arun are typically based on the details he provided to us on the forum. Now, since you have added to it, I believe it will help us solve your case.

Based on whatever you wrote above and trusting you on that aspect, all I can say is, you three, that is, you, Mr. Arun and his mother( or any elder who can take the responsibility and has the authority to take decisions) need to si and talk everything clearly. You need to ask them as to exactly what happened that first they agreed to your relationship and later denied it. Try to make things pretty simple and clear. Remember, it should be the final meeting between you, Mr. Arun and his family. Talk as much as you can. Have a very clear communication. Try to convince his mother and rest of family members as much as you can. Things will be clear after this meeting. If they, by any remote chance, agree to accept you, then its well and good. Try to behave in a manner that is expected out of you so that before marriage you don't give them any chance to point fingers on you again. But even after a thorough discussion, if they disagree then let me be frank and honest to tell you, things will not work out in your case any more.

See, when everything like that was happening, you should have reacted instantly. You should have asked his father or brother directly, why they said bad things for you or pointed out on your nature. Things would have been pretty easy then. Now working on it after so long is making things difficult for both of you. A relationship with least differences is the best relationship. I told Mr. Arun that chances of things becoming better is steep but there is always a ray of hope. So, you guys can give it a try. If things are destined to happen, they will happen and if not, then whatever you do, how much effort you put in, every thing will go in vain.

If some negative happens, I guess it would be the time for you to bid bye to Mr. Arun and his family. There is no point in dragging a relationship like this where you are not happy and where you do not see any good chances of becoming happy after marriage. So, my honest advice to you would be to first try and make things work out but if you fail, leave everything asaide and move on.

That is all i can say. You might get better advises here.

Originally Posted by Sweetie

Are you talking about this discussion
http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-frie...e-my-love.html

I think you should read it and ask for advice there because its so much already discussed there.

Hi Sweetie,
Yes, I am talking about the one which you mentioned. Actually I only know what he has posted in etalkindia.com but truly dont know what suggestions and the reply what he is giving back to you. I saw the very first post posted by him. Thats it. After that I dont know anything. He will not tell me or show it to me.

Originally Posted by Pulkit

Hello Nagalakshmi,

I understand the situation on your side and let me tell you I am the one who advised Mr. Arun on his thread. Basically, we write your responses based on whatever details a original poster give us. If he is hiding something from us, then obviously, he will be the one suffering for it. I really appreciate that you took this step to come forward and open things up in front of us.

whatever advises I have given to Mr. Arun are typically based on the details he provided to us on the forum. Now, since you have added to it, I believe it will help us solve your case.

Based on whatever you wrote above and trusting you on that aspect, all I can say is, you three, that is, you, Mr. Arun and his mother( or any elder who can take the responsibility and has the authority to take decisions) need to si and talk everything clearly. You need to ask them as to exactly what happened that first they agreed to your relationship and later denied it. Try to make things pretty simple and clear. Remember, it should be the final meeting between you, Mr. Arun and his family. Talk as much as you can. Have a very clear communication. Try to convince his mother and rest of family members as much as you can. Things will be clear after this meeting. If they, by any remote chance, agree to accept you, then its well and good. Try to behave in a manner that is expected out of you so that before marriage you don't give them any chance to point fingers on you again. But even after a thorough discussion, if they disagree then let me be frank and honest to tell you, things will not work out in your case any more.

See, when everything like that was happening, you should have reacted instantly. You should have asked his father or brother directly, why they said bad things for you or pointed out on your nature. Things would have been pretty easy then. Now working on it after so long is making things difficult for both of you. A relationship with least differences is the best relationship. I told Mr. Arun that chances of things becoming better is steep but there is always a ray of hope. So, you guys can give it a try. If things are destined to happen, they will happen and if not, then whatever you do, how much effort you put in, every thing will go in vain.

If some negative happens, I guess it would be the time for you to bid bye to Mr. Arun and his family. There is no point in dragging a relationship like this where you are not happy and where you do not see any good chances of becoming happy after marriage. So, my honest advice to you would be to first try and make things work out but if you fail, leave everything asaide and move on.

That is all i can say. You might get better advises here.

