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Intercaste Marriage-Telugu brahmin girl and Marwari brahmin guy


  1. #1
    sanuv is offline Just in!

    Intercaste Marriage-Telugu brahmin girl and Marwari brahmin guy

    I am a 22 years old Telugu Brahmin girl and my guy is 23 years old Marwari Brahmin.Both of us are working in reputed MNC's.We have been in this relationship since 8th std.Everything is great between us.His parents have started match making already,and mine are going to start next year.I can convince my parents though they will be reluctant initially(I am an only child).My guy has two younger brother's and both are in support of me.I speak frequently to his mother,went to his home twice and helped his younger brother with application etc.His mom likes me but I think has certain amount of doubt as to my relationship with his son,but is very nice with me.Our problem is his dad who is very conservative and old fashioned.He will not agree to me getting married to his son as I am a Telugu Brahmin and not Marwari it would open him up to society's ridicule.Both of us are from the same place in Andhra.

    How should I approach this?Is there anything I can do now to make things easier for us to convince his dad?(The reason we know that his dad would never agree is because he was completely against his brother's daughter getting a love marriage done,she finally eloped and though her immediate family speak to her my guy's dad does not even go to his brother's home if she is present).

    Thanks for any suggestion.

  2. #2
    swapnilramani's Avatar
    swapnilramani is offline eTI Iron
    I regret for what has happened in the case of your guys sister, but it is only this reason, not getting the approval from the parents to marry her love, which had forced her to take this step. But it is good that their family has now accepted the fact that she is already married and happy.
    Coming to your point, see I don't think this all might happen as I strongly believe that the wound of his brothers daughter choosing the decision to elope and marry is still alive in his heart somewhere around some corner and this fear might be helpful for your relationship, as he might fear that his son may also choose the step if he chooses the same path and this will only be possible if his father doesn't support your relationship. But you never know miracles can also happen, but for this you both have to take a step forward and break the shackles of fear in your mind and go and talk to your guys father about your relationship. He may get emotional also he may get fired on you and your guy but you have to handle the situation more calmly and with very soft words that go and directly hit his heart :
    I may suggest you a trick, you tell your bf to first go and initialize the topic of marriage infront of his father and you too support him actively in his talking, you have to make his father understand that you are not like your guy's sister who would elope if you will not get the decision in your favor as you both respect them a lot and love them too and their decision would be final if they don't wish you 2 to get married, tell him that you will compromise with that only because you love and respect him and his decision, but then ask them a question whether taking this decision will make his son and you happy, no, because you both love each other and you know each other from quite a long time, and it is not that your bf's Dad doesn't know you, he also may be knowing you since you said you both know each other from school times, so this also may work to your favor.
    You have to make him understand that by making a decision to not marrying you both with each other, you may definitely make society happy, but you may just make your children think that his father doesn't love and respect them and they always force his decision on them and you might not be able to accept some other girl or a guy for you both as your husband and your guy's wife because you love each other, apart from this you share a very long relationship and understanding with your guy, and that is a big strong part of your relationship. you have to gain uncle's confidence and convince him that you totally will do as he says and not run away or choose any other option that will hurt them as you respect them a lot.
    Coming to your part, your post doesn't say anything about your family and whether you have talked to them first, don't be in an impression that you may convince your parent and you will convince them once the part of your bf's home is cleared, no my dear you also have to make efforts from now as you have one year spare with you as you said before your parents take a decision to find match for you, introduce your bf as a friend in your home and let him make efforts to create a positive reputation in minds of you parents about him, once he gets familiar with your mom and dad, the part of your parents acceptance for him may get a bit easy, and till the time this happens you continue to give hints to your parents that you like this guy and you are planning to marry him, talk to the closest person in your family and gain his confidence first so that you might get a good support from him/her in convincing your parents.
    Now, I would also suggest something that you may find something wierd but trust me this may be helpful to you to get atleast an idea about the further step to be taken in your journey of convincing your parents, you read the book two states by chetan bhagat that revolves around the similar situation of a couple who comes from two different states, one is of chennai and other from punjab and how they make efforts and convince their parents to make them marry each other is what the story of that book is....

