My bf was my senior in College and he was after me for about 1.5yrs, but I was never really in love with him, but liked the fact that he was after me. Then he graduated and went to USA. He used to write me, but I didn't reply. After this, slowly we lot touch with each other. Now I used to wonder what was he doing and things like that and started to kinda miss him.

I am from a pretty orthodox family and am supposed to marry someone of my own caste, but my bf is from a different caste. Anyway, since he was persistent for soo long (Almost 7yrs) my parents were ok with me marrying him. But, I didn't want to write a letter and let him know that I wanted to marry because I had never really expressed any interest all these years. So finally my bf wrote a letter from USA saying that he had just graduated and got a job. Now I replied to his letter expressing my love and gave him a phone # to call me.

He called me and we talked romantically for the very first time. I know I was all over him and very much in love. We talked a lot and planned a lot for out future with details about kids, car etc. This went on for a couple of months. By now, my dad had started to force me to get married and I told him about my bf. He wanted his parents to agree to it or else he is seeking a different alliance for me. There was a problem, his parents did agree, because they don't know about me at all. So anyway, my dad made me tell my bf that I cannot wait any longer and I have to get married to someone else. My bf was devastated, but couldn't come to India due to some visa issues.

But in desperation, some how my bf made his dad talk to my dad and me. Things were looking up and I was feeling like I was on cloud 9. Now suddenly I get a letter from his sister saying that the only reason his dad agreed was because my bf said he will leave everything and come to India otherwise. She also went on say that I was in love with her brother only because he was in USA and for his money. She also called me a bitch and things like that. I pretty much broke off with my bf after seeing that letter from his sister.

My bf is extremely upset that I broke it off just based on a letter from my sister. So he wrote me a letter asking me how could I have the heart to marry someone else. Then he went on to say that he hated me from the bottom of his heart and he feels like has lost his wife. That was our last communication. I moved on since then and have married a guy arranged by my parents.

Now my bf is also married, but says that he could never ever take me off his mind. Did I do the wrong thing by not marrying him?

Hello sivakamiashok,

I went through our problem statement and there is something I would like to point out. I won't say whatever you did was right or wrong but yes I feel things could have been better if you would have taken them patiently. What I am hinting you at is, you should have had a talk with his sister when she wrote a letter to you stating all that you told above. You should have given him a chance to sort out things between him and his sister and ask her why she wrote this letter to you.

Try to understand, her sister is an individual and she has her own opinions. She wrote whatever she thought / opine about you. People generally make opinions about others without thinking too deeply and the same she did. Try to understand its a woman nature and jealousy is evident. She has been observing you since quite long. Initially, you showed no interest in her brother and then suddenly when he went abroad and got a job there, you started talking to him and took him seriously. So, it was quite evident on her part to think like that. But things could have been sorted out, if you would have not reacted so instantly.

But anyways, since you are married now and same is the case with your ex-boyfriend, so its hardly of any importance to talk over this past issue now. You have a family, a settled life, perhaps one or more kids ( or will have in near future ) and hence my honest advice to you is to concentrate on your present and your future and try to remove these remnants of your past relationship.

The same is what I would like to advice your ex-boyfriend. Tell him its not always that when you love a person, you get him/her. These things are pre-destined and if you guys were not destined to meet, you both will never be together. I know, its hard to understand these things but that is truth somewhere. So, ask him to enjoy his present life, plan for his future instead of regretting about his past.


I hope I answered your doubt to your satisfaction.

Don't you think it is very late to discuss about this topic , you see both are married and now living your own life.

Here I think you want to find justification about your action, then I will say that from what you have described above, its all confusing, either you are missing some important strings or you have made it too brief. But when I was reading the fact that you responded first time when he got JOB in US , obviously what her sister did, to some extent was right and obvious.

And when things were almost in your favour, your act of withdrawing all sudden was not justified. Things could have been different if you would have shown act of patience.

http://etalkindia.com/talk/love-friendship-relationship-advice/16336-i-have-strong-feelings-my-ex-girlfriend-whom-i-wanted-marry-2.html#post40921

Hello There, I would appreciate if you can see this post on the forum and tell us that you both are or are not same.
If you both are on the same forum with your respective questions and problems, then lets look into the matter deeply else the individual replies are satisfactory, I guess.


Thanking You.