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I am in love with 2 men (one is long term and one is new)


  1. #1
    Susie is offline Just in!

    I am in love with 2 men (one is long term and one is new)

    I'm in a long term relationship and I have fallen in love with another man.

    Ok so I know I will get a lot of varying response from this post and I will appreciate them all but I just need to point out I will explain my situation as best I can (lets face it it's difficulty to explain all the feelings I'm having) and I would really appreciate answers from people who truly understand this. Also I apologise for any bad grammar or spelling errors.

    Anyways this may be a long story...my current love Steve I have been with for 10 years with the exception of an approx 8 month break 6 years ago, we was originally set up by friends but I really liked him before this and we we're both very shy which is probably why our friend stepped in anyways our relationship started as follows *over a 2/3 week period we went on a few dates, we had sex, more dates and then he was leaving to another country for 6 months in this time we both felt very close to each other and I guess started feeling like we want to he boyfriend and girlfriend but with him leaving we never committed however he did suggest I come visit him, so off he goes and we continue our relationship via text and miss each other very much so after a month or so I make the decision to go and visit him and from then on we have been together. We are both very happy easy going people we've always had lots in common and enjoy doing everything together we're never possessive or ever stop the other from doing things alone and always support each other emotionally and financially and never argue well not never we are humans after all I mean it's never serious it's usually stupid stuff or because one if us has had a bad day at work or something and any little arguments we do have quickly get resolved and we're best friends again we have also supported each other through emotionally troubled times bereavements and such. I will now tell you about the part surrounding our break up...at this point we have been together for about 3 years and he had gone away again for 8 months this time and to a country much further away so for me to visit, money and getting time off work to see him would not have been very easy I knew I would miss him in this time but I guess I just never expected just how much the first few months seemed to be ok and the suddenly I misses him so badly I was crying on the phone to him most days asking him to come home (knowing that he couldn't/wouldn't) anyways after about 6 months he was coming home ish basically we was off to an event in another country for 2 weeks so a mini holiday but about a month before this I had taken comfort in a male friend Mark in which we'd had also discovered feelings for each other and I know part of me and him knew it was probably only because I was missing stu so much but we still couldn't help our feelings anyway me and steve go on our holiday and to my surprise I missed Mark more than I was excited to be with steve but still I asked him to to not to go back, I didn't want him to leave me again (part of me knew if he did, emotionally it was over, I was second best and felt I wasn't that important to him) I know this is silly but I was a lot younger then and my judgement was clouded anyways he went back and I pretty much ended things with him, I then started spending more time with matt and a few weeks later we had started a relationship now to my friends this all seemed very rushed and suspected of me cheating which caused a lot of trouble and I lost a lot of my friends anyway me any Mark stayed strong and had a wonderful relationship he was extremely passionate and gave me the best sex I had ever had!!! (Please take note on this part as this is essential what I am coming to soon) but even though we had fallen in love our relationship was short lived partly because of the trouble it had caused with my friends and partly because he moved back to his home town and the distance started to take its toll and I guess we just gave up to be fair to each other. So in this time me and steve had also been struggling with our break up he was heartbroken I had felt he'd already broken mine etc but after things with me and Mark ended I hadn't seen steve for about 2 months and then randomly he text me out of the blue, he was away but was coming back home in a few weeks and hoped that we could see each other, we spoke visa text and then met up when he got back and well we knew as soon as we saw each other that we was getting back together and we did it was a tough year to start with but we stayed strong and got through it and cut to another 6/7years later and we are still together again still very much the same couple as before the break up only now we are older and have started to settle, we got a house together 2 years ago and again because we do everything together there is no strain from getting a house together at all we enjoy it all. Now about 6 moths ago I changed jobs because I was extremely unhappy in my old job long hours unnecessary stress no time to work on the house and struggling to even to do chores so we discuss possible change and steve makes it possible for me to quit and find a better job with less hours so I can be at home more, financial lose but health gain so a very positive move....now in the this time of changing jobs I started playing an online game and cut a long story short I got chatting to one of the players, we opened a convo just about the game but then he stared to flirt with me and I with him and I know this was wrong I don't know why but he knew I had a BF and we knew it was just for fun like no harm in a bit of flirting so he asks for my number but I say no of course, so then he instead gives me his number to which if I want to text him I can and then it's my choice! well I didn't.... But then about a week later and again I don't know why but I text him just light convo and again pointed out its just flirting but was easier via text than online so we continue with a multitude of texts back and forth and we are talking very highly sex texts fantasising with each other, things we'd like to do to each other in the bedroom etc we joke about the possibility of meeting but not with conviction then cut to about a month later and we are still heavily texting sometime all day (around work of course) and then to my surprise I start thinking about him more and more and not just sexually if you understand but i try to shrug it off it's just because we're flirting but when I get a text from him that gives hints that he is starting to develop feelings it makes me then think more about him and the "what if's" anyway this takes on a whole new level when a few weeks later he tells me he thinks he's falling for me! i of course freak out and then come back to my senses but also have to be honest I was feeling the same, we agreed we maybe shouldn't do this to our selfs but for some reason neither one of us wants to stop well it's now 5/6 months later and we are completely in love with each other I mean like feelings I don't think I have ever felt so strong and then here comes the next bomb he now thinks I am single because my current bf found out about my texts to this guy and we argued and broke up but we have since been trying to work on things but I failed to inform my new love because things between us are escalating fast anyway I now feel completely torn I have this new guy who indicated his passion is what I had with Mark but he is also very caring, sensitive, funny *etc pretty much everything I would want and then there is steve my long term bf who I have been through everything with who is my rock, my best friends in the whole world but who I have never really had that passionate sexual connection with (I know that may sound silly to some people to be with someone who I don't feel connected with in that way) but he gives me everything else I could ever want in a relationship and that up until meeting this new guy is something I never questioned. Well things are moving very fast with new guy he talks about the future and us moving closer each other as in moving in together etc so I feel I must make a decision and soon to who I should be with and this is the part I need help with I'm hoping that someone looking at it from a neutral position or someone who has been in a similar situation can maybe advise. I know ultimately I could end up losing them both but I'm also going to end up hurting someone as in breaking their heart and I never ever wanted or thought I would ever end up in a situation like this, it is tearing me apart in side, I cry a lot over this and I know it's my own doing I'm not expecting sympathy I just need help/advise. I know I have already potentially ruined this with my current bf as let's face it I'm having an emotional affair I hate the word cheating but if that's what some of you want to label it, it's ok.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply I realise I have wrote a very long post*it seems but I wanted to give as much info as possible so I can get the best advise possible.

