Hi i need suggestions please help me
I am 26 yr old Hindu grl from kerala and im in love with a christain boy. we both are from middle class family and we know each other for the past 5-6 years and we are in a relationship for more than 1 year. We are deeply in love n we want to live our life together. But both of our parents are against our rltnship. we love our parents a lot and are scared to run away and get maried coz we will hurt our parents and not sure whether our parents will harm themself. we tried to convince our self to brak up our rlatnship but we cant . we love each other a lot and cares for each other.hence because of our parents we are not able to decide each other what to do. we tried to convince our parents a lot but they informed that due to intercaste they are not interested and our life will be ruined and ends up in divorce .My parents are searching mariage propasals for me and i have told them that I cant mary a person other than him and i will not run away from here and not to force me for any mariage i will sit at hom . They start blackmailing me that they will kill themselves and me if i didnt agree for mariage and im sure that they will do anythng. they are scared abt the society , relatives and friendz what they will think abt them if i get maried to a christain guy and they will loose respect from others .
Please help me to find a solution as we tried to convince our both parents each other and if we do a court mariage agianst our parents whether our life will be successful as i believe that if parents curses us our life will b ruined. we want to be together n we dnt want to get maried to another person. I know that time heels, we have only one life and it should be with the person we love .
why shud i ruin other guy's life if if my parents force me for mariagewith othr person. parents are very loving and they are scared whether we will run awy and get maried. but we both want the blessig of our family to start our life .

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plz help me .... Any1 plz advice for the abve post im waiting for ur valuable suggestns

Hi Sinucp,


Typical intercaste marriage problem where both of you love each other and parents are against the match. Believe me, there is no direct reply to your problem. All you have to do is convince your parents anyhow. This situation should have been thought earlier before entering into a relationship that whether your families will agree to the match or not. There is no other way than convincing your parents time after time if you don't have the courage to elope and get married.

Please mind, I am not provoking you to leave home, run away and get married, instead I am advising you to sit with your parents, try to communicate with them calmly and politely, make them understand affirmatively that you cannot imagine your life without your boyfriend and if they are thinking you of getting married to someone else, then they are ruining 3 lives at the same time.

Make them understand world has moved on and concepts like inter-caste marriage doesn't exists. What exactly matters nowdays is how much mutual understanding both the partners have for each other. With no respect and desire in your heart, you will never be able to justify your role as a wife with your husband, if he is not the person you wanted to be with. Slowly and steadily the meaning of marriage will disappear from your life which will anyway lead to a divorce situation someday.

Try to sit with them, talk to them, make them understand WHY you love your boyfriend and what are the qualities which make him so special, why you feel he is the one for you and how will he take care of you for the whole life etc. I am sure they will understand your point. Same goes with your boyfriend too.

thank you sir..
Everyday we are trying to convince our parents. Both parents are in old concept . They wanted us to get maried to a person who belongs in our caste .
My parents - they are scared about the society what they will they abt them and they will lose the respect from other family members and my parents , they wanted me to get maried to a person of their choice . My mother is typical housewife who regularly goers to temple and meet astroleges and do watever rubbish they will tell. ( Actually my mother is believing them so much hence i hate them a lot) and his mother is also the same who goes to church everyday hence they are very much involved into they beliefs. Due to that difficult to convince them. My father is blackmailing me like they will suicide if i get maried to my lov, telling like they are not having any hopes

Actually we dont have the courage to elop and get maried coz my parents are not well, they are sick . my mother is having pressure and his father is also having probelm hence we are scared to elope and get maried . if somethng happens to them then our life will get ruined we will not be happy in rest of our life.

There is no direct answer to the question, but tell me have you introduced your boyfriend to your parents and have he introduced you to his family or not??? I can then go forward for telling any thing more.

he introduced me to his parents when i went for his sister;s marriage 5 years back at that time we were friends and i introduced him to my mother when we went for one of our friend marriage. on that day itself my mother understd that the he is my lover

Hii,
Well first of all let me tell you, nobody in this forum encourages anyone to choose a wrong way like eloping and running away, rather we encourage and support the person emotionally to make them dare to take a stand for their love and win it from the world.
Now coming back to your problem, let me tell you I have a similar example where a girl is fighting for her love since from last years and is still threatened by her father in the similar way like you have been doing by your father I shall share the post for you:
My Father against my love but support from family
You may read this and then decide what is correct for you, if a person can fight for winning her love for 4 continuous years, why would you be throwing your weapons down against your parents.
Here is what you can do next:
1.Try to make your father understand that the RESPECT which he wants to be preserved from the society is always temporary and like a china material can stab at your back any time, and that the SOCIETY is always two faced and will talk any nonsense on any situation they get a chance to talk on.
2. apart from it, tell him that nobody has time to look into others matters for long not even your relatives or friends, as all of them are so busy handling their own problems and chores, they might talk for a month or two then everything will fall back in place like normal, if you permit me to marry the person I love, irrespective of the caste, they will start talking for some days and every thing will fall back to place after some days, once they see me happy with my guy, then ultimately you will be praised for making a correct and wise decision and the same persons who have earlier criticized you for making me marry to a guy of my choice and that too from a different caste, will now praise you for doing the same, and then you might feel proud to be a wise person, even you daughter would proudly tell the world that my DAD BELIEVES IN ONLY ONE RELIGION OR CASTE and i.e., HUMANITY and allowed me to marry a christian person for my happiness, and also you will set a BENCHMARK of a perfect individual from our family and relatives who will encourage others to make the family happy rather than making the SOCIETY happy, becoz ultimately what will matter most for any father is the happiness of her daughter and not the happiness of the SOCIETY in which he lives, because seeing society happy might give you happiness which will be external, but seeing your own daughter unhappy will make u live with the guilt of forcing yourself and your decision on her and making her unhappy till the rest of your life, then nothing else will make you feel proud and happy not even the respect of that same society.
Choice is yours, to see the happiness of the daughter first for whom you have done all your sacrifices from the day when she was born, and have made her capable for what she is now, or the bloody two faced society whose respect and dignity is all just a piece of mask that is wrapped around the faces of the persons living in it.

Thank you soo much for ur reply. But our parents are not willing to hear all these. They are telling that they wanted to live in the same society and asking us to forget our love . nObody in our family are supporting our relatatn. Im going to b 27 nw and they wanted me to get maried soon. Even his family and my family is thinking in the same way and they are telling that we are not understanding . They are telling like we will get divorced and due to caste and releigion problem i will not able to adjust in his house and even my parents will not get any respect frm his family whenever they come to c me . we dont how to convince our parents as both the families are thinking abt teh caste , religion, relatives and society.

its depend on how much you attached to your family and lover ....but do those thing in all person happy