  3. #3
    sanuv is offline Just in!
    And yeah...I have read Two States. Loved it.So has my mom. We are avid readers.

  4. #4
    sanuv is offline Just in!
    Hello Swapnil,
    Thank you so much for the reply. Very helpful.
    Yes you are right my guy's dad knows about me as his friend.Even his mom speaks about me in front of him.My guy wants to tell at his home only after his parents talk to him directly about seeing a match and asking him about it.I don't know if that is a wise decision because I feel it might be better to tell them before they like any other match.We planned on telling at each other's home at the same time.
    I know my mom will agree as she was very supportive of one of her's friends daughter who eloped pointing to them that we cant just leave our kids just because they eloped.(That girls parents were not letting her into their home after marriage nor talking).She tried to bridge the gap.It's written in my horoscope that mine would be love marriage(She has certain belief)and I think she is sort of expecting something of this kind though hoping it would not be so..And I know eventually my dad would also come around.Though it will be difficult for him to accept.

    My mom knows my guy as my friend and I think has a doubt as to our relationship as well but has never asked me about it.But if I become more vocal about him they would understand for sure what my intention is and I dont know how they might react.

    I have told my cousins about us but I dont know how much helpful they would be.

    And you have advised us to appeal to his fatherly side of seeing his son happy but I am scared that if we tell him we respect him and that his decision will be final then he would definitely ask us abide by his wishes and not get married as we respect and love him so much. Dont you think that's possible?

    Right now I am concerned as to what is the appropriate time to break this news at our homes.

    Suggestions are welcome.
    Thank you.

  5. #5
    swapnilramani's Avatar
    swapnilramani is offline eTI Iron
    And you have advised us to appeal to his fatherly side of seeing his son happy but I am scared that if we tell him we respect him and that his decision will be final then he would definitely ask us abide by his wishes and not get married as we respect and love him so much. Dont you think that's possible?
    First of all make it very clear that a human mind and soul are hungry for respect and love from others, the most biggest flaw in human mind and heart is he likes to get loved by others and also likes when somebody tells him/her that they have confidence on him/her, but the neither he/she has the confidence in self, nor the love for themselves which makes them coward towards any situation and thus they back off when the real situation or fight for their self right arises.
    Coming to your point, See the words that I mentioned in the above paragraph makes clear that if you respect their decision and then throw your weapons of love and soft words on their heart they have to realize it and wo sidhe unke dil pe jake lagenge or tabhi hi unhe aapke bolne ka sahi arth mehsus hoga. we don't have to forcefully do it but we have to induce them to rethink on their decision and change their decision of not making their son marry to some other girl except you, and talking to them about their respect and the respect of their words, will definitely touch their ego, and then once they get sentimented with those words, you can fire in your decision with soft and kind words to them, wo kehte hai na loha jab garam ho tabi uspe hathoda marte hai, tab jake use hum aakar de sakte hai, to jab aap unke us dukhti rag ko pakad lenge or unhe in baaton se pighla denge to aap unka man jaha chahe waha mod sakte hai.

    Sanuv I have P.M you, please go and visit you profile and read my message, you may find it on the Top Center of the page under notifications.
    But if you don't dare to talk to them thinking that they might say no to your relationship, you will always remain with the answer 'no', you will never get an answer whether expected or unexpected from anyone unless you dare to ask them, and if you don't ask for what you want you may never get it or should I say the answer will always be a big NO for you and you may loose what you have or you want forever. The choice lies with you my dear, go ahead and nail it to their heart and induce them to make you marry to your bf....best of luck and give updates as to what happened with you talk with them and incourse start giving hints to your parents and Mom too about your intentions to marry your guy before it gets too late or you may get trapped in some other work to then convince your parents.
    Last edited by swapnilramani; 05-16-2013 at 05:28 PM.

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