  2. #2
    Sweetie's Avatar
    Sweetie is offline eTI Member
    To tell you truth, I can not understand your full situation. You have written so much but there are so many mistakes. I think you should read it again and fix all typing mistakes which you can find. Seriously, it is impossible to give you advice if we can't understand it properly.

  3. #3
    Nazneen is offline eTI Member
    What I think is that you're not ready to be committed at all. Be it with Steve or Mark or anyone else.
    Maybe, you just want the fun and excitement as of now.
    You're with Steve because you care about him and he is your best friend. Correct me if I'm wrong but you're insecure about your relationships and you're keeping Steve as a back up plan. But this isn't fair. I mean, I really pity Steve. He has gone through a lot cause of you and tolerated your flings and STILL accepted you. I understand that you've tried but I don't think you've given your best try.

    Imagine if he was in your place and he was in yours. How would you have felt? He doesn't deserve this as he seems like a great guy. He deserves to be loves, truly and you aren't in love with him. You should tell Steve that your relationship with him is going nowhere and you cannot afford to keep hurting him.

    & this new guy, trust me he isn't FALLING for you. He just wants to have sex with you. I've seen a lot of guys like him. Then again, you aren't looking for commitment either so you can give it a try but maybe not now. Rushing into things is the last thing you should do. So take your time to get to know him first. I mean I wouldn't let myself be the girl people just wanna have sex with.

    Okay, this is just my point of view. I might be completely wrong.

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