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TWO CENTS : Why Men & Women Fight, & How to Resolve It


  1. #1
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium

    Thumbs up TWO CENTS : Why Men & Women Fight, & How to Resolve It

    Fights are the demise of relationships. We all would love to skip over this aspect of intimacy, however when it comes to romantic love, fighting is part of the deal. In fact, the deeper the connection you have with someone, the more vulnerable you are with them, and the more likely youíre going to feel hurt from time to time.
    So if we canít avoid fighting altogether, how do we do it in a way that results in the least amount of damage? Thatís what Iím going to talk about today.
    Iíd like to start with an excerpt from John Grayís classic book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus:
    ďWhen we are upset, disappointed, frustrated or angry it is difficult to communicate lovingly. When negative emotions come up, we tend momentarily to lose our loving feelings of trust, caring, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and respect. At such times, even with the best intentions, talking turns into fighting. In the heat of the moment, we do not remember how to communicate in a way that works for our partners.
    At times like these, women unknowingly tend to blame men and make them feel guilty for their actions. Instead of remembering that her partner is doing the best he can, a woman could assume the worst and sound critical and resentful. When she feels a surge of negative feelings, it is especially difficult for a woman to speak in a trusting, accepting, and appreciative way. She doesnít realize how negative and hurtful her attitude is to her partner.
    When men become upset, they tend to become judgmental of women and womenís feelings. Instead of remembering that his partner is vulnerable and sensitive, a man may forget her needs and sound mean and uncaring. When he feels a surge of negative feelings, it is especially difficult for him to speak in a caring, understanding, and respectful way. He doesnít realize how hurtful his negative attitude is to her.Ē

    John Gray describes the typical predicament that men and women find themselves in when they fight. Women tend to assume the worst and blame; men become judgmental and dismiss or criticize her feelings. This isnít fun for anyone.

    How can we fight in a more productive way, so no one gets (too) hurt? Here are my two cents of what you can do when things get heated with your love:

    For women:

    1) Give him the benefit of the doubt & assume he doesnít know what you need.

    Ladies, sometimes he just doesnít get it. Itís true! I donít say this to be demeaning; I say it because itís real.

    Women will assume the worst and believe that a manís intentionally being hurtful, when actually heís just in the dark. A man who doesnít know what you need is not the same thing as a man who doesnít care!

    They expect men to be as emotionally attuned as they are to them, and this is a false expectation. They also expect them to be mind-readers, and theyíre not.

    If your man screws up, it very likely itís because he doesnít know what you need from him, or he doesnít know how important something is to you.

    2) Tell him what you need.

    You have to spell it out for him (in a nice wayÖa rude tone will not get you what youíre looking for). I know you donít want to, but if you donít, youíre at the risk of him not understanding how to take care of you. Women forget that men want to take care of them, they just need to know how. If you calmly and kindly tell him what would feel good, itís likely heíll respond to your request.

    For men:

    1) Donít devalue her feelings and donít expect it not to happen again.

    Sheís going to hit emotional bottoms. Sheís going to get unruly from time to time. This is the feminine way. When you criticize her emotions, they just get worse.

    Donít try to rationalize with her. Donít try to talk her out of it. Definitely donít tell her that her feelings are wrong.

    Instead, try to be as loving, kind, and supportive as possible, knowing that doing so is the fastest way she will soothe. This leads to the best case scenario for both of you.

    A tip for both people: Do not initiate long, drawn-out conversations when emotions are running high. This does not work! The time to talk is when both of you have calmed down and are back to a loving state.

    The bottom line is this: None of us like fighting. We all just want to love and be loved. But fights are a natural, healthy aspect of relationships. We canít avoid them, so we have to learn to deal with them in a way that works for everyone involved.
    The next time a fight starts to stir, ask yourself how you can be more understanding with your partner, so you can return to a good feeling state as quickly as possible.
    This takes practice! But thatís the point of relationships anyway: to give us opportunities to learn how to be the most loving people we can be.

    In the comments below, please share the techniques that you use to resolve fights in your relationship. Thank you!
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!

  2. #2
    ashrafa is offline eTI Iron
    Nice tips and interesting article...thnx for sharing with us....

  3. #3
    Pulkit's Avatar
    Pulkit is offline eTI Aluminium
    Quote Originally Posted by ashrafa View Post
    Nice tips and interesting article...thnx for sharing with us....
    Thanks for the appreciation ashrafa. Will keep sharing such things.
    All The Best !!!
    Take Care !!!

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