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Why this girl showed affection when she doesn't love me?

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  1. #1
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie

    Unhappy Why this girl showed affection when she doesn't love me?

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    So friends, here is my problem. I met this girl 5 months before, she works in the same organization. She is very nice with me from the beginning and we used to talk normally, then she started behaving very attached and behaving like she is my girlfriend. now i am seriously in love with her. but since i have started showing my feelings, she is behaving odd. then one day she says, "u r going crazy now a days and I know why ! But please stop behaving like this." Then i told her that i love her a lot. Then she said, "I don't have this world in my dictionary. All boys r same. I know they all want one thing from a girl. There is nothing like Love." I was shocked hearing that coz i have never thought anything wrong about her.
    She used to look at me continuously, she enjoyed my company, she even gave me a flying kiss once, she talked with me as if she is my girlfriend...when i asked about all this behavior, she said, "i did all that as a good friend and i take u as one of my best friends, now u please forget me, find a good girl, marry her and live happily." I said that i can't forget her. She says, "I will start ignoring u then after some time u'll forget me for sure."
    but she still cares for me but has started ignoring me, like not picking up my call, not replying to sms.
    she is also leaving the job from the organization. She says what i think (marriage and all) is not possible as we are in the same religion but from different community. She says that she can not do this Love and all because of the family, and this thing doesn't exist.
    What should i do, and how to know what is in her heart.
    Please help me friends, i feel very lonely now..

  2. #2
    Natasha Williams
    Natasha Williams is offline eTI Iron
    She likes you and is also affectionate for you but there is something with her past which is not allowing her to accept your proposal. OR
    Simply she is committed to someone else. When she is saying that there no world like LOVE in her life and asking you to find a good girl for yourself, she really mean it. Be her friend and let her know that you will try to change your view towards her.

  3. #3
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello abhishek14,

    Basically things are bit clear in your case. There is absolutely no doubt that the girl likes you but how much, this is still a question.

    This can be true that she considers you just a friend and that she has always considered you that same. Dont get carried away the way a girl behaves, its sometimes really confusing. See, basically definition of friendship is different for girls and for boys. Even, meaning of friendship varies alot among different people. For some its just a handshake and hanging out with each other and for some it might also involve getting cosy, kissing etc. So, people behave differently.

    On the other hand, what I personally feel is, that, the girl likes you but there is something thats stopping her from getting into a relationship with you. It could be a rotten past or her own thinking and ideologies regarding all this love and stuff.

    Well, my personal advice to you would be to sit and talk with her regarding this. Tell her your feelings, try to convince her that every other guy is not a crook, there are still people left who really love. Tell her what feel about her. Talk to her and ask her, what are the things stopping her from getting into a relationship with you. Ask her to forget her past, if she has one, and move on.

    See, right now she is not feeling the level of comfortablity she should feel with you. Reasons could be enormous and totally depends on her. Now its upto you. The more you can make her feel comfy with you, secure with you, the more close she will get to you and certainly a day will come when she will be ours. :-)

    So keep on trying.... dont be disheartened now. There is a long way to go in love. :-)

    All the Best !!!!
    Bye

  4. #4
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie
    Quote Originally Posted by Natasha Williams View Post
    She likes you and is also affectionate for you but there is something with her past which is not allowing her to accept your proposal. OR
    Simply she is committed to someone else. When she is saying that there no world like LOVE in her life and asking you to find a good girl for yourself, she really mean it. Be her friend and let her know that you will try to change your view towards her.
    Thanks for replying..
    If i consider the first case u suggested, how to know what happened in the past and how to make her sure that I love her from the bottom of my heart, I will never hurt her.
    If we consider the second case, I asked her about her past some times, if there was any, she responded in several ways. she said, "I never found anyone like that." she also said,"I am a different kind of a girl, I don't believe that this 'Love' exists, it is all fake." she also said that, "do u think of me like this that i have a boyfriend, this is what u think of me!" She also says, "I don't want anyone to have any concerns about me."
    She talks to me regularly if I call her, for upto 30 mins. She shares everything I ask like what type of husband she wants and all those things. But then she says, "Why I am telling u all of this!" And in every 2-3 days when we get attached type, she starts ignoring and behaving odd. She starts saying those all things again like "You don't need to care for me, what is all this. there is nothing that can be done in this case, what u r thinking is not possible in many ways. Forget me, don't show concerns for me, don't care for me. I am already very bothered with my life."
    She is very pampered by her father. May be she likes me but doesn't want to do anything that brings problems in the family. As once I said to her, "What if someone from my side goes to your family for the marriage proposal?" She said, "If it happens I am dead, they will think that I have an affair with you, How did u think this!!"