Dear Pulkit,
First of all I need to thank you so much for spending time to advice me but pulkit I have tried everything u said. First of all, they dont give me time or chance to speak to them. The momemt they hear my voice over phone, their whole family is tensed and getting angry. They never spoke to me directly. Just because they felt I was fat, they rejected me right from starting. But now I have reduced from 72 to 55 kgs. Now they tell me that just becoz my weight is reduced, that doesnt mean that I will be good looking in front of his son. Pulkit, I am not very beautiful but I am beautiful to my heart. Even Arun use to hurt me that I am fat and he even said I look like gorilla. They told directly that they will look for outlook than the nature of a girl. but now they all are additionally adding one more issue that I am the reason for their dad's death. When I told his Mom that I am not able to forget Arun, she said she will slap me if I am front of her. His sister gave me permission to marry Arun with a condition that I have to kill my dad and marry Arun. She is 3 yrs younger to me and suggested me to kill me dad either by giving poison or planning an accident. She told that I sound like a lady fighting in markets and slum areas. She said, I dont belong to a gud family background. I am wounded badly pulkit. But the most painful part is Arun is never beside me when I am hurted. He still looks for his family love and tears. he is not thinking of my pains. His mom, bro and sis are ready to even kill me I guess. They are hurting me by talking of my figure, my family background, my brought up and his bro told me to go and fuck someone else. Actually, the main person Arun is not supportive to me, where will I go? I am all the time with pain. No peace and happiness. I am very badly wounded. Till today Arun is looking only for his family. Even now he tells me that I am wrong. He is not supportive at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Hi Maverick,
Thanks for the reply. Arun is not supportive to my side. This pains a lot than his family hurtings to me. His mom cursed me in a very bad way, his sister gave me a condition to kill my dad if I need his brother to marry. His brother told me to go and fuck someone else. They all blamed me for his dad's death. They try to kill me with all the bad things as much as possible. They all the time use to hurt me commenting on my figure. I reduced from 73 to 55 kgs. I went to many temples, nothing worked out. My all time only question is, WHEN I WAS BEING HURTED DEEPLY BY HIS FAMILY WORDS, WHERE WAS ARUN STANDING? HE WAS NEVER NEAR ME. HE WAS NOT THERE TO HOLD MY HAND AND WIPE MY TEARS. INFACT, HE ALSO TOLD THAT YES, I LOOK FAT AND MY FACE IS LIKE GORILLA. HE USE TO SHOUT AT ME THAT I NEED TO ADJUST AND FORGET THINGS. HE TELLS HIS SISTER IS SO INNOCENT. I M GOING MAD DAY BY DAY. COMPLETELY FRUSTRATED. I am hating myself to fall in love with Arun.

You feel he is not by side ? But from other post it looks he wants to be with you too, sometimes out of frustrations people say things. But here looks like things are getting worst, they will not accept you ever. Either ask Arun to marry you against his family's wish or you should move on.

Hey..

I think he is just as tired and frustrated by the entire situation as you are. & what happens when you’re tired? You feel like giving up, and you think of all the things you’ve never would think about when you are in your normal, happy state. You become irrational, say silly things and make stupid decisions. You have to understand that he has lost his father and a part of him is bound to feel the slightest bit of guilt especially when his entire family is blaming him for it. So he is kinda stuck. You have to be more understanding right now I suppose.

But at the end of the day, you just have to tell yourself that those are demons playing with your head and all would be worth it. Keep believing in yourself, him & your love.

In the meantime, be patient. Wait for his family to cool down.. if you keep pushing them now, they will get even more angry.

& I wanna tell you that it's really admirable that you've done so much for your love. Don't lose confidence in yourself cause of all the nasty comments they've thrown at you. You deserved none of that. Physical beauty don't last. End of the day, what really matters is that you've a good heart. Even if they are gonna be stubborn about it and does not accept you, please don't lose faith in yourself or in love. Happy endings doesn't necessarily have to be in getting married. We can still be happy, on our own. We just gotta figure out what we really want outta ourselves, rather than other people. I really hope you see that YOU are in charge of your own life, your own happiness. Concentrate on other things as of now. & give your boyfriend some more time. Let the situation be more calm.

I hope things get better for you. All the best!

Hi Nazeen,
Thank you for your reply. I need to mention here I am much worried about the way Arun behaves to me. He knows very well that I am being hurted deeply by his family but he was never beside me to hold my hand and wipe my tears. Its not he is only blamed for his dad's death. They actually pose it on me. But as you said I am not worried of their words but my pain is that why Arun reacts to me roughly. why he doesnt understand my tears and pains. After his dad's death, some good things also took place in his family like his bro's marriage, his sis marriage proposal got fixed, his bro gave birth to boy baby thinking that his dad was born again. Some happy moments came to their family after he lost his dad but still last week I again begged his mom that I am not able to forget him, She replied so bad and hurting as usual. Arun never consoled me even once after his mom and sis scolded me in bad way and told me to kill my dad. I am quite for everything only because I love arun but he is not understanding that. He told me that his mom is crying. I am happy he loves his family but as a human he should also see whats wrong and right. Even now I am crying typing this. I feel I will move away from this world soon. I am hurted nazeen, I am deeply hurted. I feel too much of loneliness.

Hi Nazeen,
I forgot to mention that please think of my parents too. I am completing 29 yrs and will step into 30 by next april. My mom is very worried about my life. She feels that I will stay as spinster life long. My parents are going to many temples praying for my marriage but I am been cancelling it a couple of times. Actually I am ready to talk to my parents again about my love for which i will get positive reply but what should I say if my dad ask me whether Arun's parents accepted for our love. No parents will send their daughter if the guy's parents are not liking. My parents will also say no to it. So I need a positive answer from his parents side, so that I can talk to my parents right now. I told this to Arun also but his family is too stubborn. I can wait but cant make my parents to wait. Already my mom is feeling sick thinking of my life. My parents dont have any other responsibility except my marriage. I dont have any younger sis or bro. I have one elder sis, she is married and settled with 2 kids. My marriage is the only duty to my parents. How can I proceed my life? I really dont know. going mad each second.