    What should I get from all this.... :-(

  5. #5
    Natasha Williams
    Natasha Williams is offline eTI Iron
    Pulkit is also right. Being a girl I already got the glimpse of her mindset. And now things are even more clear. She's been going through something , this time I will say that may be something with family or may be she is girl with responsibilities of family or something.

    If you really love her or care for her then stop showing your love to her right away, tell her that you understand her situation and from now on you will try to be friend with her. This way you will not make her feel comfortable and the moment she get to know that you respect her decision and feelings, the reverse psychology will start working and she will find your importance in her life but before that you have to be caring but as friend with her.

    But be reminded, this is not going to be easy as you think and stop asking about her past or anything, instead gain her trust , she will automatically pour all upon you, you see we girls love to share feelings with each other.

  6. #6
    phpdevloper
    phpdevloper is offline eTI Member
    Dont get penic frd it happens many time in life mostly its like just like infetuaction nd not more than this but you still could be frd to say sorry her and her about new frdship

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  8. #7
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie

    Unhappy

    Thanks Pulkit & Natasha..
    You know I gave her the song- 'Amazed' by 'Lonestar.' I'm sure you must have listened to the song. And when I asked her, did she like the song? She said, "You are crazy :-), Every line of the song matches and describes your feelings & situation. The song is very lovely."

    And accepting your suggestion I have said to her that I will be her good friend from now on and I will not behave like a mad lover. But she is still saying, "It's okay, being friends is good. I already knew there is nothing like Love. And as time will go on, You will also forget me and will say one day that she was right." But now the problem is when I'm showing just even normal care, she is saying, "Don't care for me please. Anything happens to me, let it happen to me. If I die, let me die.. to hell with me..but i want no one to care for me.." At the same time she said, "I care for you. Whether I stay in this job or not, I'll still be your friend."
    I feel very sad..not just because she is sad or I can't do anything about it, but because I don't even know why she is said and why is she so much disappointed with her life..
    What should I do further ??

  9. #8
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello abhishek14,

    Sir, you are in love. Love demands indefinite amount of patience, care, constant feelings, trust, honesty, understanding.

    Try to understand the situation...your girl is right now in no mood to get into a relationship with you. Perhaps she is still unsure of the feelings you have for her.... perhaps she doesnt understand this love and all..perhaps she had a bad past and still figuring out a way to get out of it.....or perhaps her family, future plans or any other thing is stopping her from getting into a relationship with you.

    Sir, self realization and self satisfaction is very much required for a person, especially in love. Until and unless, she herself is not satisfied with your feelings.... I dont think so, she will accept your proposal. You should not force anyone to love you. Love cannot be forced ever. Let the other person realize himself/herself....and trust me thats way better than making a decision in haste and regret later.

    So have patience and give her sometime. Your work was to express your feelings to her and you have done it. Now, giver her sometime to think and make a decision. Meanwhile, just be nice to her, make her feel comfy and secure with you and let her feel exactly the same as you feel for her.

    Its a nice song.... Amazed by Lonestar. Thats a good sigh, if she has liked it and reciprocated to you.
    So enjoy your life and make things easy...!!!

    All the Best !!!
    Bye.

  10. #9
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie
    Thanks a lot my friend..
    Just one more suggestion. Should I let her quit this job or should I request her to stay..She is ready to stay for one more month if I say..But she is really facing problems in continuing this job, as the manager is really a mean guy..
    Thank you again..
    And I could I bother you again if I need a suggestion ??

  11. #10
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello abhishek14,
    If she is ready to stay in the same office for one more month just because you are saying it, then , I personally feel that you should request her to stay here with you. This has its own benefits. In this one month time, you will be able to get close to her, make her understand your love and feelings and become really a good friend for her. You never know this might change up your relationship with her. A month's time is good enough for you both to come closer and make things work out.
    I just hope that this one month becomes the most unforgettable one month of her life.... you never know.

    So if she can extend her term here for one more month on your request, then, go for it. :-)
    Its rightly said : Kismat badalte derr nahi lagti :-)

    You actually dont bother me when you share your problems. Ofcourse, you can contact me anytime in future. And also do let us know if you get success in making her yours.

    All the Best !!!!
    Be Happy :-)

  12. #11
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie
    Thanks a lot my friend for making me comfortable by saying that I don't bother you by sharing my problems.
    Now as you have suggested, I requested her, she is staying here for one more month. She avoids giving me time in the office as the director is having a little doubt about our 'relationship'. She also does not answer my calls or sms, but she gives me a little time after leaving the office. That means we take a walk for a distance of about 15 minutes, then she takes auto and I go to my home.
    I msg her regularly wishing Good morning & Good night. But she only replies to the 'question type' msgs (like choose a no. and i will tell u this & that..u know) and she answers to my calls hardly once in a week. So I want to ask should I keep calling her daily or I should not?
    I asked her about this she says, "My father says, you give your all day to office, so evening time should be for the family. So At night time I am with my family, that's why I am unable to attend the call, when it is possible I attend otherwise I don't."

    And sure I will inform you as soon as I get any positive response, as you are my guide in this my friend..

  13. #12
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hello abhishek14,
    Thanks alot for all these words and considering me worth enough to make me your friend. It really means alot to me. Really thanks alot.

    Now coming to your point, I would sincerely never ever ask you to stop pursuing her through calls and messages. Its a good thing that you are doing and certainly you should continue with it. But now since you have only bit less time left, you should try out on other things. Instead of giving her regular calls or SMSes in the office, try some innovative things.... like for example, you can mail her an e-card while she is in the office. This might help in some way.
    Also, try to make a movie for her of all the photos you have of her, if you have any, and gift it to her just like that. If you dont have any such photos of your get together with her, try to get some image quotes from net and make a movie out of them.
    Also, you can make something for her by your own. I guess, girls love when guys put in their own efforts to make something for them. If she is that kind of a girl, she will like it.


    Again, regarding calling her 24 hours, you can try something different. Just make a rule to call her up in the morning at at night to wish her Good Morning and Good Night, THATS IT...!!! Do it on a regular to regular basis and see if there is a change.

    Or you can call her up on a particular day( say, Saturday because Sunday is generally off ) at night and talk to her for sometime. Make it a rule to call her up on every Saturday night for even a single minute. This might proof helpful as slowly and steadily she will start EXPECTING your calls on every Saturday night. And one Saturday if you dont call her up, she will call you back just to ask why didn't you call her up today ??? So, in a way you actually made a difference. That is when you can propose her again and ask her to re-consider her words.



    All I am asking from you is, its just a try that I have asked you to do, so keep on trying.



    Look "abhishek14", sincerely, I cant promise that she will be yours and infact nobody can. Also, I dont know what will be the end result of all the things and efforts you are putting in for her. Its just a try that we together( you and I ) are doing to make her yours. But what will be the end result is still unknown. You might get her and you might not. Things can be positive as well as negative. So be prepared to face both the ends.

    Lets see then what happens.

    All The Best...!!!
    Take Care.

  14. #13
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie
    Thanks a lot Pulkit. When I'm considering u as a friend, the pleasure is all mine, coz, I will be proud to have such a helping and good person as my friend.