Hey,

Do you think you would be able to marry someone else? I mean I've seen lot of arranged marriages work out even though the girl was in love with someone else earlier.

If you CAN marry someone else and compromise with your life, I'd tell you to get married to someone else. Cause even though his parents might eventually agree to your marriage, they will always hold a grudge against you and you might face problems from them after your marriage with your boyfriend. Given the way he has been treating you lately, you might get the same treatment from him at that point of time too.

You can't be the only one fighting for your love.

I feel bad for your parents. They are going through so much stress for nothing..

Originally Posted by Nazneen

Hey,

Do you think you would be able to marry someone else? I mean I've seen lot of arranged marriages work out even though the girl was in love with someone else earlier.

If you CAN marry someone else and compromise with your life, I'd tell you to get married to someone else. Cause even though his parents might eventually agree to your marriage, they will always hold a grudge against you and you might face problems from them after your marriage with your boyfriend. Given the way he has been treating you lately, you might get the same treatment from him at that point of time too.

You can't be the only one fighting for your love.


I feel bad for your parents. They are going through so much stress for nothing..

Hi Nazeen,
Thanks for the reply. I too can very clearly see that its no worth anymore to fight for my love but I am not able to forget him. I just request you instead of replying me some suggestions, please pray for the betterment of my life. I just want to live a simple normal life but till now I am living in hell (from the day his parents came to know us'). I truly dont wish to live but I want to live to make my parents happy. Till today my parents never hurt me for anything. they were so lovable and friendly. I am very thnakful to God to get such a gifted parents.

Originally Posted by Nagalakshmi

Dear Pulkit,
First of all I need to thank you so much for spending time to advice me but pulkit I have tried everything u said. First of all, they dont give me time or chance to speak to them. The momemt they hear my voice over phone, their whole family is tensed and getting angry. They never spoke to me directly. Just because they felt I was fat, they rejected me right from starting. But now I have reduced from 72 to 55 kgs. Now they tell me that just becoz my weight is reduced, that doesnt mean that I will be good looking in front of his son. Pulkit, I am not very beautiful but I am beautiful to my heart. Even Arun use to hurt me that I am fat and he even said I look like gorilla. They told directly that they will look for outlook than the nature of a girl. but now they all are additionally adding one more issue that I am the reason for their dad's death. When I told his Mom that I am not able to forget Arun, she said she will slap me if I am front of her. His sister gave me permission to marry Arun with a condition that I have to kill my dad and marry Arun. She is 3 yrs younger to me and suggested me to kill me dad either by giving poison or planning an accident. She told that I sound like a lady fighting in markets and slum areas. She said, I dont belong to a gud family background. I am wounded badly pulkit. But the most painful part is Arun is never beside me when I am hurted. He still looks for his family love and tears. he is not thinking of my pains. His mom, bro and sis are ready to even kill me I guess. They are hurting me by talking of my figure, my family background, my brought up and his bro told me to go and fuck someone else. Actually, the main person Arun is not supportive to me, where will I go? I am all the time with pain. No peace and happiness. I am very badly wounded. Till today Arun is looking only for his family. Even now he tells me that I am wrong. He is not supportive at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Hi,

I went through whatever you wrote above and now I would like you to answer my question : What is the reason that you are so much into this relationship so much so that even after being insulted constantly, you are not ready to leave it ??
Friend, here you need to be practical. You are actually allowing your emotions to dominate over your thinking.

After all that happened with you so far, what do you expect, will Mr. Arun and his family members ever going to be nice with you?? Even if you get married to Arun by hook or crook, will his brother and sisters behave in a way you expecting them to ?? Will you ever get that love and affection from his family members that you ever dreamt of?? Is there any fair chance that things will improve in near future ??

The answer to these questions from my side would be a clear NO. Get practical dear, his family members are making all sort of excuses from refraining you to marry him. First it was on your looks and second was his father's death. By now, you should have understood that his family is not interested in making this relationship happen.

So, on very pure note, I would like you to stop working on it, leave things and move on. Dear, your life is not bound to anyone. Leave the person/family immediately who treats you as an option. Even if you get married to him, all your life you might face their sacarsm. So, what is the point in doing something which will give you no happiness and only sorrow. Get to know, there are deep rooted problems in this relationship. I don't think so, this is a way to judge a person like this.
If before the marriage you are facing such grave insults, then you can very well understand how grave this problem will become after marriage. So, its better to end everything right now and move on. I am saying this because I don't see a point in continuing this relationship any further as it will create more problems for both of you and the families involved. Also, it will end someday. So its better to call it off right now and move out of it with a smile, rather than dragging it for long and eventually ending it due to family pressures. I can't advise you to elope and get married to each other because I dont support that view. Also, I can't advise you to continue it and keep trying for it, because seeing the present situation, I feel it won't work out in future.

So dear friend, end everything now and live your life tension free. Try to move on. Its not the end of life and Mr. Arun is not just the one. Perhaps, life has something better to offer you. Initially it will be difficult but its 100% better than dragging this relationship without any reason.