    Now as your suggestions, there r somethings I would like to tell you. She is so busy in her work that she rarely opens her personal mail in the office. But I will still mail her may be she will open at home. And if I call her once in a week, remember, I do not have much time as I would be able to talk to her only 4 times in a month. I am not being desperate but I don't know what would happen if she leaves the office.

    Okay let me tell u what happened yesterday. When we took a walk after the office, I said to her, "I keep on calling u for 2-3 times daily, u can pick my call when u r free. I understand that it is not possible for u all the times, but I'll not force u to talk to me for long, 5 min. r enough for me." She replied, "It's not like this, actually I don't get time at the home. But I give u my time now, as I take a walk with u otherwise I can take the auto from the office. (actually she has started taking a walk for that certain distance just one week ago). But plz remember that I'm doing everything as a friend." At the same time she said, "I also want to ignore u because I know that some day u will marry a different girl. So if I talk to u regularly u will get hurt at that time. And the feelings u have for me r just temporary affection. If u start talking to any other girl for sometime, u will feel the same for her, I bet that. I don't know why but I just don't believe in this 'Love thing'.
    After listening to all these things, I just get this feeling that she DOES NOT believe me when I'm saying I love her and she thinks I'm saying it just for the time pass. Because she always keeps on saying that I will forget her when I get any other girl.

    I just can't get into her mind. I mean she keeps on saying that I'm a good friend of her and at she also keeps on saying that she knows about my feelings that I love her.

    And that movie idea is really great, I will start working on that today, thanks a lot for that..

    I know I write too much and repeat the things, but plz don't get irritated by that as now-a-days I don't know what has happened with me, and I have nobody to tell this all.. I know u will understand that, after all who will understand if not a friend..

    Thanks again and u take care too my friend..

  15. #14
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Hi abhishek14,

    What I can get from her words is just this that she likes you somewhere and I am 100% sure she will miss you and your company after she leaves this job. But there is something, some reason why she is denying your proposal and that is why she is saying all this. The reason could be anything... perhaps some past, her family, responsibilities or perhaps she doesnt like you at all and is saying all these " good words " just because she doesnt want to hurt you. The exact reason is with her and she is either not telling it or could be possible that she is telling the truth.

    Look friend, the chances here are steep. You cannot force her to love you but its just you can try to arouse a love interest in her heart for you. That's all we are doing.

    Two things are working in a positive way (i) she has extended her term here just because you wanted her to do it. (ii) she is taking a walk with you to catch an auto. If she had to ignore you completely, she would have not bothered to do even a bit for you. But this is not the case, so its a good sign.

    Also, keep it in mind, when next time you guys take a walk to the auto stand, try to talk on different topic of her interests....anything except love. I dont want you to make her feel as if all you are doing for her is just to get her. Get back to initial stage of friendship. And this time if she raises this topic of love and your feelings for her, try to deviate the topic. Tell her that you have stopped thinking about all this. Tell her that you love her and by confessing about it to her, you have done your work and now you have left everything on God and her. You are ready to meet what destiny has in store for you.

    Again, friend, I would like to add here that you are in love and it needs alot of time to develop equally on both sides. So be patient. I wish you get what you want. But there is always a uncertainty.
    I am asking you to do all this just because I dont want you to feel this in future that you could have tried it when she was near you, but you never did. So do it now and put in the best of your efforts. Some or the other thing will happen because she is not heartless. Ohk ??

    All The Best..!!
    Take Care..!!!

  16. #15
    abhishek14
    abhishek14 is offline Newbie
    Hi Pulkit,

    I got your point my friend. From now on I'll not talk about my feelings or love. I'll just try to talk to her about the things that r connected to her and makes her happy. One more thing, I asked her to go out for an hour or two on New Year, she said, "I'm not sure for New Year, but I will try to go some other holiday. But can't promise you on New Year. We will see that." So should I ask her again? Or should I give her any gift as a New Year gift?

    And let's see what happens further, as I hope everything will be good.

    Thank You my friend..

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